I'm so sorry you are struggling with affair season.
One thing I'm aware of is that there are so many of us struggling with our A seasons...and how they clash with the upcoming holidays (clear through Christmas and New Years--and with some birthdays and/or anniversaries thrown in for good measure).
Yet it brings me comfort to know that I'm not alone on my struggles. So many other SI posters and lurkers are struggling right along with me and we lift each other up. I'm SO thankful for that.
I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing, and that helps me stay in the moment and in each day and not look too far ahead to dread triggers that might be coming--because dreading them isn't going to stop them or resolve them. When I have to focus to stay in the moment, I guess that's me practicing intentional mindfulness.
So, I look for the joy I can absorb in my day and for the ways I can care for myself when I'm triggered or struggling...and the ways I can remember to care for myself when I'm not struggling so much. Because, dang, it's easy to forget to care for yourself!
In a post above, sisoon says:
I gotta remind myself - and I'll remind readers - that being betrayed is traumatic, and trauma doesn't get forgotten. And I'll include this: a trigger is pain coming to the surface to be released.
It's important to embrace our triggers and let ourselves feel those emotions. If we suppress them, we stuff them...and they come out in other weird (and often more destructive) ways.
I love the image of a trigger as a bubble--as sisoon says "coming to the surface to be released." To be released. That's important. Feel it...and let it go.
I've tried to see acknowledging my sad days and the emotional shock of a trigger as part of my self care.
But you also bring up another struggle that I think many/most of us wrestle with: knowing we likely don't really know it ALL.
It’s also not knowing exactly when they started seeing each other in person. There was a 3 week discrepancy between their two accounts. It still feels unresolved for me, but there’s literally no way to do anything about it. It makes me want to put on my detective hat all over again, which would only provide me with the same results, while reopening all kinds of wounds.
This is how I try to make mental peace with that struggle: I just assume worst case scenario. If I'm unsure of the truth or the details of what happened, I just assume it's the worst. Then I decide, if it's the worst, can I live with that as my reality in the story of my WS's affair(s)? I proceed from there. This worst case scenario idea becomes how I think of and "remember" the A.
So, if your WS's in-person A was three weeks longer, can you live with that? Can you accept that as the story and the timeline?