Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Just Found Out :
Wife sending nudes to co-worker

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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 12:33 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

Well I did find 2 emails, no responses from him. One of those was also an email with a photo of a hand written calendar. And the weekend I was out of town in June clearly there. Not what I was doing. Not the event I was at…or location.

Just “out of town”.

*sigh*

posts: 80   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8673690
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 12:37 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

You can damn well be sure that since you WW left, she is on a call right now with the OM warning him that you know. My WW did this too. They protect their affair partners over their husbands, that shit is very very hard to get over. She has basically abandoned you, and she has the OM's back now.

Let that sink in for a second. She is protecting him over you. Make no mistake, she left for her sisters, but that only means she will continue to communicate and meet up with the OM. They're probably strategizing on how to lie to everyone. Keep the evidence that you have, and make a copy to have it kept at a friend, or your parents house, or at your work. YOu want that proof if they choose to lie about it going forward.

I would demand that you WW tell you who and exactly what was done. If she lies about how it is, you know you have very little to work with. Like I said, if she is on his side, protecting him, you don't have a marriage. JUst a worthless piece of paper and a wife whose now more interested in being with and protecting another man over her own husband.

posts: 1149   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8673692
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 12:47 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

So it seems like she might be having multiple APs? There's a strong possibility that both were physical, they even patterned their calendar after yours.

posts: 378   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8673696
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 12:49 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

To clarify I found the emails to the guy she admitted “sexting”. No evidence towards the second guy but it certainly stinks

posts: 80   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8673698
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Justaguy61 ( new member #75431) posted at 12:54 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

The odds that she has been having a physical are extremely high from kissing to PIV and whatever else. If you haven't already just accept that and accept that you can't believe anything she says. No kids, limited encumbrances... no trust, history of lying and cheating. Some relationships have much to loose and the wayward is extremely crushed by their behavior and are willing to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to heal. Yours does not sound like one of those relationships. Sorry. Keep us posted.

posts: 50   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2020
id 8673700
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BlueRaspberry ( member #76065) posted at 12:59 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

Maxwell354,

You should definitely expose this affair to the OBS. If she has a separate Facebook account, that might be the easiest route. You can provide the screenshot and explain your wife's confession. Let her know you aren't sure about the extent of the affair but thought she should be aware of what your wife has told you. If the OBS investigates, she may be able to provide you with additional information. Your wife is probably already on the phone to the OM, so the OBS should be prepared for a cover story...

posts: 219   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8673701
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 1:06 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

I'm so sorry.

Do not share this site with her.

Also, his wife is the OBS..other betrayed spouses.

Your wife is your WW..wayward wife..and she is also the OW in this situation.

[This message edited by HellFire at 7:07 PM, July 8th (Thursday)]

posts: 3706   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8673706
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 1:12 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

I'm very sorry you are in this mess. A polygraph is a must. From the information you have provided, it is possible your wife has been in a physical affair with someone at work. While polygraphs are not 100% reliable they can cause a "parking lot" confession by the WS. That, in itself, is valuable.

Your wife does not sound terribly apologetic, let alone remorseful. So far you have nothing to work with. I would approach her again tomorrow with a list of things she must do including a detailed timeline, whether there has been physical intimacy with anyone at work, a resignation of her position, and a written explanation to her supervisor for the basis of her resignation. A phone number to the home of the OM. Also, you are to have access to all her electronic devices and passwords. Demand that she hand over her phone, take it to an expert and see if that person can do a recovery program to recapture deleted texts and emails. Others will be along to provide additional requirements she must fulfill.

I would also tell her that you will see a lawyer if she refuses to resign. If she says she won't resign or drags her feet, see a lawyer and file.

You have a short marriage with no children. It doesn't sound like it is a great marriage and your WW is not terribly interested in working to salvage it. Unless she wakes up, move on. Also, I would not let her off the hook as to whether there is a PA. A polygraph is a must for reconciliation to take place.

posts: 417   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8673707
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AnOminousMan ( member #79091) posted at 1:19 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

I would approach her again tomorrow with a list of things she must do including a detailed timeline, whether there has been physical intimacy with anyone at work, a resignation of her position, and a written explanation to her supervisor for the basis of her resignation.

Based on what I've read I wouldn't approach her at all. If she's not begging you to come home and make this relationship work, don't bother. She's not even a candidate for R yet. Take this time to go NC and work on yourself. Figure out what is best for you.

If you love me, you will keep my commandments. (John 14:15)
My story doesn't really matter. I had it way easier than most.
The only thing that matters is can you stare into the mirror and like what you see.

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8673710
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 1:20 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

Thanks for all the support everyone.

I've decided to hold on informing OBS until my emotions calm down. I know this is at least his 3rd wife, so big surprise from that side of the exchange. While I agree she should know, it also opens me up to a messy involvement, especially if she directs her anger towards me. All that is currently beyond my emotional limit.

posts: 80   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8673711
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 1:20 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

*accidental duplicate post*

[This message edited by Maxwell354 at 7:21 PM, July 8th (Thursday)]

posts: 80   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8673712
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AnOminousMan ( member #79091) posted at 1:26 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

I've decided to hold on informing OBS until my emotions calm down. I know this is at least his 3rd wife, so big surprise from that side of the exchange. While I agree she should know, it also opens me up to a messy involvement, especially if she directs her anger towards me. All that is currently beyond my emotional limit.

I'm very sorry this is happening to you. You just took the hit today. Is there anyone you can stay with or go see? Being alone at this time is probably not ideal.

If you love me, you will keep my commandments. (John 14:15)
My story doesn't really matter. I had it way easier than most.
The only thing that matters is can you stare into the mirror and like what you see.

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8673713
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fareast ( member #61555) posted at 1:27 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

Maxwell:

Hang in there. Try and eat. Stay away from alcohol. If you have a close friend or family member to confide in, do so. Be good to yourself. You will get through this okay.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 2797   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8673715
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longsadstory1952 ( member #29048) posted at 1:32 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

Another option is to call om and tell him that your wife has identified him as her affair partner and that he has 30 minutes to send back all communications of any kind to your email or your next call will be to his wife. You will know in seconds if it’s the right guy.

She and he are probably getting their stories worked out now, so don’t delay.

posts: 1060   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2010
id 8673716
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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 1:46 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

Well I did find 2 emails, no responses from him. One of those was also an email with a photo of a hand written calendar. And the weekend I was out of town in June clearly there. Not what I was doing. Not the event I was at…or location.

Just “out of town”.

Sorry. This was a planned meetup..

Tip of the iceberg like most are unfortunately .

posts: 6623   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8673721
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 2:06 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

What is their work relationship? One of them superior to the other?

Most companies don’t really “delete” mail. It’s still there on the server.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 9858   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8673723
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 Maxwell354 (original poster member #79092) posted at 2:18 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

"What is their work relationship? One of them superior to the other?

Most companies don’t really “delete” mail. It’s still there on the server."

It's an auto sales business. He is sales and she is administrative, but was previously sales. The emails are yahoo and gmail. I have access to her yahoo for now. But who knows how long and where else messages were sent. Especially now that she knows I know.

I sent a yahoo deleted email recovery request but per their site it's good for only the last 7 days.

posts: 80   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2021
id 8673725
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 2:21 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

Change the password on her yahoo account, so she can't lock you out.

posts: 3706   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8673726
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MickeyBill2016 ( member #56459) posted at 2:35 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

If you can see her Gmail account take a look at it. You need to delete Gmail from a few places, it keeps things in different places. She may have deleted things but they still probably will be there in the "all" folder.

9 years married.
13 years divorced.

posts: 1176   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2016   ·   location: West of the 405 North of the Mexican border
id 8673730
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ShutterHappy ( member #64318) posted at 3:39 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

Well you know the email this was sent to. Save that information. I assume it’s not affair-partner-name at gmail but something mangled.

If you contact the OBS, tell the truth, what you do know.

Something along the lines “my WW has been having an A and it COULD be with your H, here’s the email address of her AP; I can share all I know if you wish”.

As for your WW, she’s not R material at this point in time. So start by talking to a lawyer, and take 1/2 the money from any joint account.

Make sure you take care of yourself, seek support from friends and family

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1438   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8673746
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