SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My RN wife's affair with a surgical resident doctor while working in the Emergency Room of a Southern California hospital in the 1970's was, I have since discovered, the source of a great deal of prurient interest among the nurses and other doctors, many of whom were sexually involved. Few if any had progressed to a full on PA with a married nurse however, so the degree of interest in following the affair was high to the point that it wss agreed to not disturb the adulterous occupants of the suite of rooms reserved for Med and Surgical Residents when they slipped in there after work to enjoy bed time together. My wife has admitted that around thirty co-workers knew of their affair, even my personal doctor was aware of their coupling and in an oblique way tried to warn me about her affair.. I did not fully understand his monition, sadly.All my wife's sisters knew plus a number of female friends, I now believe even her mother knew. All in all at least fifty people were aware of her betrayal other marriage vows. maybe more. Anybody else have a similar number of people in the know? Does it disturb you as much ad it did me, knowing nobody, except one person, attempted to warn me?

As you can imagine, it's slow on holidays. I read your post, but my W kept the knowledge very narrow - just her and ow until the last couple of weeks when OBS was brought into the loop. It still sucks.

Infidelity is apparently so rampant in hospitals that I can see people shrugging their shoulders. Family ... I expect at least 99 out of 100 to support their relatives.

Still sucks. Still sucks even though no one knew except the players.

It didn’t happen to me but to a very close friend. Turns out her HS BF turned H was a serial cheater. He had two OW, a fiancée and an OC and was supporting the child snd former OW, unbeknownst to his wife.

All his friends knew. And their wives and GFs. And all his co-workers knew. And their spouses and SO. Even the neighbors knew.

The only people who did not know was her friends and family.

The only way my friend found out was b/c the OW got dumped by my friends CH and she called my friend and spilled the beans.

All of it.

She ditched them all, moved and re-started her life.

She’s been happily D for decades from the serial cheating former H. He however, has never changed.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 8:37 PM, Thursday, November 24th]

Did you tell your son today that he’s not your biological child?

Well, one sister warned me, but it was the day after my XWH slept with his sister/AP. Two weeks later, I found evidence on his phone and now we're D.

I've gone the D route and not sure if knowing in advance would help. Doing much better now.

I highly suspect that WH and LTAP were the best kept non-secret in town.

LTAP lives out of state but lived here during school years. So she would know many in the area. I've heard more than once over the years "don't you remember such and such event?... No - you have to..., your WH was there and you were with him..."

So I realized that while they may not have been outwardly dating, people did assume they were together. And [as we are similar build and for a while she had similar hair as mine] it was "assumed" by many that the woman WH would talk with was me. And while I have come to expect this assumption and come to realize while they were "careful" in public the vibe they gave off was one of "together". And it stings every single time.

Now when someone mentions a generic way-back moment I just smile and nod while my insides are sobbing. I now mention these moments to WH on the way home [I used to hide them and my pain]. I tell him I mention them because it caught me off guard and I know I will seem out of sorts. And while I'm not "rubbing his nose in it" per se, I am making him aware. Because it affects me and us.

Now that all that is said - I'm sure there are a select close few that actually did figure it out at the time but did/said nothing WH or I.

What an awful thing to learn so many years later, OldBeachOwl.

Fortunately, as far as I know, no one else was aware of my H's affair, however people he worked with CLEARLY would have observed what likely looked like an inappropriate friendship and even THAT was humiliating to me - even though it shouldn't have been. I did nothing wrong. Same with you - YOUR dignity is tact, no matter how differently you're feeling now.

Welcome to SI. I've seen your story in bits and bops in your other replies, but especially since your D-day was somewhat recent, I encourage you to post a JFO story.

"None are so blind as choose not to see." That is the typical BS mantra until the evidence overwhelms. But everyone else usually aren’t so inhibited, and know well before the BS. They at least aren’t surprised when it comes out.

Our friend group knew. I dumped them all.

OBO,

I've read some of your story on other's posts.

Your WW is a piece of work! I'm not sure how old your son is, but there must decades of lies coming from her lips!

I know it will be heartbreaking to you to inform your son that you are not his biological father, but it must be done. I believe you said the POSAP died from cancer, your son needs to know if genetics places him at risk. Who knows your son may be entitled to some of POS's estate, and buy matching sports cars for you and him.

You POSWW needs to have the light of day shown on her deceitful soul.

Sending you strength!

OBO,
Sending you strength during this holiday season . This is probably also a good time to tell your oldest son that you are not his biological father, BUT you love him the same as your own flesh and blood .

A good idea as well to tell the POS family about your son’s existence. Yes, who knows you ended with a sports car for each of you !

My wife is an RN and has worked at only 2 hospitals. One had 350 patient beds and the 450. So, good sized hospitals with lots of employees. She knew of only 1 rumored infidelity in all those years. The rumor was regarding 2 female coworkers and that they were involved with one another. Both were married to men. Even though the rumor was widely known, it was only a rumor with no known proof.

I am not sure it's helpful to tell the son, not sure that the pros outweigh the cons in this situation. In fact, I see no real positives.

Maybe a different era with different views and morals. The 70s was also the highlight of keychain parties, private screenings of Behind the Green Door, Deep Throat and things that we wouldn’t necessarily consider "common" or even reasonable today. Maybe you were simply considered a seriously uncool and possessive dude by the hip and chilling free-love crowd dominating the work-culture at the hospital. Sort of "Chill out man, she’s not your possession…" mentality.

I also think that many of those that "knew" maybe didn’t… It was probably a rumor that once exposed everyone is saying "aha! I KNEW IT!" when in fact they suspected it.

But yes. It does surprise me the number of people that come out of the woodworks afterwards and share they knew.
In my instance my fiancé (at the time) would go pick up random guys for sex. I learned afterwards that several of her closer friends knew and were even with her on some of the nights (as in a GNO and she would disappear with a guy for an hour or two). I also got some retrospective comments from people that told me they suspected, they had heard rumors or that they had noticed something suspicious.

At the time our social life revolved a lot around her friends so I could easily distance myself from them. Of my friends there was one who knew but didn’t tell me and our friendship undeniably took a dent.

It’s been quite some many years since… I met my ex fiance’s former co-owner at their hair- and beauty salon about 10 years ago by coincidence one evening and she shared with me how sorry she was for never warning me. I really appreciated that.

I was both surprised and disappointed by how many of my wife's friends (who I had relationships with as well) and family knew about her long term affair. It was just more salt in the wound.

Fairly certain my former MIL knew. Mainly as she never warmed to me to matter how I helped her and her family.

I'll be honest I have no idea how you are holding up after the news you got, I really don't. My wife read your story as I was, and she looked at me and said "You'd never speak to again would you!" It wasn't a question, it was a factual statement.

Even if there were people around me that knew about my wifes affair and didnt say anything to me,no matter how long ago it was they would be as dead to me as she is.

[This message edited by LegsWideShut at 7:15 PM, Monday, November 28th]

In my case no one knew

It was my MIL that 1st tipped me off as she had her suspicions.

It was a family tradition in her family it seems for the wife to have a MLC A and I guess her mother knew all the signs. She had her own ONS at exactly the same time in life. I did not know any of this because every other single BH had rugswept.

*

[This message edited by Papi at 1:09 PM, Sunday, June 18th]

What irks me was that was my wife’s only rule with her ex-girlfriend when the affair began: she must absolutely, positively NOT tell anyone! But less than a month or so into the six month affair my wife says she found out her ex had been dropping hints to her mom and her sisters about someone she was seeing. They all found out. What irks me to no end is that I knew these people. They had congratulated us heartily the year before the affair WHEN WE GOT MARRIED! Not a one of them reached out to me … not a one of them suggested to my wife she should stop, or their sister/ daughter) that she must stop seeing a married woman, even if she was her ex!

And in spite of the fact that breaking that one rule was the deal-breaker for the affair, her ex boo-hooed her way back into my wife’s graces.
🤯