First of all I regret that you are going through this great pain of being cheated on by your wife,
The first thing you should do is not try to justify their actions, due to some mental illness, secondly, nothing of their actions is your fault, these are personal decisions
You know you are making a big mistake, by not putting yourself in your place and allowing her to keep in touch, with her AP, you are sweeping under the rug, and you are allowing her to treat you like a doormat, it is literally her ,
Your actions allow her to continue in her adventure and do nothing to solve it, threatens you and tells you that you will have consequences, if you communicate with him, and you go back, she knows that whatever she does, you will forgive her, because you love her and you do not want to lose her, and in the end, your actions take her further away from you, if you do not act, with character and put yourself in your husband's place, this will never end,
You must, act indifferent with her, try to talk as little as possible, sleep in another room, go out with friends, and talk to a lawyer, if in the end you are losing her, she prefers, to be with other men than with you,
Try to see if the AP from her. He is married, communicate with him, and really, one can love his wife a lot, but you cannot get to the limit of losing all kinds of values and dignity, you are a good man, and a good husband, do not continue to allow the abuse of your wife I know it's painful at first, but you're not worth going through this
Place a VAR in her car, with GPS, and you will begin to discover what kind of woman is your wife, I insist that it is painful, but you have the right to know the whole truth.
Remember, practice 180, in its entirety, and if he loves you, he will be afraid of losing you, do not continue to act, as you are doing, until now, you have to act with more character and determination, without threats, with tangible facts, I trust, in which you will have better results.