I'm so sorry for the devastation you are facing.
I'm a little confused about the timeline:
he admitted having sex with a coworker in 2000 when I thought things were finally good between us;
Did he confess in 2000, but it happened earlier, or did the sex with the coworker happen in 2000?
He swears that was the last time and he has been completely faithful for the past 32 years
Either way, you seem to understand that he has not been "completely faithful" for the past 32 years.
This past winter he had been sexting with multiple women on Facebook which is when this all came out....He had asked for nude pictures of these women and told them to be sure to include their pussy and nipples in the pictures.
This is in no way "completely faithful" behavior.
You have said elsewhere, I believe, that he only counts penis in vagina sex as "cheating"...but it doesn't matter how he has chosen to lie to himself to justify his betrayals.
You know, like we all know, that sexting is cheating. Finger/hand/mouth play on genitals is cheating. Kissing is cheating. Emotional affairs are cheating.
If the tables were turned and you were treating another man...or men...like boyfriends (online or in person) your husband would feel cheated on.
Your husband hiding behind "this doesn't count as cheating" only makes him more unsafe to you and to any healing.
He says he just wants me to be happy again.... He is finally able to talk about "are we back to this again?"
Gently, is he really concerned about your happiness or his own?
For many, many years--clear up to this past winter--he has done whatever makes him happy and relied on you to be the loyal, supportive wife while he cheated. Now that you know and have withdrawn to "legal companion" status, he wants you to "be happy again"?? He was a cake eater for much of your marriage; it seems like he is pining for his own happiness--that state where he kept real-life girlfriends or one night stands or online girlfriends, while also having a wife who thought we was great. Now that's over, and he's mourning it. It seems he wants to rush you into just getting over it already.
You've made your pro/con list, and I don't blame you for staying. If you do stay, stay on your terms. Redefine what happiness means to you. Find joy and happiness outside of him. Care for yourself.
He has redefined your marriage for years; you just weren't always aware of it.
Now you get to define your own happiness and safety. Don't feel guilty about that at all.
Support to you!
[This message edited by BreakingBad at 7:54 AM, Tuesday, November 1st]