I very much appreciate the input and insight you all have shared, and I believe all of you are correct, each bringing your comments from a different perspective.
Dude67: I am not insulted by what you said or meant. I understand your intent and message. Plus, I did leave out the fact my WW and I cannot D at this time. She is on the backend of breast cancer treatments. In our state, at the time of D she would have to be immediately removed from my policy, so no right-minded judge would allow a D until she is through the rough stuff, and we are almost there. Also, finances prevent us from separating. But, our last 3 (triplets) are graduating in a couple of weeks and that will change a number of factors, allowing us to pursue separation at that point. I know you did not know all this. My son did tell my WW that unless she divorced me, she would be the recipient of the same treatment I was getting, so your view of his loyalty to his mom may be spot on.
1stWife: He has changed. I do not recognize this person any more. I can say that I look at this person with -- not so much with pity, but with a broken heart.
Perhaps your dream reflects the reality of what he really is and the abuse he put on you on top of your wife's abuse.
Regarding the abuse part, I really do feel this way. I feel he is in anguish and pain and this is his way of lashing out, blaming someone for what went wrong. Regarding "what he really is", I can't say. Maybe you are right, I don't know. Maybe the legs are the remnants of what he used to be in my eyes and the torso is what he has become, again, in my eyes. But is that what he "actually" has become, I don't know. I don't want that to be true. Then again, what parent would.
Blue: My son and I have had 1 conversation regarding this matter since he cut me off. Yes, there were a few texts, but nothing substantial in them that I remember. He called me out of the blue, no warning to have this very deep, serious discussion. I was caught off-guard, to say the least, and I had to get ready for work in 20 minutes, so we didn't have much time. I am sure he thought I was just cutting him off, though I tried to reassure him that wasn't the case, even in subsequent texting. He seemed to have a good relationship with his mom up until the confession. He did tell me that at one point he simply wanted to cut himself off from the family and move on, as someone suggested here as a "fresh start". I don't think he knew of the A's; rather, I think this blind-sided him, as it did me. I think he believes he is protecting his family from "something". I was in counseling for a while, but my insurance doesn't cover it and I had to discontinue. I plan to return when I can afford it. I'm sure you can imagine the cost of raising 5 kids; well, it's worse when you have multiples!
pureheart: I believe he is in deep pain, and I believe he is ashamed of his family, especially his parents. And whom else is there to blame for this other than the parents?
Bigger: You are right -- He was disillusioned. The world he thought was real fell down like a backdrop on a stage. I know what a shock this has been for him. << me, too >> I like your idea of writing him a letter. I hope you don't sue me for plagiarism as I intend to copy some of what you said verbatim. I will then step back and wait until he has healed and is ready to talk. Thanks!
Neko: I am in agreement with you in that I think my WW has been manipulating this whole situation to her advantage. She has told me outright that she is afraid of losing the children and she doesn't want our relationship to end because she doesn't want to be left alone. This time of "percolating" has helped her gradually come to grips with our separation rather than it happening abruptly. For her, it is working out. Maybe God has decided this is what she needs, I dunno. I do intend to return to IC when the budget allows. For those who believe in the RV, this will allow me that needed freedom, both to D and return to IC.
When the D is final, the first thing I am going to do is put my phone on "Do Not Disturb" and take some time to decompress. The stress of the SA's, my son, 2 of my other children not talking to me at all, my work, finances, some of my coworkers, etc., has just been waayyyy too overwhelming for waayyyy too long. I feel like taffy being pulled from one end of the room to the other: My middle part is hair thin and drooping to the floor. And, I need a massage.