You know what really sucks?
I’m feeling sad today. I was thinking how much loss results from infidelity.
Not only did I lose the husband/partner I thought I had, but I’ve lost everything that goes with having a partner that you really love.
I lost my lover, my comforter, my protector, my co-provider, my handyman, my snuggle buddy, my encourager, my travel companion, my tv buddy, and my best friend (probably more I can’t think of right now).
I was especially thinking today about the loss of him as my best friend. We had such a nice relationship...we were so comfortable with each other and enjoyed just being silly...like acting really stupid, lol. I miss that a lot.
Why did he have to go and fuck it all up and throw it all away for his disgusting lust???
I really hope I can heal sooner than later...and that I’ll find those qualities again (for real next time) in someone new.
God this hurts so much.
10 comments posted: Monday, February 14th, 2022
Is this weird??
Has anyone else felt "extra aroused" (really horny) after dday?
It’s an embarrassing question...but I just want to know if this is normal or if I’m really fucked up.
DDays were Dec 18 & Jan 20. The last time we had sex was on Dec 18...and because our relationship is over (zero chance of R), there is no chance for me to get any relief unless I take care of business on my own...sorry if that’s TMI.
It really feels so bizarre...like, I’m still in SO much traumatized pain and heartache, but I REALLY want to have sex...not with him though...he’s a lying cheating pig.
Please tell me I’m not a weirdo!!
8 comments posted: Thursday, February 10th, 2022
How will I ever be able to trust again after this?
It’s all just so shitty. Second relationship/marriage...second time betrayed.
Why is fidelity and loyalty and respect so difficult for some people?
I’m only 7 weeks since DD1 and 2 weeks since DD2...and in A LOT of suffering and trauma over his betrayal...and my mind goes a million miles an hour with thoughts about everything from the betrayal, to my future, to everything in between.
One thing that made me feel comfortable and trusting of my stbx is that he was also betrayed...but who the eff knew he was a also sex addict?? Never saw that coming.
So during the times my mind is blowing up, I think about trusting again someday...HOW??? No way.
I know it’s pointless to think about this now...but I wanted to get this out...I think when the time comes that I’m ready to get back out there, I’ll only be able to be truly comfortable and semi-trusting of a guy who’s been through hell and back with betrayal. Someone who has felt the trauma and life-shattering agony that only betrayal can give. I can’t see myself trusting anyone else...it’s just too much, too risky.
My stbx was a master liar and deceiver...I trusted him fully and he lied SO many times TO MY FACE...IN MY EYES...I will never get past that...that someone could actually do something like that to me...it has really done (and I’m still processing it all) a huge number on my very being.
CHEATERS AND LIARS SUCK.
13 comments posted: Saturday, February 5th, 2022
Reposted here...Please Help Me
HELP MEEEEE!! I’ve just been hit with DD2 and it’s killing me.
We had been talking lately…he is in therapy and figuring out his issues and he seemed VERY remorseful. He even insisted on coming to do the driveway for me after the storm we had…he drove 2.5 hours to come do it. Then we held each other and cried for quite some time. I thought maybe…just maybe we might find each other again in time.
But now it’s definitely OVER.
I felt he wasn’t telling me the whole truth from the beginning…and I was right! I told him that in order to build trust he’d have to give me access to his emails and shit…and he did.
Omg…NIGHTMARE. He originally told me that he has three "acting outs"…and that he didn’t actually have intercourse because he couldn’t get an erection…so he did other stuff with those whores.
I just found out that he’s really been living a double life…he’s been seeing one woman off of Ashley Madison for about a year…and I saw emails of them talking and talking about her losing her phone while he was as banging her from behind in the car. Then I saw a bunch of messages from Doublist…OMGGGG…he has been connecting with all kinds of people and both genders for at least three years…we’re talking everything disgusting under the sun…I want to vomit. He’s exposed me to disease all this time without the slightest care or compassion. I feel used, raped, and abused.
I’m just overwhelmed by so much. He has been telling me how he wants a life together and how hard it was on DD1 to see the look on my face…he said that look will prevent him from doing anything…but he was messaging him that fuck buddy of his right after DD1…I’m so broken…HE HAS SHATTERED MY HEART AND MY SOUL.
I don’t know who this man is. WE ARE DEFINITELY DONE. He has been deceiving and lying and playing me the fool this whole time. Even after asking him for the whole truth…he insisted that was it.
He is probably a sociopath or something fucked up.
I just can’t understand why…why did he continue to torture me??? Why didn’t he just leave me before…clearly he wasn’t happy and wanted more than I gave him.
How could he pretend to really love me all this time??? This has truly damaged me as a person. And I’m starting my healing journey all over again…I feel so broken and my heart hurts so much. Why God?!?! I’m a good person. The pain is overtaking me. The gaslighting has affecting my mind.
Help me God.
36 comments posted: Monday, January 24th, 2022
Relationship Autopsy - Is there a point?
Is there any point talking to the treacherous spouse to try to figure out what went wrong? Why they think they betrayed you?
I feel like I still need to know what went wrong. In our case, it appears (again, I don’t believe anything he says anymore) that his infidelity started with porn and then escalated to acting out three times (so he keeps saying). Regardless, he betrayed.
But before he began working out of town a lot these last few years, everything SEEMED fine. He says in the past year or two, he started feeling lonely, and I do recall him emotionally distancing himself from me...maybe that was his guilt? Or his shame?
I’m struggling so much to figure out WHY...and WHY NOW? We seemed to have such a close bond and immense love for each other.
He is going to therapy and he has been struggling with things from his past...from his childhood...dark things...probably various abuses, including sexual. He never told me much about this stuff...and he SHOULD have. He says he creates a wall to keep out the ones he loves and then he ends up hurting them.
Again, part of me doesn’t give two shits about the why because he MADE THE CONSCIOUS CHOICE TO BETRAY, LIE, DECEIVE - I’m the only one who truly ever loved him.
On the other hand, I feel like I want more info to help me heal and to learn from that I can carry with me to eventually a new relationship...I know one day after I’m healed, I hope to find a loving faithful man who is worthy of me.
What are your thought?
15 comments posted: Monday, January 17th, 2022
I Can’t Do This Again!
Sorry for the long post. Just over 15 years ago, I found out that my first husband, the love of my life, with whom we had three beautiful children, and to whom I was married for almost 20 years, betrayed me. He had an emotional and then sexual relationship with his first cousin. My lawyer later said it was barely legal. He destroyed me completely. I was with him since I was 16 years old. He was the only man I’d ever loved and ever been with. He traumatized me beyond words...too many details to go into now. I barely survived that trauma...I even thought about suicide, just to stop the immense heartache...but my children kept me alive. My husband was was not very loving towards me...and I never felt we were very close...he was often mean and cruel. After his betrayal, I knew in my heart I could never trust him again. It was the worst time of my life, but I eventually survived it. We separated and then divorced.
Around the time of my separation, I met a man who also had experienced the trauma of betrayal. We began to spend time together talking and sharing our pain, and eventually it led to romance. It was like a dream. He treated me like a queen, so loving, so kind, so passionate...I had never been treated that way before. We had a bond, which eventually led to a long term relationship, which lasted 15 years.
On Saturday, December 18, we decided to go away for the night to spend quality time together. We were so happy. We had been apart a lot because of his work, but I trusted him. We often discussed trust and he fervently assured and made me believe that he would never betray me. He actually said things like "I would never do anything to risk losing you". He would tell me about the guys at work cheating on their wives and how disgusted he was. How the guys would screw escorts at their hotels and go to strip clubs, but he would never do that! We had many, MANY conversations about betrayal and he always told me that I too better never betray him.
Well, I find myself once again a fool to have trusted a man who said he loved and respected me. At the hotel, I saw a picture of a woman’s body and I questioned him. He denied everything...then I demanded to see his phone and found disgusting pictures and videos of himself in sexual acts. He claimed those were for me. Then I searched his phone further to find deleted texts to escorts asking what they do and how much...and with the whores responses. I WAS DEVASTATED. I also saw a text to a man with a photo of my husband’s dick and him commenting about having oral sex with this guy’s wife. HE DENIED EVERYTHING.
I had my son come and pick me up...I did not feel safe driving home with this pig I did not know. I AM UTTERLY BROKEN BY THIS. He finally admitted to some things...but I don’t believe anything he says anymore. This man has destroyed me...how could he do this to me???? He KNEW how much I suffered because of the first betrayal...how could he do this to me?? He is a monster. And we are finished.
I am so devastated and traumatized. We were going to grow old together. We were planning our future. He was so loving to me...he told me many times and made me feel like I was the only one for him. His deception and betrayal have abused me to the core of my soul. He told me we were soulmates. How the eff do you do this to your soulmate???? He’s a LIAR. And I feel so used...he slept with me after screwing those whores without telling me...without giving me a choice! I’m still waiting on my STI results.
Thank you for listening. I am seeing a therapist and my family doctor is very supportive. I just feel so alone...and I miss the loving faithful husband I thought I had. My heart and soul are completely broken.
137 comments posted: Wednesday, January 12th, 2022