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Today is 2 years from Dday, things are going well, triggers and mind movies are definitely decreasing. My anger is almost gone, I still have moments. 2 years ago we had a couple months of false R with TT but when she cleared the fog she has been solid for 21 months, not perfect, but a solid remorseful W working hard on herself.

A few days ago a Facebook (2 year) memory came up and it was a picture of my WW and I out on a date. Knowing the timeline, it was after she had spent time at APs house having sex that day. We have our arms around each other with smiles on our faces.

I looked at the guy smiling in the picture and felt so upset with him, I called that guy many names, pathetic, joke, head up his ass, etc. I didn’t like the guy in the picture. I was pissed at him.

He’s not the same guy I see in the mirror, I gave up the shame and self blame when I reclaimed my self esteem about a year ago. I’m so proud of the man in the mirror. He’s confident, doesn’t take any shit, doesn’t have her on a pedestal, he’s in better shape, and has an awesome beard. 😀

So I’ve thought about this for a few days, I asked myself, is this how I feel about other BSs? Would I call those names to others in his shoes? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! Its not his fault. That guy in the picture was scammed, lied to, conned. betrayed. He believed, and had faith in the WW in the picture.

On this journey triggers are coming my way, I am at the point where working on processing, and learning from them. I can look at that guy in the picture and know, he has made it sooo far, he’s going to be great no matter what. He’s not plan B (she is free to leave anytime). He’s not letting infidelity take one more thing from him.

I am not healed, but taking control of these triggers has been a huge step. Instead of an anger response I want to learn from them, analyze, over think, and maybe start retraining my lizard brain.

Here’s to 2 years from the worst thing to ever happen in my life. Thank you members of SI, WS and BS. I wish none of us were here but so thankful we had a place to go. Best Wishes everyone.

[This message edited by Tanner at 9:40 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

I get where you're coming from.
I remember sitting in the basement 4 years ago, having a beer with my brother inlaw. I was thinking to myself, " this poor guy doesn't know his wife is cheating on him." 2 months later I find an undeleted message on my wifes messenger and learn my wife has been cheating on me too.
I also have had fb memories pop up and know that I thought things were great and my wife was happy. Little did I know she was banging some other dude. I guess it shows us, even if you've spent more than 30 years with a person, you still don't know who the hell they are.
Glad you seem to be getting through this mess.
When those memories pop up, think about how strong that clueless guy in the picture is. One day we will find the other side.

I guess it shows us, even if you've spent more than 30 years with a person, you still don't know who the hell they are

I think that is what causes the most pain, anxiety snd PTSD. Being betrayed by someone you love and trusted who sleeps in the same bed with you.

You are doing great, Tanner!

Time keeps marching on, and thus so are we!
Each passing day further removes us from the worst days of our lives, while simultaneously bringing us closer to healing.

I personally hid all the FB memories from during the A. I don’t know if that makes me a coward, but I don’t want to see them. A season has just begun for me, but I’m not as anxious about it as I was this time last year. I’ll take that as a small victory.

Proud of you!

Congratulations on surviving infidelity for another year Coozann !!!

It's all about perspective Cuz...and your perspective throughout all of this has been truly a sight to see!! I admire it so much !!

ENJOY your life...and that awesome beard !!!

Great update Tanner!

You are in a better spot than I was at 2-years for sure.

I think most of my bounce back, the return of the swagger was that third year.

I looked at the guy smiling in the picture and felt so upset with him, ...

I know this feeling all too well. In a LOT of pictures over many years.

But you're right.

The guy in the photo is just someone who loved his wife and family.

That's a good dude right there.

I was still tackling anger at this point too.

I found if I hit it head on, figured out what specific trigger got me fired up (usually it was when my wife was still building those important boundaries any safe spouse has to have) or some social reference about infidelity not being a big deal. SI is unique I think as one of the first places to recognize, there was nothing we could do keep our spouses faithful. They had to make a whole bunch of calculated choices to get there.

Anyway, I hope your recovery continues and you be your badass self!

Thanks for sharing.

I think you're recovering well, and I'm happy for you.

Thank you all for the replies, you have all played a part in where we are today. One thing that just occurred to me is the roller coaster is flattening out and the steps backwards are much less.

I just want to say thank you to Tanner. It was really nice reading this and gives me a lot of hope.

It was really nice reading this and gives me a lot of hope.

Particle

You are right were I was a year ago. At 18 months I felt the anger and baggage was weighing me down. I actually was afraid to let go of it because I do not want to rug sweep anything. I worked on that and letting go of some of weight was refreshing. Best Wishes Brother, you will be great no matter what.

One thing that just occurred to me is the roller coaster is flattening out and the steps backwards are much less.

I'm at about 2.5 years now, and that is where I'm at too. I don't feel good about things, but life is certainly more stable than it felt for a long time. Glad you are improving!

Wonderful post, Tanner. I actually felt the pain again that you do. It's such a long, long journey out of infidelity. Keep working.