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Serious medical complication, advice needed

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

WhoTheBleep posted 5/25/2021 18:31 PM

Phoenix, your tumor story cracked me up. Sorry you ran into him, but your response was classic!

Bigger,, all excellent points. Coincidentally, I left my lawyer's office a little while ago where I just confirmed that stbx indeed has a trust set up for the kids. I glanced over it and it looks like he thought of everything. I'm quite relieved on that front.

He is considered disabled and has Medicare. As I mentioned, this cancer will most likely be considered work related (think 9/11). He should be covered on all medical fronts.

Chili hey lady! I'm definitely detached. All good there.

By the way, breaking gray rock to wish him well had exactly the result I anticipated. He fired back that my words are meaningless and went on to a lengthy rant about heaven and hell and God and Satan. Then he attached a Bible passage 🤦🤦🤦. Exactly as I predicted. I still think I did the right thing. Mehh...

messyleslie posted 5/26/2021 09:07 AM

Definitely check with your attorney but I know in some states an estate has to fulfil the child support and spousal support judgments. So if someone passed who was paying CS and SS and left their entire estate to a different family member, before it was all transferred the courts would send the ex spouse a large check from the estate. Or maybe the executor would have to do it? Regardless you would be entitled for your full payment.

barcher144 posted 5/26/2021 13:46 PM

By the way, breaking gray rock to wish him well had exactly the result I anticipated. He fired back that my words are meaningless and went on to a lengthy rant about heaven and hell and God and Satan. Then he attached a Bible passage 🤦🤦🤦. Exactly as I predicted. I still think I did the right thing. Mehh...

I agree that you did the right thing. It's certainly fine to wish someone well as long as you mean it.

That said, going back to grey rock-hood immediately after his response is totally appropriate too.

Again, thinking of you and wishing you well (there's no need to respond with a lengthy rant about heaven, hell, God and/or Satan, either. )

WhoTheBleep posted 5/26/2021 15:32 PM

Again, thinking of you and wishing you well (there's no need to respond with a lengthy rant about heaven, hell, God and/or Satan, either. )

Don't worry, barcher, you're safe from my wrath.

HalfTime2017 posted 5/26/2021 16:17 PM

I think your lawyer would be the best resource here on this topic. He would be able to advise on whether to try and get the D done ASAP, or to drag it out in hopes that you retain all of the marital assets after your xH dies. I'm not sure if he has the ability prior to the divorce finalization to change the beneficiary to his sister, I don't think that would fly here in my state, but again, your attorney is the correct person to ask.

Shehawk posted 5/26/2021 17:28 PM

Oh Bleep. So sorry on multiple fronts. Not the least of which is as a mom who sends virtual hugs to your children.

He fired back that my words are meaningless and went on to a lengthy rant about heaven and hell and God and Satan. Then he attached a Bible passage

Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the 🌊🌊

Thanks for the grey rock 🪨🪨 reminder.

The stuff that falls out of a cheaters' mouth. Wow! Sorry about this too.

WhoTheBleep posted 6/10/2021 08:12 AM

I still have no detailed information on stbx's diagnosis or prognosis. However, oldest DD12 said that he was especially moody two days ago, and that his sister called yesterday morning, crying, asking if he was okay. He gave DD an explanation that made no sense. DD is very bright, and called bullshit. She thinks he got more bad news regarding his illness. I sat down last night and had a talk with DD to give her a chance to express her concerns and just talk it out. I realized there wasn't really much to say because neither of us has much information, and there's no point in worrying her unnecessarily. I'm becoming a bit irked that stbx won't even talk to her about it. Her brother and sister don't know. They are younger. I'm the only one there for her, and I know nothing.

I've done some research, and I also confirmed that he has a trust. My lawyer has been kept up to speed. If I end up raising my kids alone, I am confident I will be in good financial shape. Better than I am now anyway.

This is probably going to become a vent thread. This whole situation just feels so surreal. The timing of this... Our divorce is set to wrap up by the end of this summer. There are very important court dates coming up in the next few weeks. This is the home stretch. I'm hemorrhaging money... My lawyer has enlisted co-counsel. She is very knowledgeable in family law and my particular situation.

Oddly, I feel quite peaceful inside, knowing that it will be over soon, and that I will know what my future is going to look like. If things don't go my way, I'm going to take a huge financial hit. If they do go my way, it will be like a windfall. I'm facing two extremes, and I have no idea which way it will go. I trust my attorneys. I choose confidence. It's important to me to stand up for myself and fight.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:25 AM, June 10th (Thursday)]

Chili posted 6/10/2021 11:01 AM


Your last post was like a manifesto of your healing and hard work. You have reached the place I would gather any of us wandering around on this earth hope to find. One where you say, "I can do this." Sometimes even when "this" isn't clearly defined.

None of us is safe from having the rug pulled out from underneath us again in all kinds of ways and your last post just oozes courage and strength.

Advocating for yourself, doing the right thing, allowing those feeling things a healthy place, and continuing to move forward on your own journey. Awfully good stuff right there.

I do hope you vent - this is the perfect place to get out all those random things you'll undoubtedly feel.

Oh and PS: I still have that metaphorical D/S forum cold one on ice for you. Looking forward to popping a top when the legal bit finally reaches a conclusion.

[This message edited by Chili at 11:04 AM, June 10th (Thursday)]

jadedangel posted 6/10/2021 11:26 AM


Is your daughter in IC? I can't remember if you ever said if the children had one or not.

Small t/j:

My EXWH passed from a MI when my son was in kindergarten. The school was great that they had a counselor that he could talk to during school hours but I also found a therapist for him.

As crappy as your soon to be ex is I will give him props for having the kids taken care of with the trust fund.

My EX was supposed to have an insurance policy in place but he did not do it. It would have been pointless to enforce it as my EX never seemed to have it together during and after our divorce.

I'm sorry that there are a lot of unknowns right now but somehow I just believe that it will work out for you and the children in the end.

WhoTheBleep posted 6/10/2021 11:42 AM

Chili, sometimes it feels like you are just hovering around waiting for me to post, so that you can be the first to send me support. Thank you as always. This peace I feel is certainly the result of years of work and therapy. I'm not the person I was 6 years ago. I'm so much a better Bleep.

Jadeangel, only my middle child is in therapy as she has been struggling with anxiety. Dd12 was in ic a couple of years ago. I'll ask her if she would like to go back. My little guy is only six, and seems to be doing great.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 11:43 AM, June 10th (Thursday)]

Chili posted 6/10/2021 12:11 PM

it feels like you are just hovering around waiting for me to post

Uh oh...that sounds like I'm creeping you.

WhoTheBleep posted 6/10/2021 12:21 PM

Uh oh...that sounds like I'm creeping you.

Not at all! I'm so grateful! I feel like it's the universe just putting you in the right place at the right time 😁. Lucky me!

Karmafan posted 6/10/2021 17:50 PM

You are a class act WhoTheBleep! Your STBXWH, on the other hand, is being totally irresponsible. By not disclosing the full details of his illness, hes making it hard for you to not just plan for the future, but also prepare the kids, and manage their expectations, in case the worst were to happen

WhoTheBleep posted 6/10/2021 19:14 PM

Karma, yes. I want to be able to talk to them. I realize there is no foolproof way to prepare for things like this, the worst for example, but at least we could all start a dialogue. And the kids can ask questions and voice their feelings and begin to process what is happening. I know he is undergoing some kind of therapy, so if his his physical appearance changes, the little ones, especially, might be frightened.

Then again, as my signature indicates below, I could be pondering all of this for nothing.

Mehhh....anything is possible.

grubs posted 6/10/2021 23:03 PM

Don't forget about social security. My wife actually cried at her meeting to set up the SS death benefits for her son. DS receives at least 4x what her ex was paying in support when it was being paid. We didn't really need it as we were getting by with nothing for years, but it did relieve some stress.

WhoTheBleep posted 6/11/2021 06:26 AM

Grubs, thank you for bringing that up. That is actually the specific research I did. Stbx is currently receiving SSDI, all work-related, as are our children as his dependents. If he passes, apparently I will receive mother's benefits. Both stbx and I have been paying into SS since we were teenagers. I'm so grateful for any help we might receive.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 6:44 AM, June 11th (Friday)]

jadedangel posted 6/11/2021 18:09 PM

apparently I will receive mother's benefits

When I had to deal with SS to get my son's benefits started, I was told that I did not qualify because I made too much money. I think it was around $14,XXX (sorry don't remember the exact dollar amount).

Also, if he was military, there could be benefits there.

WhoTheBleep posted 6/11/2021 20:25 PM

Jade, on what planet is $14,000 a year too much money? Ahh, the feds.... not much I can do at this moment. This isn't even an issue...until it is. This is me just rolling my thoughts around. I'm a planner.

jadedangel posted 6/12/2021 12:11 PM

I wasn't clear, I made over 14,XXX...that was the cut off. So, if I had that amount or less then I was okay.

I was a charge nurse then so yeah I made over the cut off amount.

Sorry about not being clear. I tend to do that when typing.

WhoTheBleep posted 6/12/2021 13:07 PM

Jade, I knew exactly what you meant. My point was, I don't know anyone who can survive raising kids on $14,000 a year. to qualify for any kind of benefits with that as the cut off. I make a decent living. I may get nothing as well.

Googling, and actually talking to a live person and asking are two different things. I only googled, lol.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 1:14 PM, June 12th (Saturday)]

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