SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This ^^^^^^

Keep this in mind. She has been viewing you as an adversary and enemy for quite some time. She is many steps ahead of you on that front. Everything you communicate to her at present should be viewed from the lens of "how might she use this against me?"

First and foremost, take your lawyer's advice on things of this nature.

I'm so sorry that you had to find us.

Since you have that video, send it to your WW and to the AP's wife.
You've got nothing to loose. I wish I'd had that luxury but all I had was a verbal description that my friend gave me. He was the one who caught them in the act at work.

I was amazed that my WW blamed me for her affair, like I forced her to screw the AP.

I wish you the best.

@Dorothy 123. Yes I have suspicions since last summer. When I found the paystub, the hours VS the pay just didn't add up. That is what motivated me to place the VARS.

I gave the advice you mentioned, due to sleuthing many infidelity forums.

^^^^^^^

Hellfire... AMEN and AMEN!!!!

One other thing....

Talk everything over with your divorce attorney before revealing any of what you know to your wife. He can steer you in what you should divulge and how you should do it.

This is horrible! I would also tell the OBS then file for D

In any event, I **REALLY** do think you need to take action soon--filing for divorce including presenting convincing evidence that it was due to your WW's infidelity. I cannot imagine time, as in your delaying to act that is, can be your friend. My big concern here, to be more specific, is that your sudden disappearing could be viewed as abandonment and could completely change the narrative that the legal system understands. What I mean is that it may go from:

'Your Honor, I disappeared from my WW because I witnessed her having sex with another man, and I have strong evidence that this had been going on for quite some time now',

to instead:

My H just up and left me and would not return any of my 57 calls and 237 texts for all these weeks and so gee Your Honor, I took it to mean he abandoned our M and thus it was over. And now I am with someone else.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 11:39 PM, Wednesday, March 1st]

Jimmi,
So many of us have gone through the infidelity trauma, but you unfortunately got on the worse case discovery scenarios. We feel for you brother.

But now us the time to reach down to your strongest self and take care of business. Get a lawyer ASAP and follow their direction. Your business is to get out of this with your head held up, least financial impact and with some justice. Be calculating and logical..,,you want the least financial hit and get her the F out of your life. You can pick up the pieces later…take care of business!!!

Hey man I am so angry for you! Please listen to the collective wisdom here. I know you're a mess right now.

Do not send her anything. No contact means NO CONTACT.

Definitely do not send the pics or video. Do not send the one of you crying. This woman does not love you and has been treating you with the utmost disrespect for so long now. Do not give her anything to use against you. She does not respect you let alone love you. Do not let her toy with your heart and mind any more than she already has.

NO new contact means no new hurts. Do not let her hurt you any more with lies and gaslighting and blaming you or whatever else. This is not your fault.

Look man I am self-employed and I regularly work 80-100 hours a week consistently. My wife cheated and left. I thought it was because I worked too much. NO! It was because she wanted new and different dick and to feel all that goes along with forbidden raunchy sex. That simple. We had marriage problems that we could have worked on or she could have told me about or she could have respected me enough to say she wanted out.

By the way I still work a lot and my current girlfriend of two years is honest and loyal and faithful and treats me like freaking gold man. Working a lot has nothing to do with your wife having sex with another married man.

Speaking of which, YOU MUST TELL THE MARRIED MAN'S WIFE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND SHOW HER THE EVIDENCE. She deserves to know the truth. That guy is probably already in damage control knowing you have been gone "missing". Fuck that guy. He brought this on himself. His wife deserves to know the truth about what he has been doing.

Stop drinking and getting drunk. Eat healthy. Get in the gym. Workout until you are exhausted. Drink plenty of water. Go for walks or hikes or a run. Lean on your friends.

It gets better with time. You have been given the gift of now knowing what your wife really and truly thinks of you. Take that knowledge, focus on using it to get the hell away from her, never see or speak to her again, and let time help you move on to a better future without someone who would do this to you. Better to be alone for awhile.

Stay strong. Do not let her see you weak or cry or beg or ask why, ever. She doesn't know or care why. Do not give her that power over you. Do not have any contact with her. Let your lawyer handle that. Be done with this shit sandwich. Put her in the rear view and focus on all the good things that you have not even seen yet coming up through your own windshield of life. Keep posting. We are here to help you.

I talked again to my lawyer Tonight He suggested I answer my wife's calls and texts . Just to keep it civil.

So I called her tonight. She was a mess with questions. Where are you ? Why did you leave ? Is there someone else ? When are you coming back ?

So against what others have said I sent her the picture of the contractors van and a bj pick of her mid slap in the face . And I texted her , that's why I left.

Crickets...She hasn't called or texted me back yet .

I'm packed and headed back in the morning. I made a hotel reservation. Near where I live .

I haven't contacted the guys wife yet . I only have her FB page information. I want to run it past my lawyer before doing so .

He did tell me not to contact the OM , until we could sit down and talk in person.

He is afraid that I will meet him in person and explode .

I have a 2 day drive in front of me. I'll update when I can.
Thank you all for the advice and support.

Btw , I've lost 15#s

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this @Jimi007, it sounds truly horrific.

[This message edited by WonderingGhost at 3:48 PM, Thursday, April 20th]

Brother she sent you 127 text messages and 15 voicemails. But as soon as you tell her that you know what she has been doing, it's crickets.

Why? Because she IMMEDIATELY called the other guy to start planning and to get their stories straight. It will ALL BE LIES for them to cover their ass and downplay everything. Or to start the process of how they might try to be together.

The point is that she did not say "I love you please come home so we can talk about this" or "it's not what it looks like" or "it was just one time" or "I was feeling lonely". She didn't even say the usual "I'm sorry". Which is bullshit anyway. They are just sorry they got caught.

She has more loyalty to the other man than to you. She has no loyalty to you. She is not putting you first or your best interest first. She is not protecting you or your heart. She has devastated you. You will never forget what you saw. Mine was not nearly as graphic and I can still call that shit up in my mind at a moment's notice six years later.

The less contact you have with her the better. No new contact with her means no new hurts from her. She has hurt you enough. Why let her hurt you even more with lies and bullshit? She knew what she was doing.

Please tell the other betrayed spouse in no uncertain terms that you have undeniable and irrefutable proof of what her husband and your wife have been up to so he can't lie his way out of it. And he will try to lie his way out of it and say you are crazy. If anyone needs to see those pictures and video it is his wife. She deserves to know who she is married to and what her husband thinks of her and their marriage so that she can make appropriate and informed decisions of her own. But just like WonderingGhost said it may be best to tell her that the proof is very graphic and let her decide if she even wants to see it for herself. Some betrayed victims don't believe until they see proof especially with their spouse telling them lies. They are in shock and don't want to believe it. But seeing is believing.

I am so angry for you. This EXTREME betrayal and disrespect is traumatizing. It is a nuclear bomb going off. Your heart is ground zero. But we are here to help you recover.

[This message edited by LightningCrashes at 1:51 PM, Thursday, March 2nd]