SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am preparing to file very soon. I was advised to wait for a bonus to be paid out the end of Jan and I have to finish a long financial document. And then boom, good bye mother f'er.

But he refuses to leave the house. He absolutely will not leave the house. He doesn't think it is right to leave our youngest child who is in HS. But it is not against his moral compass to cheat and lie and go to the bars everyday?? In 25 years of marriage, he snores BAD and refuses to even leave the bedroom (it is his room, entitlement crap). So I have always been the one that leaves the room so I can get some sleep. This is what I am dealing with.

Please tell me how you have endured IHS. It is utter HELL. We have already been doing this for 7 months. I can't imagine doing this for another 9months to a year until divorce is final. Please help- my mental fortitude is breaking. I have already endured so much. In our state, whoever abandons the house, will lose the house. So all attorneys strongly advise do not leave the house under any circumstance.

Any advice how to best handle IHS? Does one party move to a separate space in the house? I am the one that sleeps in another room from the snoring and the fact that I don't like him at all. We have not officially told the kids (adults) yet of the divorce but they know we have issues that most likely can not be resolved, but we are determining that. It's messy.

Please let me know if anyone had any success with getting WH out of the house when they are adamant of not leaving? I have been thinking of moving my mom in because I know that would drive him crazy!

Ugh! IHS sucks! I tried to treat XWH like a roommate and didn't stay in the same room. I spent my time at my desk or in my bedroom. I tried to coordinate meals, but probably shouldn't have.

I don't have any suggestions on getting him out of the house but wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Thank you. Anyone else have any insight? I don't think I can do this.

When you file you can ask for something I think is called residency or home residency. Basically it’s a decision the court makes early on in the process that allows one spouse to remain in the family-home and requires the other to leave. I don’t know of the financial implications – do you have to pay all the bills for the residence after that or is the cost of both residencies considered marital cost?

I put it in the divorce paperwork that I had sole use of the home. In my county the defendant has 60 days to contest before it goes before the judge. Once a judge signs off, if the person ordered to vacate doesn't move, you can call the cops and have him evicted. Ask your attorney for guidance. They will know what's legal in your location.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 5:34 AM, Sunday, January 29th]

That’s a question for a lawyer. In some states, you can get a decree for exclusive use of the home, but it depends on the circumstance (for example DV). I’m not sure how feasible it is to get your WH kicked out purely on the basis that they’re an intolerable asshole.

If it wouldn’t effect your divorce legally, is it feasible for you to move out? Or maybe stay elsewhere a couple times per week?

Ugh, I went through this and yes, it's hell. Set up camp in another room. Do NOT do anything for him, don't cook for him or do his laundry or change his sheets.
Ask your lawyer about getting an order in place for him to leave or pay for you to leave. It's hell.

I’m so sorry, hell it is! I would sleep in another room, use a different bathroom, move all of your clothes out of the closet into another space. Maybe you could take up some activities that will cause you to be away from the house when he is there. Maybe with the kid in HS you could ask if they want to do dinner once a week just the two of you. Maybe a class at a gym a couple nights a week or the library alone. My city has a women’s only hiking group I found on Meetup app. Hang in there, I hope it’s over soon for you!!!

I didn't go throught this, but a very close friend of mine did.

She and her now ex husband built a beautiful, large and very expensive home during their marriage and my friend put everything she had and was into decroating it and making it a lovely home. When their marriage hit the skids, he was going to move out (they had a daughter in Jr high at the time) and she was going to stay in the home. She had a great job and could afford to stay in it without him.
So he decides there is no way he is going to leave and refuses to go. She tried to deal with his refusal and they lived in opposite sides of the home, but she eventually realized she couldn't stand it anymore and it wasn't good for their daughter. she also knew because of their financial situation and their assets that the divorce (he was being a dick about that too) was going to drag out for months. (Which it did. It took almost two years before it was final)
She took her daughter and left. She purchased another home and moved out and wasn't happy about it. She loved that home and the ex still to this day lives in it!
I don't know all the details about the divorce settlement, but she was just happy to be rid of him.