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Newest Member: Gtacch

Just Found Out :
My Husband Confessed to me his AP is pregnant with his baby.

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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 7:02 PM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Please stop apologizing. You have not done anything so terrible that you need to be so short with yourself.

Just b/c your CH has misconstrued the situation — does not mean you should take all the blame here.

Here’s the thing - you can always choose to change your mind. If you D and you decide to R, then that’s the decision you make. If you choose to R b/c you ❤️ love him, then that’s the choice for you.

The point is no one has the answers but you. You can decide to have a romantic relationship with your H without being married to him. For years. Or ever. You can choose to have a good co-parenting relationship and nothing more. Just two people who are parents and respect each other and like each other.

Take it slow. Do not allow yourself to be pressured into anything.

I reconciled with my H. It was very much against my better judgement. But I had nothing to lose b/c I decided I was going to get everything I wanted and re-define our marriage. He either stepped up and did what was needed or we ended up D.

I am one of the lucky ones. We R and it’s been 8 years and we are happy. My H changed. Not b:c he had to but b:c he wanted to.

And that has made all the difference. It was his decision to R and change.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 7:03 PM, Sunday, May 8th]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11852   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8734232
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straightup ( member #78778) posted at 8:41 PM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Well, for a minute there I thought you were talking about your past ex and I was very worried.

Just put one foot in front of the other and do what you think is best.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
Mother Teresa

posts: 131   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2021   ·   location: Australia
id 8734241
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 8:57 PM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Don't beat yourself up.

Aside from the pregnancy, the emotional roller coaster is real. I hated my husband yet we had hysterical bonding shocked for months. I mean I raged and raged like a freaking lunatic sometimes yet needed that comfort as well. It's mind-boggling and doesn't make any sense.

We R'd but even after year 1 or 2? I wanted him out. Sometimes I couldn't stand the sight of him. So he started to look for an apartment, found one, and then I realized it wasn't what I wanted, I was suffering with PTSD and still an emotional wreck some days.

One day you will feel you can get along with him for the sake of the baby, one day you will love him, the next day you will hate him, it's very, very normal. Today's decision may not be tomorrow's decision.

Just take it one day at a time.

posts: 11506   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8734243
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 Limoncello (original poster member #79931) posted at 1:05 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

AnnB...Your correct the emotional roller coaster is REAL.
StraightUp. I should have clarified no not my 1st.Ex. I would NEVER as much be in the same room as him, he still terrifies me, even though I hear he has bettered his life. He is deeply religious now. Which is good! But,I would never feel comfortable around him.
THE1STWIFE You always give such sound advice. Thank you all.
I don't realize that I am so hard on myself. I spoke with my Ex today and I was asking him why didn't he STOP it. He said he wouldn't have. So I have to realize I have nothing to feel guilty about. I just felt it went against what I I wanted. Cutting him completely out of my life. I doubt I would let the line be crossed again. I know that he and I cannot be alone and talking about "good memories " getting caught up in the past forgetting that he is a liar and cheat. Seven months of betrayal, and a almost pregnancy.
I set clear boundaries with him today. We cant be alone, meet in public places. Etc. I blamed myself because I allowed him to stay in my home, in a guest bedroom when he was in town. I needed his help in the nursery and I was not thinking about anything going wrong as it did.
Not saying hes the bad guy, he was respectful. He wasn't trying to coerce me into sex or anything. It was just a major slip.
I will let it go. Even though he has not.

posts: 56   ·   registered: Feb. 13th, 2022   ·   location: Midwest
id 8734275
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 Limoncello (original poster member #79931) posted at 5:08 AM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

I do apologize for being too much. My situation is overwhelming.

posts: 56   ·   registered: Feb. 13th, 2022   ·   location: Midwest
id 8734482
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 10:41 AM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

You are not too much.

And this site is here to be a safe place for people impacted by the betrayal of infidelity.

I didn’t know about SI until 3 years after Dday. How I wished I found it sooner.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 6:38 PM, Tuesday, May 10th]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11852   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8734498
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Beachgirl73 ( new member #74764) posted at 5:18 PM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

Limoncello,

You are NEVER too much! I, and I imagine all others here, care about you and the journey you are on. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.

You will get through this.

((HUGS))

posts: 18   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2020
id 8734532
doh

 Limoncello (original poster member #79931) posted at 1:50 AM on Saturday, May 14th, 2022

THANK You everyone!

I do need to learn to ease up on myself a bit.

posts: 56   ·   registered: Feb. 13th, 2022   ·   location: Midwest
id 8735247
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 9:15 PM on Saturday, May 14th, 2022

Ditto to everyone else, you aren't too much.

Post as often as you need to, someone will always be here to listen.

Like 1st Wife, I didn't find SI until 2009 and my D-Day was in 2005. I did so many things right and made a few mistakes along the way, it would have been helpful to be able to express myself and also know that I wasn't alone in this journey.

How are you doing this weekend?

posts: 11506   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8735350
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