SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So my partner and I have been together 8 years have 2 kids together and I have 2 kids from a previous relationship that he has helped me raise. We were having some problems so took a break, been working on getting back together and hes been back home for 2 weeks, whilst he has known all this has been going on and not giving me the full facts. A couple of days ago I get message from a girl on facebook asking me to call her. He has been sleeping with someone else whilst on the break and is now pregnant with triplets. He asked her to terminate the pregnancy she has choses to continue with it. Shes 11 weeks along. I haven't really spoken to him about it much as I need time to process how im feeling first but I feel like there is no resolution when there is other children involved apparently its not 100% they are his kids but I have no idea whats true or not has anyone been through anything similar? I really need some guidance on how to cope and process this.

Thanks

I think if you do some digging, you will find that he was having this affair before the break.

The best advice I can give you,whether you plan to stay with him or not,is file for divorce and child support. In most states, whoever files for CS first, gets the most amount of money. And,with triplets,his CS to her will be a huge hit to your family finances.

If she is pregnant with his children, then you will never have NC. She will always be in your life. It will take a huge toll on your relationship. You need to seriously consider if staying with him is good for your mental health.

[This message edited by HellFire at 4:41 PM, Wednesday, January 4th]

And you need to consult with a lawyer right now to be sure you get all the CS your kids need/deserve. In some places, the $ goes to whomever files first. Make sure you are protecting yourself and your kids whether you split or try to R.

Also, I agree on the questionable timeline on his end. Go get STI/STD testing and make sure he does too if you are going to be intimate with him.

Lastly, did you two have ground rules while "on a break"?

I agree with the advice to consult with an attorney. You need to know how to best protect your children.

What do you want?

How long was said break?

I find it interesting that she spontaneously got pregnant with triplets. It happens, certainly, but still . . . odds are not favorable.

But coming back to you . . . what do you want?

Cat

Thanks for the replys.

So we are in the UK so not sure if the CS is different- we aren't married but have been together since 2014.

I had a very long phone call with the OW she said they have been on and off since sep- we took a break on 17th Sep so it probably was going on beforehand. I have had an STI test and im all clear luckily.

Basically he was the most perfect partner adored me and the kids would do anything for us then he turned 30 in March and I dont know what happened but he was going the pub all the tume drinking going off doing what he wanted lost his drivers licence and went on a downward spiral took the break for him to get his head together due to his mental health not being great. It was ment to be 'me time' not dipping in someone else time started seeing how things went Nov going on dates days out with the kids ect. Things were going great thought this is it were going to be ok then I get that dreaded facebook message.

Its so hard I wanted to try and give it another go but after finding this out I dont know how to move forward he will have her in his life and I wont be able to cope with that but at the same time not 100% they are his and how on earth does someone fall pregnant with triplets naturally is that even possible? So confusing I feel like I need a few more days to process before talking to him properly about the situation.

I would put the car keys on his "going off the rails" prior to the break to the fact that he had started an affair. Trust me, people who are unfaithful lie and lie a LOT. Let me guess--it was his idea for the "break," right? Said "break" was basically so he could spend time with the OW without feeling guilty. This happens a LOT.

I would suggest getting some counseling and getting your boundaries clear and unequivocal. Trust me in that he will likely say anything to you to get you to agree to take him back and it is VERY likely he will take the affair underground. Now, that doesn't mean all is lost, but what it does mean is you have to be prepared to lose the relationship to save it. What are the CONSEQUENCES of continued lying, continued contact with her? What are the MINIMUM things you would need to start feeling safe in the relationship (bare minimum: no contact of ANY sort with her, total transparency with his phone, his IMs, his smoke signals, etc. He needs to be tested for STDs and there needs to be a plan in place to deal with this supposed pregnancy).

Can you really live with someone who ostensibly created children with someone else?

If you do decide to try and reconcile, you MUST hire an attorney and ALL communication from this person goes through the attorney. She is NOT to contact either of you, and you MUST have her notified of your intent to prove paternity. This is HIGHLY important.

You also need to protect the children of this relationship, and you will need to hire YOUR own attorney to do so. Do NOT share the attorneys--this is really important.

It's a lot to process and you're smart to take the time to do so.

Cat

Very good advice so far. When a spouse needs a separation to find themselves, it’s usually code for "sit and wait on the sidelines while I try something else". He more than likely had started with her before taking a break.

Some people can't get past one OC. I don't know how anyone could get past 3. I would kick his butt to the curb until he can prove (through blood tests) that they aren't his. That is just too much to ask from you. I am so so sorry.

Hi Jadexx,

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I truly cannot imagine. I just wanted to let you know that there is a thread here on the "I Can Relate" board called "Dealing with OC". OC = other child. Basically its a board specifically for people in this type of scenario.

I would also be a little skeptical of the OW's claims here without actual proof. Its not totally uncommon for OW who have been abandoned by their AP's to fake pregnancies or to lie about paternity when they feel they are being abandoned. As you mention, natural triplets are uncommon, though not unheard of (apparently 1 in 10,000 pregnancies according to google).

Please take care of yourself. This is trauma. Are there people in your life that you can talk to without fear of judgement?

The very first on your list is to talk with an attorney (solicitor) and find out what YOUR rights and your children's rights are.

Secondly, don't quickly buy into the 'pregnancy' talk as some OW pull that card when they see the guy might be reconciling with their wife/partner. We hear of a lot of 'false pregnancy' allegations on this forum. If she's lying and embellishing, she is going way overboard with 'triplets.' If you decide to R with your partner, insist on a DNA test if she really IS pregnant.

Take care of yourself and your children first and worry about your partner and HER last. Don't have any more conversations with HER. Speak to an attorney first.

1. This relationship was happening before the break. Id bet my lunch. His behaviors are indicative of someone going off the rails and that often starts with an AP.

2. Along with betting my lunch I'd bet my dinner she isn't pregnant, and really doubt with triplets. I've been here a long time and can't tell you how many women come saying the same things you are and then suddenly there is a miscarriage when there is a demand for a DNA test.

You absolutely need to file for child support immediately, which means seeing an attorney.

You don't need to make a decision on the future as far as the relationship goes but you do need to set some serious boundaries

How does she know it’s triplets? How far along is she? I am with the others…I wonder if there is a pregnancy.
If he stays with her he will be the father of 7 children including your two. Is he bummed or elated?
The only way any of this makes sense is that this affair was already going when he wanted to "separate".
Get a bulldo for an attorney and protect yourself and your kids.