Newest Member: Qashess

General :
Accusations of Cheating

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 Felix12306 (original poster member #78827) posted at 1:10 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Did any betrayed spouse go through their spouse thinking they were going to have a revenge affair? And wayward spouses Did you ever go through thinking your spouse was going to have a revenge affair? I think my husband is starting to have these accusations. Not so bluntly saying them but he's asking me questions that's hinting to that's why he's thinking. I just don't even know what to do anymore. I feel so completely lost and like we will never be able to start reconciliation. I don't know why he can't see that I'm not like him. I would leave the relationship before ever even thing of cheating.

BS Together for 15 years, married for 10. Dd 1/28/21 after a 44-day affair, only last week of affair was physical but just found that out on 6/18/21.

posts: 113   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2021
id 8681381
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 1:59 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Gently, your last sentence is showing you don't quite understand cheating still.

Cheating is not a symptom of a bad relationship. The alternative isn't leaving.

Cheating is a symptom of selfish thinking. The alternative is being empathetic to your partner.

Devotion is a choice that makes a relationship strong. Not a symptom of a good relationship.

[This message edited by This0is0Fine at 8:00 PM, August 4th (Wednesday)]

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1346   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8681394
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AllIam ( new member #79188) posted at 3:21 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Mine has mentioned it several times. He can be jealous at times. I've never given him a reason to think I'd be unfaithful. Perhaps he thinks everyone else is like he was. Maybe he just can't comprehend faithfulness. I don't know, but its really frustrating for me.

This way of thinking is selfish. It's taking the focus away from his failures, and making it sound like you're someone that you're not.

Of course you have every reason to look elsewhere. You're, angry, damaged, and insecure. The validation that the betrayed is still beautiful and wanted would feel nice. Like you though, I'd leave him before I'd cheat.

posts: 25   ·   registered: Jul. 28th, 2021
id 8681414
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 4:16 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

My W has never made an accusation. She has become very clingy and possessive.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 727   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8681421
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 6:08 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

My ex used to accuse me of cheating on her all the time. I think it was an attempt to both switch the betrayal focus from her to me and on some weird equivalency scale mitigate her actions.

Of course like some many other things she was mistaken.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8681429
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squid ( member #57624) posted at 11:36 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

IMO this is just classic wayward thinking and simple projection.

He's trying to bring you down to his level. He's looking for another justification to cheat. We all know there is no justification.

I don't know your full story, but he doesn't sound like he's R material. He's being manipulative and gaslighting.

You should be reverting back to the hard 180. If he starts up with this line of thinking again tell him you're not interested in anything he has to say unless it's about how HE is going to try and fix your marriage. PERIOD. Then walk away.

BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18

This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

posts: 2582   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Central Florida
id 8681440
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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 11:58 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

My ex dumped me and told me she was leaving me for the AP. I entered into a rebound relationship very quickly, more or less by happenstance. My Dday was Dec. 7. My first time sleeping with the new woman was December 17. My ex and I were still living in the same house until about February. It took a while to work out the logistics of separating our lives and finances. During that time, she slept in her son's room on a small twin bed; I stayed in our BR on our large king bed. I often brought my new GF around and slept with her in that room, on that bed. The new GF was 10 years younger and strikingly beautiful. It did feel good in a way to be able to flaunt this in front of my ex.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8681444
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Apparition ( member #75755) posted at 10:15 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Not before. Now that we’re separated she mentions the possibility of me seeing someone every time we talk. I’m in no head space to be open with a woman. My confidants are all male friends and clergy. But waywards can’t imagine thinking or feeling. any other way than they do, this is why they find empathy such a challenge.

Me: BH
Her: WW (expert serial cheater)
Status: Divorcing

posts: 220   ·   registered: Oct. 28th, 2020
id 8681622
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