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Newest Member: KstinTX

Divorce/Separation :
Loneliness

Topic is Sleeping.
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 JammyWheel (original poster member #80828) posted at 9:43 PM on Sunday, January 8th, 2023

It is LONELY

There I said it


I don’t know what the answer is


But it is LONELY

posts: 68   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2022
id 8772562
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 1:28 AM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

You have been heard.

It's been 4 years for me since wh abandoned me for secret second life of who knows what.
And I can say that it was devestating. But it is possible to heal and grow and find people who are good and kind to spend quality time with. I wish you peace, companionship and happiness this coming year. Sorry it feels lonely now and hope that changes soon for you.

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1649   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8772571
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 1:29 AM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

You have been heard.

It's been 4 years for me since wh abandoned me for secret second life of who knows what.
And I can say that it was devestating. But it is possible to heal and grow and find people who are good and kind to spend quality time with. I wish you peace, companionship and happiness this coming year. Sorry it feels lonely now and hope that changes soon for you.

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1649   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8772572
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 1:30 AM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

Ps the people on here have been really supportive and kind and helped me through many a lonely time.

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1649   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8772573
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:30 AM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

I don't feel lonely, but rarely ever have. I can talk to my kids, the cashier at the shop, or anywhere. But, I'm an introvert, if that makes a difference to you.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3424   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8772583
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:35 AM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

I have been very lonely, since my am dissolved as well at times. But I’ve also grown accustomed to being with myself and I now enjoy it quite a lot. I also realized that this kind of loneliness is not nearly as bad as the loneliness I felt in my marriage during my husbands affair that was a different and far worse type of loneliness.

Hang in there and know that it gets better. I did take to saying yes to every offer made to me and I pretty much still do that. It keeps me busy, but it keeps me trying new things, and it helps to alleviate some of the boredom and loneliness, especially during those times when I don’t actually want to go do some thing. It kind of just makes me go out there and interact and I always feel better after I have.

You’ve been heard.((hugs))

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5976   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8772595
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:12 AM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

What options do you have for social networking?

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13923   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8772601
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Guide #64418) posted at 2:16 PM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

As you can tell from my username, I totally understand the feeling.

It does get better - at first, like everyone, I had to accept that the relationship I thought I had was a figment of my imagination, fueled by fraudulent misrepresentations from my WH. Once I reached acceptance there were times when I missed the days prior to the A with my WH - when things seemed real and genuine - when our relationship had so much promise. But now,over 5 years out, I do not mourn any of it. It doesn't hurt to think how much of my time was wasted on all of that - I do get mad from time to time that all that time was stolen from me - but in all honestly I don't think about it much at all now.

The answer, unfortunately, is TIME.

You will get there.

You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.

Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts

posts: 2325   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8772617
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 JammyWheel (original poster member #80828) posted at 1:22 PM on Wednesday, January 11th, 2023

Thank you for all these replies
It helped me to feel… less lonely!

posts: 68   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2022
id 8772884
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 3:37 AM on Thursday, January 12th, 2023

I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. My husband and I are still together so I don’t want to pretend that I fully understand, but I will say that working through betrayal has come with some of the most profoundly lonely feelings I’ve ever experienced. Hugs to you. Two things I’ve done that have been somewhat successful for me in lonely times is being in nature in any way, shape, or form, or doing something with my hands—a jigsaw puzzle, house project, craft project, whatever.

Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 630   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8773027
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Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 3:08 PM on Thursday, January 12th, 2023

Yeah, I get the loneliness. I'm 5 years post Dday 2 and 3 years single, after a failed dating relationship. Early on, I used to get hit with waves of loneliness, but I found that if I fought it, it was worse. So I learned to turn into them, realizing that I was not lonely, but merely experiencing the temporary feeling of loneliness, which would pass. Usually I felt better in the morning after a good sleep.

For me, although I occasionally feel loneliness, it has largely been replaced with aloneness, which is s state I am in. I quite enjoy the peace and tranquility of solitude. I still do things socially, but on my own, not looking for a partner. As well, I have a pretty demanding career which drains my social/emotional battery by the end of the day, so I look forward to being alone.

My recommendation is to chase excellence. Make a list of things you've wanted to do, classes, meetups, hobbies goals, and do them. Go through your local event guide a d pick one event each week and go to it. I do dance lessons a couple times a week and really enjoy it. There are probably some great singles clubs that are not designed for people looking for relationships as well. These can be great low stress options.

I recently heard of a men's group that volunteers on small community projects as a way of bonding socially. I'm going to check that out this spring. Anyhow, keep your chin up. Hoping for good things for you.

I'm an oulier in my positions.

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 20

posts: 1807   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8773066
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 JammyWheel (original poster member #80828) posted at 2:36 PM on Friday, January 13th, 2023

Thanks everyone

Maybe they should have a dating area on the forum lol

posts: 68   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2022
id 8773253
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CoderMom ( member #66033) posted at 3:54 AM on Wednesday, February 1st, 2023

It gets easier. Finding hobbies to keep you busy. Friends help. Eventually you might find a way to get out and start dating again.

posts: 353   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Eastern States
id 8775613
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YogaCat ( new member #82517) posted at 10:44 PM on Wednesday, February 1st, 2023

I get rushes of loneliness as well. Healing is always done in waves. One thing that helps me is to think, I don't want to be alone but I'd rather be alone than settle for someone who disrespects me. When I start to miss my WH or anyone that has betrayed me I try to repeat that in my head. The pain I felt from the betrayal is worse than the pain I feel from loneliness. Also getting a pet truly helps too. My cat brings me a lot of sense of companionship and joy. :)

Peace and Love

posts: 10   ·   registered: Dec. 7th, 2022
id 8775731
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 2:11 AM on Thursday, February 2nd, 2023

Aww yoga..makes me want to get a pet.

I have enjoyed travelling to hostels in the US so I would not be alone. I also enjoyed a women's group and volunteering.

But I can empathize with people who are feeling lonely. That is a valid reason people commit to marriage...

Wishing everyone who is feeling lonely many positive and healthy relationships and experiences 💜

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1649   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8775756
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hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 2:09 PM on Thursday, February 2nd, 2023

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way now. I do as well. I can enjoy my own company quite a bit, but going from sharing my life with someone to being alone.... it's a gut punch. I know it will get better, but it's so hard.

Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single

posts: 15762   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2006   ·   location: So Cal
id 8775787
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Buckles ( new member #82495) posted at 10:28 PM on Tuesday, February 14th, 2023

What you say is true. Everyday is much the same, and I don’t see a change on the horizon. No clue how to fix this.

posts: 5   ·   registered: Dec. 4th, 2022
id 8777696
Topic is Sleeping.
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