Sunday was my niece's (by marriage) Sweet 16 party, which featured a lot of WW's family. Two of her sisters, their kids and her brother and her mom. I wanted a pure day to see them to remember them. I pulled her sister away to talk to her, and she knew about the 2006 one. I told her I was going to split with WW, and she just yelled out in anguish. "Did she do it again?!" Yeah, she tried really hard to get with someone in 2016. I didn't get into the details. She said I have to leave WW, it's not healthy. Party was over around 6PM.
Sunday night I texted my wife to meet me in our theater room for to talk. I built that room a few years ago, but we don't talk in it much. I had a copy of the divorce papers in a folder along with my script. I tried to be as disconnected and factual as possible, I told her exactly what I wanted to say as above. She absolutely positively had zero idea this was going to happen. At first, she refused it, said she won't sign for it in the mail. I told her she had to and she needed a lawyer. If she didn't sign it an LEO serves her, and she does not want that. She still said she wouldn't sign. I then said she'd get a default judgement and she REALLY does not want that.
Lots of crying by both of us. Going through how hard this is going to be. Her begging. Pleading. Me saying I understand, but I can't.
WW felt we should tell 24yo daughter the next night, but she came down to check on us, and we just spilled with exactly what I was going to say above. She refused to believe it, cussed us out, played slam the doors, and went to her room. Texted us later she was going to play video games with a friend online. I told her that was a good way to get through this at this time.
I left for a bit to talk to her sister to soften the blow to my niece. I wanted to tell my niece so she knew the truth. Sister also had no idea. She was shocked, and in an unhappy marriage herself. She asked if I could talk to niece the following night.
Came home, WW and I cried a lot together. Emotions are just high. I know it's not the accepted way, I know. I don't want her to suffer, even after all I have been through. I wanted it to work and I practically killed myself to do it.
She's still staying in the house for now, but she is going to her mother's tomorrow night and start apartment shopping.
Yesterday I tried to work but one of my bosses got one look at me on a teleconference and told me to stop for the day, I was not in any shape to work. WW stayed home and we talked a lot about how things are going to change. How it's going to be hard. She made an appointment with an individual counselor. I told her she really has to work on herself to fix these things, I tried, and tried, but I couldn't force her to fix herself with therapy, she'd always quit and tell me to "not think about it." I told her that is what screwed us up. She knows, and she is facing consequences.
Talked to daughter, and gave her all of the details, only obscuring the absolute facts of the texts and messages. She didn't know anything about them. She wants to stay with me.
Visited my niece and told her. I held her hand just because I was afraid I'd never see her again, she would hate me, etc. She was shellshocked. I told her I was sorry and that I felt guilty. She said she still felt I was her uncle. I hoped so. I feel like shit about all of this.
WW looked at apartments and just couldn't. They are cold and empty, but it's also the reality. Of course, I feel bad for her, but I cannot fix it.
So here we are today, still sad. Both of us. Knowing it must happen, and I cannot put the genie back in the bottle any more than she can "take the affairs back." They happened; this is happening. It must. She will get papers delivered to her tomorrow or Thursday.
[This message edited by lumpygravy at 7:48 PM, Tuesday, November 30th]