I'm honestly greatful for it all, in hindsight.
It was really hard for me. It's hard for all of us.
I went NC for a while, but eventually broke that.
I spent about a year writing a lot about how I feel, reading more than I had been (but still less than I'd have liked). I feel I confronted my family on some issues that have been plaguing me. I became aware of my own shortcomings and problems that need addressing.
Once I stopped focusing on what was done to me, and what I can do for myself everything really changed. I don't hold any anger over the betrayal anymore. It is what it is.
During the pregnancy (OMs child) I was really torn over an abortion or not. At the very early stages I was offering it as a choice, but not pushing it. Since they're normal here. But traditionally I've always seen myself as pro life. That whole situation really tested my own morals and I feel I failed that test at the time.
I'm good friends with my ex now. I don't hold any anger or resentment for her. The relationship we have is a new one. She now has a daughter that I absolutely adore. Having met this child I feel has helped reaffirm my values and remind me what compromising them may have cost.
I'm very happy these days. I sometimes get the pangs of loneliness. I think women still affect me more than I'd like but I'm aware of it.
I've learned so much. I understand a new type of pain and have a deeper sense of empathy and sympathy. My values are stronger. I'm a better person in some ways, and working on others. Ultimately it was a small price to pay for such good change in my life.
I recently came across this section in the book Meditations.
“So other people hurt me? That's their problem. Their character and actions are not mine. What is done is ordained to me by nature, what I do by my own.”
Being human makes it hard not to be affected by what others do. But this thought brings comfort. Ultimately they will have to live with the ghosts of their choices, and we ours.
I don't know how I'll react to a betrayal in the future, but I'd like to think I'll be able to just say “ok” and walk away, with a minimal amount of heart break. Those actions are stains on their soul, not mine.