SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm not really asking a question, more just venting. Red flags that I missed.
1. Being very short and at times nasty with me.
2. Increased time at work, with no extra pay ( found one of her paystubs in the driveway)
3. Late night text messages with a text tone I didn't recognize. She has a tone for everyone. Kids , boss , me ect.
4. No longer wearing granny panties. Now frilly bikini underwear.
5. Marks on her face and neck.
6. What looked to me like a hand print on her ass. Said she fell on ice at work
7. Gone 9 weekends in a row at work. ( short staffed ) leave Fri morning returning sun evening.

More of the story will follow.

I feel you brother. Don't beat yourself up over it. I missed some of these exact same red flags, especially the increased time at work with no extra pay. I even caught a couple of "I love you, good morning beautiful" texts and believed a bullshit story that she made up to cover it. Well, kind of. I didn't believe it but allowed myself to believe it, even with my closest friend telling me how incredibly stupid I was being. I read on here once something along the lines of, "Loyal people who don't cheat miss the red flags because we operate from our own frame of mind, which could never do that to our partner. We don't think like cheaters. So we believe it's all coincidence because we simply can't see through the eyes of a cheater."

I know it doesn't ease the pain, but people way smarter than me and you have fallen for the red flags. It happens to the best and the brightest people on the planet.

Me BH 60, WW 63
6months into the pandemic my wife left corporate America. At around the same time her sister was in a horrific car accident. She had no place to go after several months in the hospital so she came to stay with us. She requires a lot of care.

Because of her being there our sex life went to around zero. Any sex that we did have had to be scheduled because of my ED.

Our sex life was very Vanilla, but enjoyable. No hair pulling , gagging , ass slapping or anal.

More to follow

Her quitting put me into a 72 hr work week . Every week. About 1 1/2 yrs ago my wife landed a job , thru some of her work contacts. It was part time 25 to 30 hrs a week at a place that does corporate retreats.

It's a very big place , several hundred acres. Dining hall , tennis. Volleyball , fishing , boating ect . It has 25 cabins. 20 are in and around the main complex and 5 cabins are remote.

With the pandemic , it was shut down for visitors/ campers.

They were doing a lot of upgrades to the cabins and property in general. My wife would get quotes from contractors for work to be done and follow through with them to verify completion.

Lots of contractors...Carpenters, electrical , tree people, pool repair , plumbing ect.

She would often text me and bounce stuff off of me about the projects , as I've done a little of everything.

I told my wife in a conversation that I really didn't like that she had to interact with these men. Especially at the remote cabins. They are about a mile from the main cabin area and you have to hike your stuff in.

There is a gated access rd for repairs or emergency services.

I did finally get her to take pepper spray with her. There are nuisance bears. And I don't trust men in a secluded atmosphere area with my wife. At 63 she looks 50 maybe. Is thin and very pretty.

Bear with me. , I'm typing this at work.

More to follow

Numbers 1 and 3 in my situation. But just like most other stories here, when you are in a committed relationship, and trust your partner completely, red flags aren't necessarily red flags....at that time. Maybe more like a "that's odd" type of thought.

But once that itch gets planted, you can't stop scratching.

[NO POLITICS]

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:55 AM, Tuesday, February 28th]

Put a voice activated digital recorder in her car. Hide it but put it where it can pick up her conversations on her cell phone or maybe even catch someone else in her car with her.

Trust your gut. I am in the construction business. I am a contractor. The stuff I hear on job sites from these guys can be raunchy, and usually it's about the customer or homeowner or real estate agent or property manager or designer. How hot they are and what they would like to do with them. I'm not saying that's what is happening on your wife's job sites. But it is probably more than likely.

Then you have the extra long hours for no pay. The cabins are a perfect place to have some fun. She is being short and sometimes nasty with you. Late night text messages. Who does she say is texting her so late? Do you have access to her phone? Do you share a cell phone plan? Do you have access to the records online or otherwise? Frilly bikini underwear all of the sudden. Gone 9 weekends in a row. Can you go with her one weekend? Don't tell her or allow her to plan. Just spring it on her that you are going and see how she reacts.

Where there is smoke there is fire my friend. She has means, motive, and opportunity.

We have all felt the guilt of ignoring the red flags. We have always been taught to look out for conn men. We don’t trust strangers for a reason. But our spouses are supposed to be our number one and when they conn us, it makes us question everything including ourselves.

  Moving to General

Jimi,

I never suspected at all.

Copying/pasting Jimi's last post for continuity:

Getting back on point . About 6 months ago they finally hired a property manager / grounds keeper. I'll call him Tex . I noticed that my wife talked about him all the time. I was careful to listen. He is late 20's

I finally started asking questions about Tex . All I got was short answers. Then one day she just stopped talking about him completely. When I did ask she got very defensive.

Then many times late at night she would get texts. Anytime I would ask who it was, she would say , i dont know or wrong number . Yet I noticed it was the same text tone everytime.

This got me wondering....I have no access to her phone as it's always with her. Even takes it with her to shower ect.

So I started to read some forums on infidelity and other internet red flags ect.

I purchased 2 VARs from Amazon and had them delivered to my work.

I put one in our office at home and one under the seat of her truck.

It was then that I found out that she doesn't make or take calls from her truck . Instead she uses Google speech to text.

One that I caught thru the engine noise was this :

WW read my last text message

Unknown man hey can you grab me a coffee and what time will you be here ?

WW Sure I'll be there by 5:15am

Unknown man you feeling frisky this morning ?

WW Can you rise to the occasion ?

Unknown man oh yeah , meet me at 25

More to come....

During the summer , her work really picked up . Lots of campers and corporations sending people to refresh after covid . Like my work , we lost a lot of employees, and are still short staffed . Because of staffing, my wife worked many extra hours. Because of my work schedule I really didn't see her much throughout the summer. She wound up working 9 weekends in a row. Leaving Friday morning , returning Sunday afternoon.

I tried to talk to her, that we were having a disconnect in our relationship. She didn't want to hear it. More of a suck it up butter cup . This is our busy time. Get over yourself.

She had worked along weekend. As I was leaving for work I saw a paper on the ground near her truck . I picked it up and it was her paystub. From the previous week. Even though she worked all those hours , she was only paid for 30 hours.

It was at that point that something flipped a switch in my mind. I installed the VARs and shut my mouth.

Then I started to really think about things . During the winter one night when she came to bed I noticed a mark on her ass. It looked like a hand print . I asked her. Did someone slap you in the ass ? She said no. That she fell down on black ice in the parking lot getting out of her car . This seemed believable as I too slipped in our driveway on black ice that morning.

During the summer after one of the long work weekends she came home with marks on her face and neck . I asked what happened and she told me that she was removing ivy from one of the remote cabins and it brushed her face and she had some kind of skin reaction.

More later... I have to get ready for work

Jimi, did you confront your WW yet? Did you have a D-Day, in that you presented irrefutable evidence and she finally fessed up, is what I mean.

Are you looking for any specific help from us?

In another thread, you said that you caught your WW and another man having sex.

Now you're talking about other clues.

What's actually going on here?

D DAY...ITS GRAPHIC...

It was Friday night , I was almost asleep. It was exactly 10:38pm. We were both in bed when I heard a text message. You guessed it , it was that tone. My wife shook me and said. Are you awake ? I said yes I am now . She then told me that she had to go to work. I said can't it wait till morning, she said no. She had to go because the power was out in some of the rented cabins. She had the key to the room where the breakers are. Must have accidentally taken it home. I heard the door close about 10 minutes later.

I suspected something was going on with Tex..

I got dressed. And jumped in my truck, I was about 30 minutes behind her.

When I arrived at her work I didn't see her truck, yet her Google location said she was there. It was pretty accurate as she was on the access rd. To the remote cabins.

So I turned my lights off and started to drive . I parked at cabin 23 and started walking. And saw her truck parked at cabin 25..( just like the convo I caught on the VAR )

It was cold but a very moonlit walk.

I was a sniper in the army. So I know how to use light and shadows to conceal myself .

She was parked behind an electrical contractor van . I took a quick picture if the logo and phone number

The 1st window I came to was the bathroom window , it was all fogged up , couldn't see inside.

I went to the back of the cabin and there was light I could see. The curtain was wide open. I used the shadows to conceal myself .

I looked inside and saw it all.

There was my wife naked on her knees giving some 50ish man oral sex. Rough. Oral sex , he was bigger than me and when she gagged he slapped her face .

Now I know where the marks on her face came from

I just wanted to kick the Fucking door in And drag my wife out and beat his ass. But I didnt..didn't... instead I got my phone out and started to video record.

When he finished he gave her oral , when her legs shook I knew what that meant.

Then it was rough doggy , slapping her ass and pulling her hair...

At this point I was like detached from my body. Watching some gross rough sex video.

Then he did anal..And I had , had enough..

I left and went back to my truck , tears streaming down my face.

I took a selfie sobbing.
Before I got in the truck I vomited a few times.

I raced home , packed some clothes and left...

My lunch is over , I'll finish this later.

Jimi- I missed red flags also… many. I was too trusting. And honestly didn’t know they were red flags until after discovery and analyzing my life…

I’m so sorry for the graphic, horrendous way you discovered. I’m so very sorry you endured that. I hope you are seeking therapy to help you heal from this trauma

Please tell me you’ve filed for D or at least have started the process?

Have you confronted your WW since seeing this?

After D Day.....I left my house and went to walmxxx. I bought a cheap phone and synced my contacts. I called my boss and told him my dad was sick and I needed to go...

I lied , I went to see a friend I served with in Arkansas.

I completely ghosted my wife...

I've cried too many tears....

I turned my phone off.

After 6 days my mom called me and told me a detective had come to thier house aS I was listed by my wife as a missing person.