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Newest Member: Seekinghelptoo

New Beginnings :
Indescribably Good

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 Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 5:02 AM on Monday, December 6th, 2021

I can not even begin to describe how good it feels to wake up every day free of abuse.

I am a survivor.

I have good friends.

Contrary to what my wh told me, it is simply very far from the truth that no one would ever "want me"...

I am healing from the Lyme disease (less antibodies and fewer positive bands).

My pain and tension levels are lower than I can ever remember them being.

I wake up not feeling drained.

I now think of my wh as so tainted and disgustingly defiled I would not take him back much less be intimate with him if he was the last man on earth. He repulses me. That is a good thing because he is not safe for me at any speed.

I have had a change of mind. I now view very few decisions as one way streets. That is very freeing and should serve me well. For that reason, I deeply regret not leaving and filing for divorce immediately the first time I found out he was lying much less cheating. I had my reasons. But I could have reversed course and stopped the divorce if he had chosen to stop lying, do the work, and become a safe partner.

I am no longer a schmuck.

There are moments of joy and beauty.

I survived infidelity.

posts: 827   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8702769
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devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 7:35 AM on Monday, December 6th, 2021

Congratulations, that's great!

Me: 2xBS b 1962
xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.

posts: 5109   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2014   ·   location: Central USA
id 8702770
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taken4granted ( member #61971) posted at 4:55 PM on Monday, December 6th, 2021

I love this post and couldn’t agree more. It’s so peaceful now.

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
Me: Living life! Him: Not my problem anymore
Married 15 yrs.
1 LTA, Many EAs from 2009 - ?
Dday 1 = 6/16/17
Last Dday = 1/4/18
Started loving myself 2018!

posts: 348   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2017   ·   location: OH
id 8702795
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 Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 1:46 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021

So true taken. So true!

posts: 827   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8702859
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:01 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021

***APPLAUSE***

Well done!!

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4374   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8702861
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Repossessed ( member #79544) posted at 2:09 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021

I deeply regret not leaving and filing for divorce immediately the first time I found out he was lying much less cheating. I had my reasons. But I could have reversed course and stopped the divorce if he had chosen to stop lying, do the work, and become a safe partner.

I am no longer a schmuck.

Exactly... Its the same conclusion that I've come to. I get "one size does not fit all," but I truly believe the conclusion you and I have come to for ourselves would best serve most Betrayeds.

Here to keep myself mindful that I don't always see what actually is. I certainly didn't when I married her.

posts: 124   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2021   ·   location: Chicagoland
id 8702862
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 Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 3:09 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021

I think the ability to see what truly is, Repossessed, came way too late for me. But I am there now.

If I had been willing to accept what he was showing me, then it would not have been a stretch to reconcile the dissadence between that and who I thought he was for decades.

Of course he might have been able to change if he wanted to. But nothing I could, would, or should do will ever change him. In the words of Stevie Nicks, "you can't fix this".

That's not to say that no wayward is able to change. I am sure they can. But not the guy I married who years after I caught him and years after I filed for divorce still blames me for him cheating with randoms.

nope. Not buying that anymore!

A friend of mine says this about him..."Good luck buddy". Meaning that doing the kind of things my wh chose is probably gonna not turn out all rainbows and unicorns.

[This message edited by Shehawk at 3:16 AM, Tuesday, December 7th]

posts: 827   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8702871
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Repossessed ( member #79544) posted at 3:41 AM on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021

nope. Not buying that anymore!

A-freaking-men

Here to keep myself mindful that I don't always see what actually is. I certainly didn't when I married her.

posts: 124   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2021   ·   location: Chicagoland
id 8702875
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iwantamiracle ( member #22812) posted at 1:25 AM on Wednesday, January 26th, 2022

I am 13 years past my D-day, and 5 years past my divorce. And the sense of peace i have is wonderful. Biggest lesson, all things come to pass and at some point you will find that you have you back, its not the same you, an evolved you. I will never ever put up with what i put up with again, i deserve better!!

Life goes on!!

i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

and i keep on steppin!!!

posts: 6060   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2009   ·   location: looking for my rainbow
id 8711821
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:50 PM on Wednesday, January 26th, 2022

I wouldn't trade the calm and peace I have now for anything. I am so happy for you!

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8103   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8712010
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