Most of you want me to divorce immediately but I have a list of reasons not to do it YET
We don't "want" it. Considering the events you've been through and the thousands of events we've encountered here, we think D is for the best. And I don't think anyone has expressed an opinion that this should happen "immediately". But seeing a lawyer and learning about your legal options is something you should do immediately.
1. Yes, I would divorce immediately if not for our son. She has been a better parent to him than I have been.
Define "better parent".
Feeding him well? Or is it to ensure that he grows up in a loving, happy family?
Or to fuck with someone other than his father while he was still in the womb? (Btw, You should definitely take the paternity test.)
Will divorce prevent her from being a good parent? If her A didn't prevent it, her divorce wouldn't either. There's no point to stay married to her. On the contrary, growing up in a family full of infidelity, insecurity and lovelessness will be negative for his psychology.
2. The hurt that I feel is unimaginable. But seeing her reaction when she saw me hurting, is it possible that she is feeling more pain than I am? The massiveness of the amount of tears (and snot, etc.) seems ridiculously impossible. I wouldn't have believed it if I've not seen it. It seems like I haven't seen her face not wet with tears since dday a month ago.
No, it is not possible.
It is impossible for someone who cheated on you from the very beginning of your relationship to feel more pain for you than you for yourself. She suffers for herself. Tears are not a measure of pain. At least for crocodile characters.
You believe she is suffering because you saw her tears. I don't want to cause mind movies, but you can't compare since you didn't see how she fucked her AP. Do you think that over the years, over and over, while rejecting you and fucking him, she was doing it unintentionally and painfully?
I don't remember writing the truth so harshly to anyone before, but you should stop deceiving yourself and start seeing things as they are.
In this small town, that would have been a death sentence for her and AP. The AP especially would have lost most of his career prospects.
Let her say whoever she wants and ruin AP's career. Both must face the consequences of this A.
But during our medical school, with all the extreme stress we were going through, and me becoming distant because of the course load, she became depressed. It was the right timing when AP tried chatying her, telling her how he has changed, and apologizing to her. She turned him down but continued to chat. Eventually, the AP began telling her how she has changed into the "best person possible", and the rest is history. During this time, I was struggling academically and didnt pay much attention to her.
You're a doctor too, right? I don't know your branch, but I'm sure you have knowledge; is it recommended to cheat on your spouse to cope with stress?
She was the person who should have understood you best at that time.
I know I may seem to all of you as weak, but I am trying my best to keep the house together. I have a 1 year old son who needs me.
No, you don't look weak, but you are very confused and not thinking clearly right now. This is also very normal, maybe you can't do the right thing right now, but you shouldn't go wrong either. We are here to warn you.
Keeping the house together may not be the best option for you and your son. He deserves a happy father to be happy, and that's hard to do in that house.
WS has been begging me to quit my job so we could work our marriage out.
The problem wasn't your job or hers. I couldn't understand why she quit her job and why she asked you to quit your job too. You were neither married nor working when she started cheating. What does this have to do with her infidelity?She's the only one who needs fixing here.
2019 - we got married and got pregnant shortly after. We decided to save ourselves and didnt have sex until after the wedding
Wait, am I getting it wrong, you haven't had sex since you started dating until the wedding?
And needless to say, she was having sex with AP during this time.
So you almost had sex just to make a baby. Because you said you were often rejected afterwards.
In the future, if your son came to you one day and told that he had experienced the same things, what would you suggest to him?
Why would you do this to yourself and your son?
[This message edited by guvensiz at 2:14 PM, July 5th (Monday)]