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Newest Member: KMS60087

Just Found Out :
The Lies just keep popping up

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 Faithfinder (original poster new member #79750) posted at 4:52 PM on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

I found out last night they my WH had told all some of his old coworkers. That we had already been divorced and I had been referred to for a while as his ex. It’s strange because I was introduced to a few as his wife. After he proposed to the AP (we are still married, papers just filed), AP posted to Facebook and their old workers congratulated them. I am friends with one of my WH friends, who was told that they did not know he was still married. He always referred to me as his ex. The lies and more lies. They just keep coming. Pretty sure WH said that so he didn’t look like a jerk when people found out. It’s so despicable what they get away with to make them selves look like they did nothing wrong while the BS name gets dragged through the mud.

Sorry I think I am finally hitting an anger phase. Just needed to vent.

Me: BW- 45Him: WH - 50AP-26, coworkerDday 10/3/2021Married 17 years, together 21 years
3 kids
Finally served separation papers 1/22

posts: 28   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2022
id 8708703
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 5:14 PM on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

Vent away, Faith.

Your H sounds like a dumba$$ of the highest caliber.

posts: 289   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8708706
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:38 PM on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

The anger stage is good — it can help propel you forward and helps shut down the hopium.

Your STXWH sounds like a real jerk. That’s next level shitty behavior.

(((Hugs)))

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4363   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8708715
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Western ( member #46653) posted at 7:01 PM on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

Sorry to hear this. At least papers are served and the process is underway.

Stay strong. The best to you.

BTW, please keep in mind, if he lied to you and lied to that one friend, he has probably lied to others so their congrats to him (or at least some of theirs) may be based on false pretenses so they are supporting something they probably wouldn't otherwise.

Bearlybreathing makes a great point. Nothing is wrong with anger. As long as it is used constructively and motivates you to act so that you can get out of this and keep yourself ahead of the 8 ball. Anger is not a bad thing all the time

posts: 3523   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2015   ·   location: U.S.
id 8708734
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Riverz ( member #79713) posted at 7:27 PM on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

Omgggg, FF…the stupidity is mind blowing! YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!

I’m so glad you’re angry and you’re moving on from the circus shitshow!

You are so strong, girl…SO STRONG.

BIG (((((HUGS))))) to you <3

posts: 98   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2021   ·   location: Canada
id 8708742
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 9:50 PM on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

And he thinks the truth wouldn’t become known? what a jerk!!!

He’s certainly going to have to explain to everyone WHY he cannot get married in the next few months.

Or he will become a bigamist lol !

You have every right to be angry!!!

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11155   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8708763
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Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 9:50 PM on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

That we had already been divorced and I had been referred to for a while as his ex. It’s strange because I was introduced to a few as his wife. After he proposed to the AP (we are still married, papers just filed), AP posted to Facebook and their old workers congratulated them.

Hey look at it this way. Once the actual divorce is finalized, you can message all these folks and say "Hey just wanted you to know: The real actual (not the fake one he claimed) divorce is done. Now we're really divorced. Because I divorced him."

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19

posts: 4527   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8708764
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 Faithfinder (original poster new member #79750) posted at 10:18 PM on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

Now I think she is pregnant! There is a picture of them on Facebook and she looks pregnant. It keeps getting better!

Me: BW- 45Him: WH - 50AP-26, coworkerDday 10/3/2021Married 17 years, together 21 years
3 kids
Finally served separation papers 1/22

posts: 28   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2022
id 8708769
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Aletheia ( member #79172) posted at 11:38 PM on Sunday, January 9th, 2022

I’m really sorry this is happening to you. Ya know, the reason he’s being so bold & telling these lies is he counts on you not to correct them and suffer in silence.

Your best must be just as glorious as your betrayal was destructive.

Don’t allow people to "Life is short" you to amend bad relationships. Forgiveness /= reconciliation. Leave them people where they are. Life was short when they did what they did.

posts: 226   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2021
id 8708775
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 9:41 AM on Monday, January 10th, 2022

You need to act now regarding child support. Get an attorney and file. Because she may not be married to him by the time the baby is born (if in fact she’s pregnant) if the OW files for support first, she gets X amount.

If you file second you get Y amount which is less b/c he’s already paying support (salary - X = the available amount your support is based on).

You need to protect your children. Child support + college expenses + alimony = a significant amount of his paycheck.

I’m so sorry for you - you deserve better than this.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11155   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8708823
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 3:27 PM on Monday, January 10th, 2022

I hope you realize there’s something seriously wrong with him, very seriously wrong. You don’t tell that many lies unless you are disordered in someway. It’s just not sensible. It makes no sense to walk out of a marriage and pretend you’re married to someone else without getting a divorce. I don’t know if there’s anyway to diagnose him but I suggest you start looking at personality disorders.

When someone walks away let them go
TD Jakes

posts: 3109   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8708846
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 4:47 PM on Monday, January 10th, 2022

Faith, this is very typical. They will try to find ways to save face. Often times, they will use if not the already divorced line, the (we were on our way to a divorce), or we fell out of love and were separated line. It all achieves for them the same thing, it makes it look as if they were on the up and up and they know they were not.

I would move towards divorce and if you have children, quickly file for status and orders so that you can collect child support before the other women claims rights to that. The first women in to claim support will end up with the higher payment

posts: 1230   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8708863
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 Faithfinder (original poster new member #79750) posted at 5:34 PM on Monday, January 10th, 2022

I am picking up the suit to serve him today. He just has to sign and then hopefully it will all be done before the baby is born if sh is pregnant. My friend told me the same thing about the AP filing. I hope she is not smart enough to figure that out since they are together but you never know.

He is such a liar and yes he wants to look like he did nothing wrong when I know and everyone in my circle including my WH sister knows the truth. I don’t care what his "new friends" and AP family thinks. The truth always comes out. Divorces are public information and someone can easily look to confirm. But those people don’t care.

I really hope she is not but my gut is telling me she is.

Me: BW- 45Him: WH - 50AP-26, coworkerDday 10/3/2021Married 17 years, together 21 years
3 kids
Finally served separation papers 1/22

posts: 28   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2022
id 8708869
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 11:56 PM on Monday, January 10th, 2022

It is amazing how lies become a version reality for some.

I am sorry you have to deal this this asshat.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1785   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8708958
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:51 PM on Tuesday, January 11th, 2022

What a flaming horse's patoot your STBX is.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades - Children (1 still at home)
Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBS in 2018
Cease & Desist sent spring 2021
"Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3365   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8709065
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 6:41 PM on Tuesday, January 11th, 2022

Faith, don't worry about the OW filing for support, she cannot until the baby is born. So go ahead and file first, get the D started, and get a court order for yourself and your child. Once you're on the docket first, there is nothing she can do, and she can't do shit until she has that baby.

posts: 1230   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8709086
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rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 6:47 PM on Tuesday, January 11th, 2022

Faith, dear, this is unbearable.
That's a progression that's surreal and couldn't be written to be any worse.

Know it's over for him but not for you. Cut it loose and move on.
You're just so much better than he is.

R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.

posts: 991   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Northeast US
id 8709089
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AndJustLikeThat ( new member #79715) posted at 3:03 PM on Wednesday, January 12th, 2022

Stay strong. What an a-hole. Listen to good advice you are getting here

posts: 33   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2021
id 8709243
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Western ( member #46653) posted at 7:24 PM on Wednesday, January 12th, 2022

I am assuming that AP is not married or connected ?

posts: 3523   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2015   ·   location: U.S.
id 8709322
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cbgrace1980 ( member #64109) posted at 8:11 PM on Wednesday, January 12th, 2022

You have every right to be angry with this information. It's unfair and unwanted. I'm sure he's trying to save as much face as possible to not look like a bad guy. In time you won't be as angry about this, I promise you. I've been through this and it gets better. Vent away!

posts: 143   ·   registered: Jun. 12th, 2018
id 8709340
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