Me - BS 59
Him - WS 59
AP - his "friend" (she was 24 when the A started, he was 52)
M 34 yrs, together 39yrs.
2 adult offspring
D-Day#1: 6-29-14 , Final DDay: 5-19-15 (too many others in between to count, due to continued breaking of NC
Almost through the tunnel
and ready to exit the other side into the light.
We signed papers in the lawyer's office today. Now it just needs to be signed off by the judge, and that should happen in the next couple of weeks.
In the end, WH backed down on a lot of things and was surprisingly reasonable about the settlement. I'm staying in our current house, and he will be moving into the new house he is buying. Assuming nothing goes wrong with the closing, he will be out of here in mid-August.
I'm feeling somewhat sad that things ended up as they did, but I know that I gave him every opportunity over the past 7 years to make things right and to get help for himself. He seems to be realizing that he has alienated both kids and my family. I actually feel sorry for him because I now understand that he really doesn't see how he has been the problem. And until he does, nothing will really get better for him.
I'm sad that the only person that I have a shared history with will be gone, and I too will be lonely. Nobody will ever fill that gap because I have no other friends who have known me as long as he has. That part of my life is over, and sometimes it feels like there isn't enough time left to make a new life, at least not one that will feel fulfilling.
I guess it's just hitting me tonight.
8 comments posted: Thursday, July 8th, 2021
WH getting served on Friday
After another major raging incident last week, I contacted my lawyer and set the date for having WH served to this Friday. I was advised by the lawyer to not be home and to leave the house for a few days while he cools down, but not to plan on moving out if he refuses to.
I've moved important papers and a few valuables to a safe place. I have a bag of clothes and supplies at a nearby location. I have enough cash on hand to stay in a hotel somewhere without needing to charge it. On advice of my lawyer, I'm planning to install a keyed lock on my bedroom door the night before and I'm going to try and get a security camera set up in the bedroom.
I'm nervous. I have no idea how he will respond, but I have to plan for the worst. My kids and friends are worried, which increases my anxiety. I managed to capture last week's blow up on a recording, which I sent to my lawyer. She agrees it is abusive but doesn't think it's enough for a judge to have him removed from the home unless it happens again after he is served. So, I get to sit and wait for another possible rage and hope that if it happens I manage to document it sufficiently. If it's serious enough, then we can petition a judge for sole possession. If it doesn't happen, then I guess we'll be uncomfortably sharing the house for the duration. I'm not sure which option is worse.
I feel like I'm going to forget something important, but I have made lists of things to do. Some things I had planned on, like moving my share of our joint checking and savings accounts to a personal account, I was told by my lawyer not to do. So I guess I just hope that he doesn't do anything rash with our finances. I just opened up an individual credit card so at least I will have that. I'm moving direct deposit of my paycheck to my personal account (I think that's acceptable). I would welcome suggestions for things I may not have thought of.
Wish me luck.
55 comments posted: Sunday, April 11th, 2021