My nephew, who is living in one of our houses and working for my husband, has an issue with alcohol and maybe drugs.
This situation is triggering so many infidelity-related issues. I'm feeling a loss of control over my life, sad, confused, hopeless, and not even sure I know the truth about the situation. I've tried for days to make this post to ask for help, but I am struggling to express my thoughts and feelings. I'm not even certain what type of help to ask for right now.
My husband and I own a handful of houses in the area. The idea is to fully remodel them and rent them out for un-earned income. The houses and our financial portfolio will allow us to back away from our jobs.
Last fall, my husband spoke to my nephew who is in his early 20s, living at home, and working landscaping jobs to ask if he would like to come down to our area and work on the houses. He offered to let him live in one of the houses, expenses paid, and we would pay him for the work. We know this nephew well. He declined, but my other nephew who was temporarily living with my brother and SIL said that he would like to do it. We don't know this nephew, early 30s, well. His father, my other brother, divorced when his son was young. Still, we agreed.
Our nephew has been living in our house, about 5 doors down from us, for over a year. After he came, one of my brothers told me he was a good worker if you can keep him off the bottle. My SIL called and told me several things, including that my nephew drank too much when he lived with them.
Within the first month, my nephew got very drunk at our house one night. I'm talking falling down drunk where I was worried for his safety and not sure he could even walk home. My husband spoke to him after and told him that it was unacceptable. My nephew hasn't done it since. My nephew started to spend time daily with his nextdoor neighbors, often drinking at their house. They became close friends. We had lived in that house previously, and we know the nextdoor neighbors well.
On and off, the neighbor has told me she's worried about my nephew. She's mentioned drinking, but she also tells me things that seem like additional drama where she wants me to get in the middle, and I find it inappropriate. For example, she mentioned my nephew is not showering every day, and that he was doing laundry at their house because the washing machine in our house was broken. When she told me, I said my nephew is an adult in his 30s and capable of talking to us about the washing machine himself. Also, she should tell him if she didn't want him doing laundry there. She would tell me things like, "Oh. You don't even know half of what is going on there." Her drama would piss me off, and I would ignore it.
I don't fully trust my neighbor. I believe I caught her lying to me about a year ago. She told me something that my husband told her I said about her. It wasn't something I said. I repeated what she said immediately and asked her if my husband said that to her. She backed off and said, "Well, maybe something like that. I can't remember." I asked my husband who claims he didn't say it. I believe him.
In the past year, things have been going ok with my nephew and the work according to my husband. It's not always great, but it has been helpful and worth it. Again, my nephew has all expenses paid including gas for his car and a phone. He's welcome anytime for dinner or to go through our fridge and cupboards for breakfast/lunch. He gets paid cash weekly.
About a week ago, my neighbor said that my nephew wasn't welcome at their house anymore. She said he had been drinking their liquor during the day, even when they weren't home. He is working on our house next door or the one down the street. My husband isn't always there, but he has another person working on the houses too.
One of the first things my husband told my nephew when he came here is that he could not drink or smoke pot, at all, while he was working because it's too dangerous for him and everyone else around him. When my husband heard about the day drinking from my neighbor, he spoke to my nephew and told him that he knew he was drinking during the day and it was unacceptable. That was last Thursday. On Friday, the other person working on the houses for my husband told him that they need to talk. He said my nephew was drinking during the day, among other things. He gave him proof, definitively, that my nephew had been drinking that Friday, the day after my husband and nephew talked.
My husband and I decided to take the weekend to decide what to do. On Saturday, my neighbor told me that my nephew had brought home crystal meth last month when he went to visit his mother. I don't know what to believe. My neighbors clearly want my nephew gone. However, they have encouraged this whole thing up until last week. But really, that's not my problem or an area of focus for me. My neighbor also has me so confused and doubting myself. She asked if I was sure that we originally made it clear to my nephew that he weren't going to support him and give him somewhere to live forever. She said that was his expectation. Ugh. Really?
On Monday morning, my husband and I talked with my nephew. We are giving him one more chance. We bought a portable breathalyzer over the weekend and told him it was a condition of continuing to work, and that he wasn't welcome to stay if he wasn't working. We also told him there was a zero tolerance for any drugs in the house other than a small amount of marijuana for personal use. We told him previously, and again, that if anything gets around our son he is immediately gone.
I asked my husband last night how its going with our nephew. He said our nephew told him he's hurt that we would think he's a "dope fiend" or something similar. Our nephew said that he had worked hard to get off drugs years ago. Some time in the past year he had mentioned this to us. My husband told me today that my nephew is "taking the day", so not working.
I don't know what to think. Some one is lying. I feel so helpless and confused. I hate this. I know that if my nephew is an alcoholic or drug addict, this situation is incredibly enabling and bad for him. The only experience I have with a similar situation is my nephew's father, my brother. The two are so similar in personality and charm. They both know how to say what you want to hear. I enabled that situation about 20-25 years ago, and I've always regretted how I handled it.
If anyone has any advice or insight, I'd appreciate it.