Today is 2 years from Dday, things are going well, triggers and mind movies are definitely decreasing. My anger is almost gone, I still have moments. 2 years ago we had a couple months of false R with TT but when she cleared the fog she has been solid for 21 months, not perfect, but a solid remorseful W working hard on herself.
A few days ago a Facebook (2 year) memory came up and it was a picture of my WW and I out on a date. Knowing the timeline, it was after she had spent time at APs house having sex that day. We have our arms around each other with smiles on our faces.
I looked at the guy smiling in the picture and felt so upset with him, I called that guy many names, pathetic, joke, head up his ass, etc. I didn’t like the guy in the picture. I was pissed at him.
He’s not the same guy I see in the mirror, I gave up the shame and self blame when I reclaimed my self esteem about a year ago. I’m so proud of the man in the mirror. He’s confident, doesn’t take any shit, doesn’t have her on a pedestal, he’s in better shape, and has an awesome beard. 😀
So I’ve thought about this for a few days, I asked myself, is this how I feel about other BSs? Would I call those names to others in his shoes? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! Its not his fault. That guy in the picture was scammed, lied to, conned. betrayed. He believed, and had faith in the WW in the picture.
On this journey triggers are coming my way, I am at the point where working on processing, and learning from them. I can look at that guy in the picture and know, he has made it sooo far, he’s going to be great no matter what. He’s not plan B (she is free to leave anytime). He’s not letting infidelity take one more thing from him.
I am not healed, but taking control of these triggers has been a huge step. Instead of an anger response I want to learn from them, analyze, over think, and maybe start retraining my lizard brain.
Here’s to 2 years from the worst thing to ever happen in my life. Thank you members of SI, WS and BS. I wish none of us were here but so thankful we had a place to go. Best Wishes everyone.
[This message edited by Tanner at 9:40 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]