SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

"So you really are going through with this?" Then "I don't want a divorce! Please!:"

I would imagine that you didn't want your wife banging some other guy, maybe you forgot the word please....

Well I got word she was served. So that is done. Now I wait to see what she makes of the proposals.

And for those who say I should kick her out, this is a community property state and she is 50% owner. I cannot legally kick her out of our house.

She thinks it can be "we deciding" w.r.t. to the church but not for infidelity? And I can't believe they tried to involve your son like that.

TWO,

Cheering you on!

TWO, brother. She is awake now to the reality of her actions. Daddy and Mum can’t persuade you by brow beating you with the threatening of their religious beliefs. Actions that she has taken, now the accountability and responsibility for them now fall on her shoulders.

I can offer nothing but respect ✊ to you. Remember this about your recovery and journey through this shit fight that has been placed in your lap.

Be calm, breath, exercise, eat well, drink water, then repeat. Get to a safe place mentally.

She moved out, you didn’t ask her to go, just further signs of abandonment of her responsibilities.

One day at a time.

Hi OP.

What a shit show that showdown was.

You know, you've had 15 years since her first affair to prepare for that clash with she and her parents. No way they were going to take away your resolve.

Well done.

And kudos to your son. Shame on your wife and parents putting him through that phone call. He's never going to forget that call.

[This message edited by SnowToArmPits at 3:07 PM, May 24th (Monday)]

And for those who say I should kick her out, this is a community property state and she is 50% owner. I cannot legally kick her out of our house.

Yes, follow carefully your attorney's direction regarding community assets and her residency rights. Don't cut off credit cards, debit cards, disturb her personal property or block her from entering the residence, no matter who's name is on the deed, without consulting your attorney first. Some people will split all community bank accounts and credit cards down the middle and secure their half in a personal separate account. I would consult your attorney on how to properly do this and how to legally secure your half of the family coffers.

She went through the denial phase, the bargaining phase and will soon start the anger phase. The family will circle the wagons in an effort to protect their family reputation and honor. If they sense you will threaten her/their reputation and honor they may strike out legally and/or attempt to poison the well of public opinion against you and your claims. Try to avoid anything unnecessarily antagonistic. As soon as possible avoid all direct contact with everyone from that side of the family. No more interventions. Only the lawyers speak to each other. It's all business from here on out. Try and maintain a humane attitude. Family court judges don't tolerate any semblance of bullying-especially from men. Play the regretful injured party, not the aggressor.

I.e: "I'm very sorry it has lead this but, these many betrayals have left me with no other choice. I must protect myself from further harm".

NOT: "My wife cheated and I'm glad"

We know what you mean and totally get it. The uninitiated will see this as something else.

If I remember correctly you had the ability to see some of her communications. You stopped a couple of months ago because you knew all you needed to know. If you still have that ability you may want to resume monitoring. That way you may find out useful information about her plans for the divorce.

^^^^^ excellent idea. You need all the advantage you can get.

Your wife has erroneously mistaken your compliance 15 years ago as her having "control" over you and the situation. She assumed it would be a matter of time and pressure from the church to bring you around a second time.

You have already seen a bit of her narcissistic rage trying to force her way into your office space. She has also attempted to deploy her allies/flying monkeys against you. Expect more meddling from 3rd parties. She will attempt to smear your reputation. False charges of violence and abuse likely won't be far behind.

As others have advised keep a VAR with you at all times. Refuse to meet with her in person unless you have a witness in your favor with you - your lawyer and meeting at his office would be best. Txt and email communication only - easy to document. Voice calls only for an emergency concerning your son.

Consider prepping your nuclear option/exposure should you require it. Have all your documented evidence of her affair compiled, printed and assembled in a binder. Actually make several of these. Keep one for yourself, leave one with your lawyer and save a few for strategic dispersal.

Best to first consult with your lawyer and see what precautions and strategies he recommends. He previously has given you sound advice and precautions to take.

Expect your situation to get much worse and prepare accordingly. You have already endured the preview. She will begin to act out more and more as she comes to the realization she has few if any options to coerce you.

Stay safe.

if you still have that ability you may want to resume monitoring. That way you may find out useful information about her plans for the divorce.

Nope. Even the states that allow recording without permission take a dim view of intercepting client attorney communication. He has what he needs. He just needs to weather out the storm.

I suspect she'll be back in the house this week if not tonight.

If I remember correctly you had the ability to see some of her communications. You stopped a couple of months ago because you knew all you needed to know. If you still have that ability you may want to resume monitoring. That way you may find out useful information about her plans for the divorce.

This approach could get you in trouble. If you intercepted communication between her and her attorney, legal trouble.

You have learned what you needed to make a decision to D. What she does or says now is no longer of concern to you. She is free to do, say or see whatever/whomever she wishes. You have cut her loose.

All the best to you, and get that VAR and keep it on you always!

You've done great mate.

loads of good advice on here for you but my thoughts are

1/ do what lawyer says-it's why you've got one

2/ VAR safe rather than sorry

3/ alimony etc-if your due it take it

I would caution you against the above advice, as tempting as that may be. Now that the D papers are served, I would respect her privacy especially attorney-client privacy. I would continue to record-document all communications between you two but, I would not surveil her especially any divorce related communications between her and her lawyer or friends and family.

Yet another undesirable but necessary "milestone". I look forward to the report on her realizing that she will be paying YOU alimony!

Michigan

If I remember correctly you had the ability to see some of her communications. You stopped a couple of months ago because you knew all you needed to know. If you still have that ability you may want to resume monitoring. That way you may find out useful information about her plans for the divorce.

No I am not doing any more of that. I hired a P.I. to get me all I need to prove to myself and my wife and her family that I was not crazy. I have the evidence in several flash drives that are in a secure place. All it will take is a threat from one of her family and several people may find a flash drive sent to them via courier. But that is my ace in the hole.

No, I'm done with the sleuthing and running around.

[This message edited by TheWrongOne at 4:02 PM, May 24th (Monday)]

I'm starting to get calls and texts from several people at church. I guess the cat is out of the bag. They know I've stepped down and that my wife and I are divorcing, but not why. I just tell them it is irreconcilable differences.

"But you seemed so happy!"

So I tell them "Looks are deceiving."

I prefer I didn’t like her boyfriend but that’s just me 😂🤣😂

[This message edited by Marz at 4:10 PM, May 24th (Monday)]

She should read up on this guy.....

I sent her a text telling her to be outside her office in her parking lot at 12:30 today so the process server could come give her the petition. She texted back "So you really are going through with this?" Then "I don't want a divorce! Please!:"

You monster! She said please. For the love of God, man!

I'm starting to get calls and texts from several people at church. I guess the cat is out of the bag. They know I've stepped down and that my wife and I are divorcing, but not why. I just tell them it is irreconcilable differences.

The primary difference being... you don't want to have a third person in your marriage. I know, that's largely rhetorical. Here's to this thing blowing over and becoming yesterday's news at some point. Just don't bet it wont come after a bit of a slog. The well meaning people calling you are likely fishing for gossip (and those of the harmless ones). Points for being vague. Keep that up. At some point, some group from your church is going to repeat the ambush you experienced 14 years ago. Don't let them in your house. I had the same shit happen to me.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 4:15 PM, May 24th (Monday)]

I saw this post a while back this…… “I like my wife the way I like my coffee. Without another man’s penis in it.”

See what the church people think about that explanation.

Just kidding. You’re doing fine with the gray rock thing.