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WH getting served on Friday

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DanielJK posted 4/16/2021 08:48 AM

Thinking about you today...

InPurgatory posted 4/16/2021 11:15 AM

I'm out of the house safely. I have no idea if the process server has been there or not. I haven't heard anything.

I'm just waiting, and in the meantime I can't focus on anything.

homewrecked2011 posted 4/16/2021 11:54 AM

You can call your atty to see if he’s been served, as I believe they are notified right away. In my state, once they are served the atty is notified bc any big transfers of $$$ have to be included in the D settlement-or offset with items. Basically, once he’s served, the eyes of the court are on him.

You are doing great!!!! Block him out of your mind, don’t speak to him at all, and lean on SI peeps for support!

Your new great life begins with the step you took today!


BearlyBreathing posted 4/16/2021 13:47 PM

Hang in there— hope it is going okay.
Big step and very scary, but you can do this!

InPurgatory posted 4/16/2021 14:10 PM

I just got the call that he's been served. I guess we'll see what happens next.

homewrecked2011 posted 4/16/2021 15:56 PM

Hopefully you can stay away for a few days.
Honestly, getting the legal world involved shut my WH down. He quit harassing us, bc he wanted to look good in front of the judge and his atty!! B4 I had him served, I had to call the police on him regularly.

steadychevy posted 4/16/2021 17:37 PM

Thinking of you. As you've indicated, you are at a safe place. I hope so. As tough as it might seem, try to get a good night sleep. The process has started.

InPurgatory posted 4/16/2021 22:17 PM

I'm in a safe place for the night, but I still feel anxious. I have heard nothing from WH and that actually makes me even more nervous.

homewrecked2011 posted 4/16/2021 22:41 PM

When I had my ws served, about a day later he texted me, “wow, I didn’t know I was such a bad person”. WTF? He set me up to be friends with a woman he was already screwing!!!!

Anyway, hopefully serving him will stop the bully in his tracks, and take the wind out of his sails.

HellFire posted 4/18/2021 17:52 PM

Can you check in,please? I'm rather alarmed that we haven't heard from you since Friday,the day he was served.

I'm worried about you.

InPurgatory posted 4/18/2021 18:58 PM

Thank you for your concern. I spent the weekend in a hotel with limited internet access. I'm back home now.

I didn't hear anything from him for the first 24 hours. Then one of his relatives tried calling me (I was in the shower and missed the call), so shortly after I texted to tell him I was coming by the house to check on things and that I wanted him not to be there. He responded that he wanted to sit down and talk. I told him I wasn't ready to talk and repeated my request.

We haven't spoken at all. He seems quiet right now. I'm holed up in my room and trying to catch up on work and correspondence. I don't plan to talk with him here. Any conversation will need to take place outside the house where there are others present.

I guess he has 30 days to get with a lawyer and respond.

BearlyBreathing posted 4/18/2021 19:12 PM

Glad you are okay. Thank you for the update. Thinking of you and sending strength and peace.

Anna123 posted 4/20/2021 07:55 AM

There really is nothing for you to "sit down and talk" with him about. All correspondence and agreements need to be communicated through the lawyer other than basic necessities.

My lawyer warned me to PLEASE don't put anything in cheaters mind. Once it's in there it is hard to reverse.

Happy you are okay!

InPurgatory posted 4/20/2021 08:32 AM

Anna, Yes, I definitely won't be discussing the terms of the divorce with him. All that I am willing to go over are the terms of the separation, paying bills, etc. Thanks to this group, I am much better prepared than I might have been. My normal route is to be open, and to try and compromise. What I have read here about the difficulties of divorcing a narcissist has given me a much better understanding of how to deal with him.

DragnHeart posted 4/21/2021 03:35 AM


Are you still Ok???

InPurgatory posted 4/21/2021 23:34 PM

Hi DragnHeart, I'm doing okay. Thanks for asking. I'm just snowed under with work right now, which is probably a good thing in that it keeps me from spending too much time worrying about other things.

All is still quiet at home except that STBXWH is continuing to push the need to sit down and talk. He's weirdly upbeat and trying to be chatty, which is a bit unnerving. I don't know if he has actually engaged a lawyer yet, but I get the feeling that maybe he thinks the conditions of the settlement have to be in place before he responds to the summons. I don't feel like it's my place to do his research for him, especially since I'm not an expert at this either.

jadedangel posted 4/22/2021 00:42 AM

All is still quiet at home except that STBXWH is continuing to push the need to sit down and talk. He's weirdly upbeat and trying to be chatty, which is a bit unnerving.

Do not engage him at all.

Remember, No is a complete sentence.

"There is nothing to discuss. All communications are to go through my attorney".

When he tries to engage you, leave the room. I would be wary of him, especially with behavior not common to him. That would make me nervous.

DragnHeart posted 4/22/2021 03:01 AM

I am glad you are alright. I read this thread and was very concerned.

I want to echo what jadedangel said. Dont let him suck you in to a discussion. Walk away. Please be careful.


InPurgatory posted 4/23/2021 22:39 PM

So, my suspicions were confirmed. He came into my room again to badger me about sitting down to talk, so I told him that we didn't have anything to talk about except paying bills. He responded that he thought we could sit down "like adults" and discuss how we were going to divide things. When I told him that was for our lawyers to discuss, he suggested that we not pay lawyers "hundreds of thousands of dollars" to divide things up because it would mean that I get that much less.

I take that to mean that he has not retained a lawyer, and the clock is ticking for him to respond. I also foresee that he is setting me up to be the bad guy because I won't settle this like "an adult". Whatever.

The1stWife posted 4/24/2021 06:37 AM

Suddenly he wants to be “an adult”. ROFLMAO 😂

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