Hey RW, no stop sign so I wanted to provide perspective from one betrayed husband. Not many 2x4's in this, but just a reality check.
As others have noted, you're only 12 weeks out. That's a blink of an eye. By contrast, an 8-week affair (2 months) is not a blink of an eye. It's a lifetime. You spent two months making countless decisions to deceive, betray, lie and more.
Have you written a timeline of the affair, a true and detailed accounting in your own hand, omitting nothing?
Have you offered to take a polygraph on your own?
Have you taken a full STD panel to assure your husband you didn't expose him to life-threatening disease?
Have you gone completely no contact with your affair partner, no ifs, ands or buts?
Does the other betrayed spouse/girlfriend know so that she has autonomy and agency about her own future?
Are you yourself attending individual counseling with a betrayal trauma specialist who will hold your feet to the fire?
Is your husband seeing an IC?
The optimistic take of 2-5 years for a betrayed spouse's brain to heal from the horrific damage of betrayal trauma (which is now being recognized by professionals as having more physical health risks than other types of trauma) is a little too chipper in my opinion. 2 years is rare.
5 years seems more common, and even then we see betrayed spouses showing up here 10, 20, 40 years later filled with self-recrimination and regret that they stayed with a cheating spouse. So I think realistically you're going to need to buckle up for a minimum of 3 years before your husband even feels relatively normal.
You should be prepared for your betrayed husband to decide he'd like a divorce, even five years out (in fact, it's increasingly said that successful reconciliation attempts sharply diminish after the 5-year mark because betrayed spouses tend to think more clearly after this time period)
And that's if YOU do everything "right," stop playing any mind games, stop minimizing, stop blameshifting, stop any limerence for your AP, stop expecting your BH to deliver you affection after your toxic betrayal, are totally and completely transparent with him about everything, and undergo a process of true and authentic metanoia on your own.
Your BH hasn't experienced real anger yet, most likely. He may just now be getting inklings of the oft-crippling rage a betrayed spouse experiences. He hasn't experienced the plain of lethal flatness yet, and you haven't yet experienced being a wayward spouse watching the person you betrayed go through this torture.
I urge you to read How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair. Pay special attention to what the author calls "the detain and torture" option that far too many wayward spouses default to in terms of doing the necessary work.
I urge you to read "Things Every WS Needs to Know" posted at the top of this forum. Read both of these several times to let them really sink in. Believe every single word of what is said. Believe it. Absorb it. Don't ignore it, don't think you can breeze your way through this.
I'm reminded of that scene in Empire Strikes Back when Luke tries to bluff Yoda and tell him he isn't afraid. The previously happy elf turns deadly serious and his gaze becomes frightening. "You will be," he says. "You will be."
I think you also need to think carefully about what it's like to be a betrayed husband. Read a lot. Avoid the adultery apologists like Esther Perel. Avoid anything that smacks of "female empowerment" of the Eat, Pray, Love variety.
You have emasculated him, or at least that is how he sees it. Think about what happens to a man or woman when the integrity of their identity as a man or woman is attacked in such a vicious way.
You haven't said whether you confessed or were caught -- and that matters a whole hell of a lot, I can tell you.
The relationship has been permanently altered. The marriage you had is gone. No, really. Literally gone. You're not getting that back. You might - MIGHT - get a new marriage with this man. Maybe. But it will be a completely new thing, and it will always have the shadow of your actions looming behind it in the background. There will always be scars, and scars hurt.
This statement of "seemingly no reason (other than 1,000 of my OWN reasons)" seems to simultaneously lack self-awareness and creeps perilously close to blameshifting onto your husband. If the "1,000 of my OWN reasons" includes your retroactive rewriting of the history of your marriage, some sort of animus or resentment directed at your husband (even if you tell yourself or tell him "it wasn't about him"), or any combination of these, then I'm afraid this reflects continued wayward thinking on your part.
"I am doing it ALL" - what does this mean? I sense a tone of exasperation that you've just busted your ass the past 12 weeks (you like to talk in terms of weeks I notice) and your betrayed husband doesn't seem to be expressing appreciation for your efforts. You're going to have to bust your ass for a lot longer than 12 weeks.
Hysterical bonding will fade, and then, yes, you will be left in a situation where your husband might well be much less affectionate for a good long while. Years, perhaps. He might be willing to give you a peck on the lips now because he's in shock and because you are subtly pressuring him.
What are you prepared to do when the HB fades, and his affections are diminished on a more permanent basis?
Hoping for the best for your husband -- and for you.
EDIT TO ADD: Have you gotten rid of any mementos, gifts, letters, or other tangible physical reminders of the affair, and let your husband know about these? Did the betrayal happen in your own home? Were there times you had sex with your AP and your BH in the same day or within a close time period? (you don't have to answer this last one; just something for you to think about). I could ask a lot more questions, but these are the kinds of questions you need to be asking yourself. The long-term impact of betrayal and an infidelity attack on a betrayed spouse is ramified, and it has a geometric exponential progression. Infidelity is like a universal acid that tends to eat through everything between spouses who previously had a faithful covenant.
[This message edited by Thumos at 4:17 PM, Tuesday, October 5th]