Well, today we had some bad news.
First of all, we got the results of the HIDA scan of his gallbladder. The doctor said that although it didn’t squeeze the bile through as fast as it could, it wasn’t enough to be harmful to him or to cause him any pains. So that was actually good news, however it leaves us with no answer about the belly pain.
Also, his blood pressure was up again in the middle of the night, While he was sleeping. It was something like 242/135. They had thought that his high blood pressure was from the pain, and his response to the pain, but since he was sleeping peacefully and had had pain medicine, they think maybe that is not the cause of it.
The worst news was that he has yet another UTI. And this one is very resistant to antibiotics. 😢 The nurse said from a whole long list of antibiotics that they use from time to time, there are only four that will treat the bug that he has now. She is going to consult infectious disease doctors to find out which would be best for him. My husband wants to treat the infections, so they are starting him on one of those four antibiotics today.
His urine has been so unbelievably clear this past week…so I was so shocked / discouraged to hear about this latest UTI, that I forgot to ask which antibiotic they would give him.
I have been texting my niece who is a hospice nurse off and on this afternoon, and she has offered a lot of good advice to me. She’s the one that told me about a month ago, after I pressured her, that she didn’t necessarily believe that in the next three months or so he would be gone, but after about a year, she would think that it would be possible. Today when I was asking her about "next steps" if the anabiotic‘s did not work, in the course of our conversation, with the information about this latest hospital stay - she let me know that she felt that he would absolutely qualify for hospice- which , of course, suggests that she judges that he has less than six months to live.
I’m just so terribly sad today. And full of guilt. (But I will address that on the general form for obvious reasons.)
The most amazing thing was that when the doctor left the room, my husband just went back to sleep. It wasn’t as if he was avoiding / denying what she had said, or anything, it just didn’t seem to sink in. Or maybe he didn’t care.
My biggest dread for now is that we will not work through this together. Nothing will be settled. I watched my parents my whole life, as almost every child does. And I watched how they were a team through everything. Everything. Through my father’s late in life "change of career" decision, through decisions about family issues, even through fights… They were a team. And as my father moved toward the end of his life, they were still a team - deciding when to stop a treatment, what he should and shouldn’t eat, when to sign up with hospice, etc. I know I should be thinking only of what my H is facing right now, but it is inconceivable to me that I will have to go through this alone… Without him.
No one (drs) has said to me that I need to start working on his end of life plan except for you fine people, and my niece, both of whom have professional expertise.
So I am not going to broach the subject with my husband yet. I feel like if he went home on the "Hospital At Home" program to receive IV meds, and if the meds don’t work, it would be an obvious next step to palliative care. And then from there, maybe hospice.
I feel bad that I am already preparing for these horrible things, but I will be making all of these decisions when he is unable to. And I will be alone doing it. So I just wanna get all my ducks in a row. I want to look at every option and consider what he wants and think what would be the easiest way to ease him into these programs considering that he doesn’t seem ready for it now. I guess it is very possible that he could have more healthy time than what I am fearing, but I need to be prepared.
Y’all, don’t know how much it means to me to get to come to you with this kind of thing. I know that you are "with me" in spirit. I won’t be able to read your responses unless I leave the hospital again, Because their Wi-Fi is not working properly today. Maybe later I can go step outside.
Thanks again for always listening. And for your positive energy, good thoughts, and especially prayers.
[This message edited by WhatsRight at 11:15 PM, Tuesday, July 19th]