You don't say, and I don't want to assume, but it sounds like you are a man and your WW is now in a lesbian relationship? Just wanted to make sure I understood for clarity, although most of the same advice would apply if you were a woman in a marriage with another woman. Regardless, when a spouse goes rogue, they go rogue.
From the timeline you've provided it looks like the last time she texted you was nearly two weeks ago, telling you she wanted a divorce and not to contact her?
Well, frankly, she's deep in limerence.
Sisoon, a regular poster here, is a betrayed husband whose wife had a same-sex affair, if I'm not mistaken. He may be able to give you his insight.
From my standpoint, I would say she has done a harsher, yet somewhat similar version of what my WW did to me. I did a "soft confront" with phone records in the midst of my WW's affair. In fact, my WW confronted me angrily demanding to know why I had downloaded her phone records. At that point, all I had in my possession were the logs showing the calls and texts, not the actual texts. She accused me of trying to ruin the "one adult male friendship" she'd had because of my overbearing jealousy.
When I responded by shakily and tearily asking for an explanation for all of the constant phone calls and texts between her and another man (a friend of mine) my WW convinced me I had falsely accused her (I felt horribly guilty) and then she invoked an in-home separation that very day. I was devastated and I began researching about my own supposed paranoia, and about divorce.
I researched divorce because I felt with her separation from me that my WW wanted one for what I (thought) I had done.
I also at that time researched something called "the 180" which I began implementing immediately. I did this -- again -- because I thought we were heading for divorce and I needed to detach.
I was on the verge of making an appointment with a divorce attorney when after nearly two weeks of this (around the time of my birthday and Thanksgiving five years ago) my WW suddenly stopped the separation and cozied up to me. This was merely gaslighting at its finest, but I didn't know that at the time.
Anyway, long-winded way of getting around to:
1. In my opinion, you should make an appointment with a good divorce attorney as soon as humanly possible, get a packet and start initiating divorce proceedings.
Don't delay. Don't moon about hoping she will come around.
Ironically, that is actually the only way you might be able to salvage this. Your wife is deep in the limerence fog, she's probably convinced this is the love of her life (and it isn't), and she's not going to listen to reason. A divorce filing will make it real, and it needs to be real.
This isn't a gambit or game on your part. You need to do it for real and prepare yourself for the possibility that it WILL be real.
2. Under the advice of your attorney, begin appropriately separating your finances, redirecting your paycheck to a new bank account and so on. You don't to support her infidelity lifestyle with your money.
3. As others have said, protect yourself from now on with a VAR in your pocket.
This is just impulsive, not well thought out. She's never even mentioned any homosexual tendencies before and to me it just sounds like a midlife crisis.
You are probably correct, and it's very unfortunate and painful. Midlife crises are incredibly destructive. The person having the crisis often experiences severe regret when they wake up with a hangover. Which does nothing to repair the damage they've done, by the way.
I say this as clearly as I can: That CANNOT be your problem any longer. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
If in fact your wife is bi-sexual, that does nothing to ameliorate her decision to cheat on you. The fact of her sexuality doesn't excuse cruelty, disregard, toxic lies and so on. Separate the two so you can clearly see what is going on here.
[This message edited by Thumos at 11:20 PM, Wednesday, January 5th]