Then I would tell her her response is insufficient. That it doesn’t feel that she wants you, and you deserve someone who only loves you as you love her, and not two men.
But you need to find your backbone.
I do agree with one thing she say though, but not for the same reason. I would stop talking to her about it. It’s getting you no where.
I’m sorry I know it’s impossibly hard. But you’ve said your piece. Now stop talking. Only discuss kids and their needs and finances. Give one word answers to everything else. Focus on the children. Spend time with them. Make them happy.
If she asks why you’re being cold tell her she’s made it clear that she can’t say I’m the only man for her and do everything necessary to rebuild this relationship with only you in her heart, so you are going to do what you need to do to protect it.
In the meantime tell her you’re doing what she is asking for. You’re stopping the talk every day.
She is asking you to stop talking about it. So I’d respond like this…
It’s clear my words don’t move you. Your minimalist response to what I honestly tried to put into words shows me you’re not all in with me.
I’ve realized you simply want to rug sweep what you did and make me swallow it dry. I see I’m alone in having to heal from this hurt. And I’ll move on accordingly.
I realize now I’ve been trying to pull out of you what I need. But if you’re not feeling it there is nothing I can do to make it happen. So you’ll either drive this recovery or you won’t. I can’t make you do it.
I will never heal if we can’t discuss what happened. But only you can initiate those conversations and have them mean something to me.
So I’m done talking about it. I’m sure you’re relieved.
You’ve never given me the truth in 3 months so why would I explain expect it now. You’ve never shown me emotion that you desperately care how you hurt me.
I don’t need a partner who is only here out of a sense of duty. You broke me and won’t do the things you need to do to help me put things together again.
This is breaking my heart. But I don’t sense it’s breaking yours. "
Ugh I know it’s really hard. I know how paralyzed you must feel. Believe me thousands here have been where you have been.
But that response was so cold.
So I recommend today, if you don’t have one, find your own IC. One that specializes in emotional trauma. You need that support. Sorry I can’t remember if you have it. Seriously get it set up.
The next step will be to call lawyers. Not to file right now but just to understand what it will look like if you do part ways.
Finally remind me, have you talked to the APs ex wife? Not saying you should just yet, but you need ally’s here and she could be one. For now, just let us know if you’ve ever talked to her or not.
My friend, you have a choice. In either case you will need to stop constantly talk to her about it. The first case is approaching it as I described above.
The second is to accept what she is offering. Rug sweeping. Only talking about it during MC once every week or two and swallowing your pride to stay with her in between. Fake happiness. Can you do that? I know I couldn’t but many men are more stoic than me.
I need a true loving partnership where we each have the others back and no one else’s.
So while again I know that it’s impossibly hard, I recommend simply stating what you need, and then do the difficult part of moving on til you see, hear and feel it.
[This message edited by Stevesn at 1:34 PM, Wednesday, August 25th]