SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

No new acts. Several new places - though this was mainly a practical matter as the majority of their physical relationship took place in backseats and closets where no one could see. They scurried around in the dark like the cockroaches that they were.

My husband did perfect some new and improved techniques with her that he happily brought home to use with me. In hindsight, it should have been a tip off at the time. That definitely caused some sexual triggers post-d-day.

I don't know what they did in bed and don't want to. We have a long history and I doubt she did anything with him I hadn't.

The things they did was exchanging graphic photos of each other, face timing while pleasuring themselves and home made films when they were together. Never saw any and am grateful I threw away the recordable dvds he had in his backpack. That would've been a mind movie burned into my brain I wouldn't be able to handle. I don't lower myself to degrading behavior like that. I don't find it sexy I find it to be the behavior of two people with no self respect and I'm far better than that.

Yep. Porn. Sex toys. Way more adventurous. I guess I was vanilla. She was rocky road.

My observation about this specific topic is that it goes to the core of the notions that (a) when it comes to affair recovery (or not), details matter, and (b) some injuries are simply too profound for R to succeed. I do believe there are degrees of injury that can be inflicted by infidelity, but that the measure of those degrees is personal and subjective to each betrayed spouse.

This

Jimi, so sorry for you.

I think this falls into a broader things-they-wouldn't-do-with-us category that isn't necessarily limited to sexual acts.

Hypothetical non-sexual example: Always hated hiking and would never go hiking with you for example... only to find out she went out of her way to arrange a hiking excursion with AP? Ouch. Same could be said for flowers, etc sent to AP but never to BS.

I'm not sure how to quantify it, but in addition to finding out you've been betrayed, things like this seem to make their relationship more 'special' than yours, which just piles on the hurt, especially if the activity you asked for and were denied is something you would have really cherished or valued.

I don't really have any good advice for you, other than I'm pretty sure just about every BS on this site is struggling with some version of the AP-was-treated-better-than-me deal and so we all know a bit how you are feeling :(

Jimi: In your last post on your thread before this one, on the 11th of this month, you SUSPECTED your wife of cheating, mainly based on ring-tones and attitude. Now it transpires you saw her having sex with OM. It would probably help you a lot to share your story, maybe in a new on-subject thread.
As far as seeing them… That’s what I did when I walked in on them. Nothing remarkable, and in retrospect a blessing. Whatever I can imagine is immensely worse than what I saw.

FWIW, my WW had been extremely sexual with me, at least prior to the creeping sexual drought that accompanied her A. There was nothing I could think of sexually that we hadn't done, enthusiastically, many times. There were many additional things we did sexually that she thought of because her sexual imagination was wider than mine.

Still, when I learned she had been sexual with another man, I felt devastated, emasculated, and sexually humiliated. The point being that those feelings aren't isolated to situations discussed in this thread.

All my EXWW got from her AP was some dirty car sex, you know, the kind that we all promise never to engage in again because it sucks so bad. Before I ended it, I asked her if he did anything for her? Gifts, dinner, a romantic hotel? Nope, nope,and nope. Not even a cup of coffee. She gave it all up for free, and a she got was some disappointing sex in a dirty work truck. So my EXWW totally got something new from her AP that I could not provide. Yuck ...

Nothing new. Ww and I have always had an adventurous, amazing sex life. At lower points in the marriage pre A it waa often the best thing we had going between us. We weren't great friends, or at least I wasn't a great friend to her. We didn't see eye ti eye often. I worked, she wanted me to slow down and enjoy life with her and the kids. I never could set down the weight of responsibility and let myself be free to do that. The biggest thing is what's already been mentioned, all the near public stuff they did. Outside in parks off trails and stuff like that. So that makes even hiking a trigger now. And it hurts thinking she was so desirous of him that she was willing to risk being caught outside to have him. But then again, she risked her whole family and marriage for him, so what's the next step of a stranger catching you? But I don't believe that was them being "adventerous" in a way we couldn't have been. We have a bed and home. They were limited and hurried all the time without a bedroom to go back to.

Justsomeguy.Just like in your wife's affair, my WW traded everything, broke her vows, nearly destroyed our marriage for so little,. There were no expensive gifts, gourmet restaurant meals, spas, exclusive high end hotels or international travel, all of which I have lavished on her over a lifetime together. All she got were hurried tawdry hookups in cheap motels, occasional fast food restaurants and a few insignicant gifts, cheap earrings, a few Christians cards and then the brush off at the end, as his interest waned and her patrician doctor AP moved on to the next willing young woman bedazzled by a white lab coat and the wealthy aura of a medical professional.

Jimi007

" I'm curious if Your cheating spouse did things in bed with AP that they would never do with you ?

And why did they do it , if it was always off the table in the marital bed."

She did, and I don't know why it was off the table with me. And remained off the table. She moved to one of the other bedrooms about that time, has been since. Kind of moot for me now, been 20 plus years since this happened, we're in our mid 60's. It still bothers me but I've resigned myself to it.

Nothing new, if that he did the only two things he liked less as it was a non-emotional thing. Which is what I found strange when we first discussed it as he decided to cheat on me for something that wasn't even amazing or different, but he said that it was because he didn't want nor there was any connection, he didn't want to look at her either.
I still find what he did pointless under this aspect, we always had a great intimate life, it was only during the period before his ONS that it had gone downhill due to my grieving and other external factors, but the two things he did were not off the table, they were just not on the preferred list. But they became a no-no for him afterwards as he said he didn't want to replicate nor relieve it as he still feel ashamed for what he did, and I could see it on his face when we tried.

My observation about this specific topic is that it goes to the core of the notions that (a) when it comes to affair recovery (or not), details matter, and (b) some injuries are simply too profound for R to succeed. I do believe there are degrees of injury that can be inflicted by infidelity, but that the measure of those degrees is personal and subjective to each betrayed spouse.

Agree with the above.

Hi Jimi,

I'm glad that you're sharing your story.
We will better be able to encourage, support and perhaps even advise you.
I'd recommend that you ask for the two threads to be put together into a cohesive whole,

Our sympathy for your pain and confusion, we have experienced it,
FAWH.

My XWH couldn't do certain things with AP that we did due to her physical restrictions.

This troll spun a sob story that got many members to feel sorry him. He is supposedly 62 and lost 15 lbs. And he supposedly stood out the window and watched his WW and AP had sex.

What an ass this troll was !

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 6:44 PM, Thursday, March 2nd]

My fWW performed oral sex on AP, something that she hadn't done to me in years. She'd told me that it made her feel dirty.

Trolls are best kept under the bridge.
Same probably applies to all they touch or create.
So let’s just allow this thread to slip down into the dark and murky waters of page 10 obscurity.

Bigger, what about people whom need to vent and take out their anger at the betrayal ?

Yeah, IMO it's sick to come to a support group where BS's here have faced the ultimate betrayal from their WS's and spin a sob story to betray the betrayed .

Scum really !

.

.

*Dorothy gives Bigger a fist bump because she has great respect for Bigger. *

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 8:12 PM, Thursday, March 2nd]

Don't know and I didn't really ask. Didn't want to know cause it would have just PISSED me off even more than I already was. Besides, I truly believe he would have lied through his teeth about it anyway for a couple of reasons:
1) Hurting me more than he already did & 2) His own self preservation. I GRILLED the SHIT out of him when he was caught. This would have only given me more ammunition.
But honestly, unless it was some really weird off the wall stuff, I doubt there is anything there. He's not a freak and I get the impression she wasn't either.
But who knows. At this point I don't give two shits or a fuck what they did. The mere fact that he stuck his dick in someone else is enough.

Inappropriate

[This message edited by WalkinOnEggshelz at 11:34 AM, Friday, March 3rd]