I apologise for the lack of update; work has been atrocious and my anti-anxiety meds have left me in a real down the last 2 weeks. I thought this stuff was meant to make you feel better?! 🤣 To be honest, it has just made me apathetic.
So I've had 2 sessions of IC over the last few weeks which went well. I certainly have things to work on, but nothing that warrants this mess. Have I been emotionally unavailable? Yes, sometimes; but welcome to long term marriage!? When I'm annoyed with my wife, I don't revert to making myself open to the idea of 'dating' someone else. 99% of the population don't either.
We had a combined MC session today and it didn't go well if I am being honest. She has mentioned a few times now that the 'poly' angle was a cry for help and/or to set fire to a situation she says she felt desperate in. When I speak of desperation, I don't get it. I'm an active father to our 3 kids, I work hard, I cook, I do half the cleaning, all the house maintenance, manage the finances, keep myself in athletic shape, and provide more than enough of an income. I have my faults and foibles, but I'm not a dipshit.
So we get in the session and the MC asks what I am feeling. I state that I don't feel safe. And by that I mean I have no idea of whether my wife is serious about being poly or whether it's just a cry for help for me. I state that I can't be in a marriage that lives under a non-manogymous guillotine waiting to fall any time my wife might feel aggreived. MC asks wife if she feels that even if things got better whether that would 'cancel out' the desire to have a relationship with someone else. Wife says, 'I don't know yet.' WTF. I say, 'Well this isn't something I would ever, ever be comfrtable with. I could have 'fun' with someone else - but never brook an emotional ongoing relationship outside the marriage.' Wife says, 'well we might be at an impasse.' She then went on to describe how monogamy was a traditional consruct that due to advances in feminism - she didn't want to feel trapped in. I did an abrupt wtf here and told her that it was arguable that monogamy was the norm and wasn't a patriarchal construct aimed at keeping women as chattel. I don't fucking get it. It's like this is less about our marriage and more of a gender crusade?!
I proceed to switch off and do the 100 mile stare.
It's funny though, as soon as we got out, we chatted in the carpark. I got a, 'well I have no intention of seeing someone else...but as my psychologist told me, we don't have to make a decision. We can just see how it goes.'
I don't 'want to see how it goes.' I'm 42 and I want my wife to not feel tempted to stray.
She then says, 'we still haven't talked about moving interstate' to which I replied that we had, and that my boss was already happy for me to work in the office there. Suddenly I get the, 'well look, I'm going anyway, and we need to work out whether it's worth moving the entire family logistically.' So there we have it; it appears (at least at a cursory glance) like me and the kids moving with her are going to cramp her style. I said as much and she said, 'no not at all!'
I asked her to truthfully tell me what advice her friends would give her if it was me who told her that I was unhappy, open to seeing other people, and also sketchy about her moving interstate with me for two years. Exactly.
But here's the thing, she's pleading for me to make it work and says she wants to spend her life with me. How?!
Anyway - she's all touchy feely and wants to know why I'm feeling down tonight. Is she fucking serious?!