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New Beginnings :
Well, that didn't turn out as planned!

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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 8:59 AM on Saturday, June 11th, 2022

Ok, so I had certain things in mind for my Friday night. Well, mine and Mr. Nicest Guy Ever's (aka "Saturday Date"). Let's just refer to him as the NGE.

So I decided at 5:30 a.m. that today is going to be the morning that I remember to text him first, so I did. Before 8:30. Nothing back by 10. 11, I text him and ask him if he's OK. At noon, I call and get his voice mail. I text him at 2:30, asking him to please let me know if he's OK. I call two more times, and no answer.

I flip back and forth between terrified that there was something really really wrong and angry that the guy that told me he'd never ghost me did exactly that. My anxiety disorder goes through the roof, but I have these damn contracts I have to get done for work, so I cram and get them done by 5.

At 5, I hop into the shower, bound and determined to head over to his house to find out what the hell is up. When I get out of the shower 10 minutes later, there's a text from him telling me that he is NOT OK and really sick. Then he calls me as I'm reading the text, and says "please come." He sounds like hell and I head right over.

Already long story short, I take him to the ER and they do a bunch of medical things and admit him to the hospital. So I stop at the Wally World and pick him up some essentials, and walk into his room at the hospital about 15 minutes after he gets there.

There on the wall is all of his info on a white board. There in the emergency contact section is my name and phone number and "(spouse)" after my name. laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh

I stayed until 2 a.m., went back to his house, walked his dog, then came home to grab a few hours' sleep, and I'll be back at the hospital in the morning after I walk my dog and his.

I was planning on taking things to the next level tonight, but I never would have guessed I would end up being his assumptive spouse!

When I asked NGE about it after the medical staff cleared out, he told me they asked him for an emergency contact, and he gave them my name and number. They made the assumption that I was his spouse.

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8739717
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 11:55 AM on Saturday, June 11th, 2022

I hope he is ok. And recovers quickly.

You are a good friend - he’s lucky to have you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12307   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8739721
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:45 PM on Sunday, June 12th, 2022

Well that was a curve ball. Hope he is on the mend! And glad you two seem so nicely connected.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4886   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8739868
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 1:57 AM on Wednesday, June 15th, 2022

He got me flowers yesterday for no reason at all.

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8740261
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 12:45 PM on Thursday, June 16th, 2022

He’s a very nice guy who appreciates you. smile

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12307   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8740434
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 8:02 PM on Thursday, June 16th, 2022

Last night I got a back rub WHILE watching the Stanley Cup finals with him.

He makes me all mushy and stuff, which is not my usual style, reaction, or vibe.

Tonight, we're going to the pool.

Sunday, I meet his parents.

Please please please don't let my head start skipping forward to the part where we break up.

He says he'll never lie to me. As a recovering alcoholic, I find it hard to say that back because I spent so much of my life lying about all sorts of things, sometimes with no reason. And yeah, I've lied from time to time in the 17.5 years I've been sober. And I'm NOT lying about that! laugh

He really is the nicest guy ever.

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8740501
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 5:30 PM on Tuesday, June 21st, 2022

I met not only his parents, but his brother, sister, and nephew too. It went well. I brought ambrosia (anyone remember that stuff?), which everyone liked and ate lots of. Since they ate it, I guess they weren't just being polite.

I have managed to catch whatever head cold he has had for the last week. He brought us dinner last night and walked my dog for me because I was feeling crappy.

I'm somehow managing to stay in the moment. But damn, I like this guy.

Oh, and I did explain to him why I will not be able to tell him that I'll never lie to him, and he understood my explanation and was OK with it.

My brother and niece are coming to visit my mom, so my niece will be sleeping in my room. Yay! The perfect excuse to stay at his place this weekend! It's a good thing our dogs get along reasonably well.

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8741239
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 3:06 AM on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022

Interesting turn while we were bobbing around in the pool tonight. He said he was never falling in love again because it always turns out badly for him, and I said yeah, I agreed because after 55 years of trying and failing, I've pretty much given up hope. Then he said that he was failing miserably at not falling for me. I didn't know what to say, so I just kissed him. blush

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8741337
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devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 6:49 AM on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022

How do you feel about him?

Have you known him long enough to be really comfortable around him?

Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.

posts: 5138   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2014   ·   location: Central USA
id 8741353
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 1:17 AM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

I hate to admit it, but I've caught the feels for him HARD.

I've known him for a little over a month now. We talk and text daily. I probs see him IRL about 4-5 times per week. He lives about 15 minutes away, so it's no big thing for either of us to run over to see the other.

We have both remarked about our amazement at how "normal" this whole thing feels. We are starting to talk about things we want in our futures, and if they continue to align, we may be eventually talking about OUR future. But not yet.

But damn, I'm starting to slide down that slippery slope towards that thing the fortunate people call love. I just want to make sure I'm over this infatuation stage before I let myself fall.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying the hell out of this infatuation!

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8741463
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devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 1:30 PM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

A month? To me seems a bit early for the I Love Yous to come out. But then, I've an atypical growing up, so what do I know?

Remember that the dopamine and oxytocin time periods for love and last are about 1 year and three months respectively and caution yourself accordingly.

And have fun with it. laugh

Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.

posts: 5138   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2014   ·   location: Central USA
id 8741532
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 7:39 PM on Sunday, June 26th, 2022

I'm spending the weekend at his house because my brother and niece are at my house, staying with my mom. It's going well. I took a nap earlier today while he did some things around the house. He's taking a nap right now and I'm setting up my new PC. I like that we're both fine with each other doing their own thing.

We're both looking for new professional opportunities right now, and it's good that we're both in the same place with that. We each have a good opportunity in front of us right now, and we're both very excited about them. I really hope they work out for both of us, as they'll give us both more disposable income, and not all of the things we'd like to do together are free.

He asked me to go on a 10-day road trip on his bike this fall. That's pretty much the extent of our long-term planning right now. Well, other than sharing the fact that we would both like to eventually like to live in a house with 5-6 acres of land with no HOA so we can have goats and chickens. And even that was something that we both wanted individually and happen to have in common, not a plan we made together.

But damn, this feels "normal."

He's cute while he sleeps. laugh

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8742060
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deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 3:47 AM on Monday, June 27th, 2022

I’m cheering for you.

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3201   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8742104
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 10:33 PM on Friday, July 1st, 2022

Uh oh, he dropped an L bomb on me on Tuesday. Of course, it was while we were standing on opposite sides of the street as I was getting into my car and late for work. We discussed it that evening.

I told him that I needed to get further into the relationship and wait for all of the hormones to calm down before I could say that to him. I told him that my heart is crazy about him, but my head knows that my heart has a tendency to lie to me sometimes, and I wanted to be sure that when I said it, I meant it. I just need time for this get past the infatuation stage to be sure.

He had texted me during the day, between the bomb drop and the conversation, telling me that he didn't mean to freak me out. I told him all was good. I did kind of freak out for a minute there, and went back and forth between panicking and being really happy that somebody as great as he is loves me.

We've been fine since the talk. Better than fine. Great, actually. (Last night was particularly great. blush laugh )

He tells me that he keeps looking for red flags, and he's damned if he can find any. I respond with, "Just wait. I don't screw up often, but when I do, it's epic. It's coming."

He is so damn good to me, and I enjoy taking care of him. Plus, I have this habit of absent-mindedly scratching his back or rubbing his arm when we hang out together, which he really digs.

This is still the most normal relationship I've ever had. And I'm not freaking out. I keep waiting for that to happen, but he's so consistent and reassuring, that I don't know how that would happen. He told me that an ex dumped him because he called her during the day just to see how her day was going, and she said he was controlling and insecure. I don't see his calling me just to chat for a few minutes that way at all. Maybe we're not perfect, just perfect for each other.

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8743083
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 10:35 PM on Friday, July 15th, 2022

Just 5 days till the two-month mark. He's set for life. I'm not as optimistic, but he is still the nicest guy I've ever dated. I may end up keeping him. blush

I did have a minor panic attack earlier this week over being vulnerable as I open up to him. But I was straight-up with him about what I was going through, and he rolled with it very well. Then we went back to our normal being-overly-infatuated-with-each-other selves.

He's been saying for a while that he wanted to paint my toenails. OK, if that's what you're into... laugh So the other night, I prepped my tootsies, and let him have at them. Let's just say it's not his forte. But I fixed the blank spots and added a top coat after he left, so they look great. Hey, even a bad pedicure is better than none at all, and he's the first guy that's ever offered to do that for me, so I'm very grateful that he pays me that kind of attention.

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8744958
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 11:13 PM on Friday, July 15th, 2022

He just needs more practice...

posts: 1264   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8744969
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 8:48 PM on Sunday, July 17th, 2022

So happy for you!

Married for 20 years with two kids when my husband had a six month emotional and physical affair with a coworker. DD1: 6/2020 (soft evidence followed by a month of lies). DD2: 7/3/2020 (hard evidence, truth, started reconciliation journey).

posts: 190   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8745177
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 8:41 PM on Monday, July 18th, 2022

Sorry I’m a month late here but as I was reading the first post I thought that’s a hell of a whiplash. Go from ghosted to spouse in one day 😀

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH 55 WW 48 M 31 years, 4 kids 2 grown 2 grandkids

posts: 1636   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8745301
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 10:34 PM on Wednesday, July 20th, 2022

Tanner, laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh Yeah, it was a bit of a quick turn-around.

But, 5 weeks later, we're still awesome. He really is an incredible person, and we keep finding out things that are exactly the same about us. Earlier this week, he took me out to dinner to celebrate me getting the new job. He asked me what my favorite is. When I told him, he was like, "Shut up! That's MY favorite restaurant!" We do that all the time - it's weird.

Today is our two-monthiversary. I'm not usually all into stupid mushy crap like this, but he brings it out in me. blush I'm like a damn high school girl who thinks she has the best boyfriend EVER. rolleyes

I wish he'd get the Harley put back together so we could go out on it...

[This message edited by Solarchick at 10:34 PM, Wednesday, July 20th]

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8745599
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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 3:48 AM on Tuesday, July 26th, 2022

We see each other on the daily now.

Today, I made him a dozen sugar-free chocolate chip muffins. They turned out funny looking, but they taste great. He ate 3 right away. shocked

He recharged the AC in my car and brought me over his power washer to use. And that was just today. Yesterday, he helped me move an 8 x 10 rug out of my room (the victim of the power washer).

Our lives are starting to mesh.

My mom was sad when I told her he wasn't coming over for dinner tonight. laugh

Me: BW, too many times to count. 55, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Who cares? He's a dumpster fire shit show. NC since D (with cause) in 2004.D-Day: A very bad day in June 2003. Then July, August...

posts: 52   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8747221
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