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Reconciliation :
Reframing the name


 Ladybugmaam (original poster member #69881) posted at 8:24 PM on Thursday, July 21st, 2022

The OW has a special, funny name….ironically one that FWH called her behind her back… my phone.

But, I see that/her real name everywhere….

It’s small potatoes. Give me a funny way to turn this around when I see it.

EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.

posts: 254   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2019
id 8745705

emergent8 ( member #58189) posted at 8:28 PM on Thursday, July 21st, 2022

The OW in my situation is now referred to as "that hoe-bag" by both my H and myself. It makes me smile too :)

Me: BS, Him: WS. Mid-late 30s.
Together 15 years, married 6 (11 m at D-Day).
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
5 years (and two toddlers) into R. Happy.

posts: 960   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8745706

Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 8:52 PM on Thursday, July 21st, 2022

The AP has a very common last name. So common that one of the vaccines has his name twice J&J. It’s impossible to avoid it, I even have a client with my W first name and AP last name.

I’m not really triggered by it anymore because he was nothing, my WW went looking in the trash for something better, she will never find it there.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH 55 WW 48 M 31 years, 4 kids 2 grown 2 grandkids

posts: 1637   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8745712

Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 1:52 AM on Friday, July 22nd, 2022

This is a hard one to turn around...but with her name will probably desensitize you to it smile .

My H's adultery co-conspirator's name is Lillian...but she goes by Lily. Here in south of our symbols is the fleur-de-lis...or the flower of the lily. Fleurs-de-lis are everywhere...even my Beloved New Orleans Saints have that symbol on their helmet!!

No one else may have realized it...but Lily is the name of the cute At&T lady in the commercial. That is Harry Potter's Mama's name too!! One day I decided I was just going to think of the adultery co-conspirator as Lillian...and then I watched the movie Bridesmaids...where the bride is named Lillian laugh !!

What made it funny for ME was when my H came home with flowers. He told me he wanted to get me a pretty bouquet that didn't have lilies in them...and I was picturing him examining all of the different bouquets to make sure there were no lilies. It was a funny picture in my head laugh . As I was putting the bouquet in a vase...I came across ONE single stem that was a lily laugh !! It seemed to have been put in there by accident...and it was bent. I kept it in the bouquet...and watched it die. I realized it had NO power over me...and I asked my H to specifically get me a bouquet with lilies in it the next time he decided to buy me flowers smile . Now...that name truly doesn't bother me smile .

I think it is kind of cool how you and your FWH have a certain name of the adultery co-conspirator...and that you have it in your phone grin !! That's pretty funny right there laugh !! I bet y'all can come up with something funny...y'all seem to do pretty well TOGETHER grin !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6170   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8745763

HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 2:24 AM on Friday, July 22nd, 2022

The fact that you see the name everywhere… brings to kind something that is common. Not special at all. Dime a dozen.

Now we are in the Recon forum and there’s no name calling the OW in here, so I’m just gonna leave that ^^^^^^^ up there, lol.

Hope that helps.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4748   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8745765

CaptainRogers ( member #57127) posted at 4:07 PM on Friday, July 22nd, 2022

My wife's AP shares a first name with two good friends of mine, three of my clients, as well as the husband of our MC. Whenever our MC starts to tell us a story about what she and her husband talked about, or worked on, or whatever, Mrs. Cap always cringes when the MC says her husband's name.

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

posts: 3268   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2017   ·   location: The Rockies
id 8745884

FireandWater ( member #80084) posted at 6:08 PM on Friday, July 22nd, 2022

I also cringe whenever I hear the AP's name. I never use it in conversation with WH. I simply refer to her as "that person." Sadly, though, I used to really like her name. In fact, it would have been our daughter's name if we had a girl. In my second pregnancy, the ultrasound tech told me she was 99 percent sure I was having a girl. This was 24 years ago when the pictures weren't as detailed. So, for months we referred to the baby as "her name." I even did a cross-stitch picture for the nursery with the name on it. At 37 weeks, I had another ultrasound to determine the baby's size and position. Whoops! Something new was on the picture and it was definitely a boy. We quickly shifted to a new name that, thankfully, is not related to the girl's name we had chosen. I asked WH if it would have made a difference if we had a daughter by the same name. Would it have caused him to think twice about taking up with that person? He said maybe, I don't know... Yeah, probably not.

posts: 90   ·   registered: Mar. 15th, 2022
id 8745914

Notaboringwife ( member #74302) posted at 1:11 PM on Monday, July 25th, 2022

Take the OP's first or second name, or even both and spell the name(s)backwards. Example : mary becomes yram. Have fun with the pronunciation, go creative.

Me: fBS late 60’s
Him: fWH late 60’s
DDay : March 2019
Separation: March 2019
R: June 2019

Shift your internal stance from "I’m right and you’re wrong" to "help me understand." Everything else follows from it...

posts: 318   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2020
id 8747129

Notaboringwife ( member #74302) posted at 1:12 PM on Monday, July 25th, 2022

PS. I do not mean to disparage the name of mary in any way whatsoever.

Me: fBS late 60’s
Him: fWH late 60’s
DDay : March 2019
Separation: March 2019
R: June 2019

Shift your internal stance from "I’m right and you’re wrong" to "help me understand." Everything else follows from it...

posts: 318   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2020
id 8747130

RaggedyAnne ( new member #78800) posted at 1:52 PM on Tuesday, July 26th, 2022

I do not use their names and I created creative names for them. I have come to accept I will always think of them or what he did when I hear their real names. It is just part of the brutal gift that keeps on giving I guess.

posts: 40   ·   registered: May. 15th, 2021
id 8747250
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