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CaptainRogers ( member #57127) posted at 1:22 AM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

is there a huge difference between sex with a condom, and sex without one?

I'm probably not the best for answering because the last time I used one was more than 25 years ago, but I will go with what I recall.

In the last 25 years, technology may have changed and made it so there is a smaller difference between with and without, but way back when, there was a MAJOR difference. Like night and day type difference. Like "am I even doing anything" v "that was amazing" difference. Like an "it isn't going to happen for me" v "dang I need to slow down" difference.

Since then, we stopped using any form of birth control until our last was born. Then I went to the doctor and sat on a bag of peas for two days.

Maybe the technology is better nowadays, but my memory is that there is a WORLD of difference in the feel.

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

posts: 3008   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2017   ·   location: The Rockies
id 8648245
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 1:27 AM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

I just don’t have it in me to try and convince any skeptics.

Don’t worry about the skeptics, you know when you know. It’s good that you are chipping away at it.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 725   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8648247
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 2:59 AM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

My WH didn’t use condoms because he thought she “was clean” Ha!

Trichomonas and a ruptured ectopic proved that wrong

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8648261
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 Underserving (original poster member #72259) posted at 4:01 AM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

20years your signature is beyond fitting. It probably shouldn’t make me laugh, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t. I hope you avoided those little “friends”

Tanner- thank you :)

BW (32)
Found out 3 years post end of A
D-day 12-9-19
Meh-ing through R

Infidelity brings out the cuss in me. I’m not as foul mouthed in real life. ;)

posts: 658   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2019
id 8648271
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 7:52 PM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

Underserving-

I think this is a bit more than analytics, and def more emotional than you are admitting here. Why go thru the hassle of asking the forum and doing internet searches? From a practical standpoint, the sex is done, was done 2 yrs ago. You are revisiting because its bugging you on an emotional level, and the "win" factor of which was better, again, that's not some light analyzing for something that took place a couple of years back now. Just think you're making light of this, bc it probably bugs you more than you think.

posts: 1149   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8648383
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WalkingHome ( member #72857) posted at 8:17 PM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

Imagine eating your favorite food...but with a balloon on your tongue.

It's about like that.

posts: 216   ·   registered: Feb. 19th, 2020   ·   location: USA
id 8648387
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 Underserving (original poster member #72259) posted at 8:52 PM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

I’m not really sure what you are getting at. If you’re trying to get me to dig deeper into why the classic “was the sex better” question is something I’ve contemplated, I think that answer is fairly obvious. If you think I’m looking to hear “it’s not as good with condoms” so that can somehow remove all of the pain of my husband fucking someone else, I can assure you that’s not the case.

Does it offer a small bit of relief knowing most men don’t enjoy sex near as much with a condom? Sure. What’s the harm in that? This is essentially one of the only ways you can actually quantify the quality of sex. It’s not something I had given much thought to, but got me curious when I did.

The analytical comment was mostly directed at the “do you even know if he wore a condom” questions. I am not one to smoke a hopium pipe and take him at his word. Nope. I have enough proof he did to satisfy ME, and I am not easily satisfied.

BW (32)
Found out 3 years post end of A
D-day 12-9-19
Meh-ing through R

Infidelity brings out the cuss in me. I’m not as foul mouthed in real life. ;)

posts: 658   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2019
id 8648395
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 11:12 PM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

Imagine eating your favorite food...but with a balloon on your tongue.

This had my H and me in hysterics!

[This message edited by BraveSirRobin at 5:14 PM, April 6th (Tuesday)]

WW/BW 51 (Me)
BH/WH 51 (TimeSpiral)

posts: 2038   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8648433
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 11:13 PM on Tuesday, April 6th, 2021

This forum is here to ask questions as you process things. Your thread is helpful for you, and others, that need to process and put some of these things behind them.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 725   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8648434
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 1:44 AM on Wednesday, April 7th, 2021

WalkingHome I think you may have hit on the elusive magic weight loss bullet.

I'm not a man, but I cannot tell you how many times my guy has told me how the vasectomy was SOOOO worth the trouble.

posts: 9411   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8648469
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RocketRaccoon ( member #54620) posted at 7:52 AM on Wednesday, April 7th, 2021

It has been posted many times that an A is a fantasy.

Am going to assume here, as I have yet to read a romance novel, but I would think that it would 'kill the mood' in a fantasy if you have to fumble around for a condom....

"As he took his clothes off to expose his Adonis-like body. Slowly, he reached into his jacket pocket to get a condom... which he then put a corner of the pack between his teeth, and ripped it open like a lion..."

Hmmmm, yeah, just doesn't sound sexy...

On a similar note (but more serious), why the heck would any wayward want to use a condom? They are with their 'soul mate' after all, and their 'soul mate' would never want to harm them... If one asks for some protection, then it would seem that there is no trust... freaky logic.

You cannot cure stupid

posts: 890   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2016   ·   location: South East Asia
id 8648515
smile1

 Underserving (original poster member #72259) posted at 2:39 PM on Wednesday, April 7th, 2021

Meh, I don’t believe my WH ever viewed the AP as his soul mate. He lied to her about nearly every aspect of his life (including his middle and last name) He knew he would dispose of her at some point, which would not be possible if a little demon spawn baby was conceived.

Yes, his A was more depraved and selfish than most. Don’t feel too bad for the OW though. I’m convinced she figured out he was married at some point, but never confronted him about it. I’ll never have any concrete proof unfortunately. It’s either that, or she really is the dumbest bitch in the entire world. What single man can only come see you once a week at 6 in the morning? Never invites you to his home? Is “always working weekends” No one is that good of a liar.

BW (32)
Found out 3 years post end of A
D-day 12-9-19
Meh-ing through R

Infidelity brings out the cuss in me. I’m not as foul mouthed in real life. ;)

posts: 658   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2019
id 8648562
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RocketRaccoon ( member #54620) posted at 10:17 AM on Thursday, April 8th, 2021

Meh, I don’t believe my WH ever viewed the AP as his soul mate. He lied to her about nearly every aspect of his life (including his middle and last name) He knew he would dispose of her at some point

This actually makes me quite worried, as your WS sounds like a bit of a sociopath. The stone cold ability to discard another with no empathy.

if a little demon spawn baby was conceived.

What single man can only come see you once a week at 6 in the morning? Never invites you to his home? Is “always working weekends” No one is that good of a liar.

In this case, the OW was probably reading too many Mills and Boone (are they still around, or am I showing my age?) stories.

You cannot cure stupid

posts: 890   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2016   ·   location: South East Asia
id 8648788
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faithfulman ( member #66002) posted at 12:14 PM on Thursday, April 8th, 2021

Ok now for the question, is there a huge difference between sex with a condom, and sex without one?

There is a tremendous difference. Certainly it varies from one person to another, but look at it like this:

Imagine running your hand over a surface that feels nice, a dog or cat's fur, a polished glass, marble, or wooden table, velvet, or something like that.

Then put on a latex glove and run your hand over the same surface. You've lost most of the sensation!

I haven't used a condom in forever, but I recall hating it, and often I could not reach orgasm.

posts: 873   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2018
id 8648799
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 12:44 PM on Thursday, April 8th, 2021

This actually makes me quite worried, as your WS sounds like a bit of a sociopath. The stone cold ability to discard another with no empathy.

That's what we routinely expect of WS, though. I can't tell you how many times I've read outrage here if the WS is the slightest bit concerned about the AP.

(Sorry, I can feel a t/j in the works here. If people want to debate this instead of gloves and balloons, LMK. I can start a new thread in Wayward without a stop sign.)

[This message edited by BraveSirRobin at 6:47 AM, April 8th (Thursday)]

WW/BW 51 (Me)
BH/WH 51 (TimeSpiral)

posts: 2038   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8648800
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Cheatee ( member #59284) posted at 12:45 PM on Thursday, April 8th, 2021

It's much better without, although it's not horrible with protection.

My XWW used zero protection and the AP was a junkie that preyed on vulnerable women he met in AA (including my XWW). Horrifying recipe, but I dodged the bullet she shot at me.

posts: 858   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: Planet Earth, usually
id 8648801
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 1:17 PM on Thursday, April 8th, 2021

My stbx swore he used protection every time...

Until I suspected I had an STI. Then I got a parking lot confession of "okay one time, one woman and I did not use protection..."

Yeah, rest assured, he mostly NEVER used condoms.

I am not a man, but as a woman, I can attest that sex is much better without condoms. Skin feels better than latex. It just does.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4364   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8648805
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 1:17 PM on Thursday, April 8th, 2021

Duplicate

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:17 AM, April 8th (Thursday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4364   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8648806
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fooled13years ( member #49028) posted at 1:47 PM on Thursday, April 8th, 2021

Personally I prefer the feeling better when not wearing a condom but I do whenever my wife requests it because she enjoys the feelings of the ribbed type.

When dating I always used one, even when first dating the woman who became my wife.

Because we both had a sexual history we both had full screenings done to give each other peace of mind.

My wife's friend ended up getting genital herpes from her husband who was not cheating but brought it into the marriage. She now deals with it but wishes she didn't have to.

I removed myself from infidelity and am happy again.

posts: 1042   ·   registered: Aug. 18th, 2015
id 8648814
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 Underserving (original poster member #72259) posted at 3:12 PM on Thursday, April 8th, 2021

This actually makes me quite worried, as your WS sounds like a bit of a sociopath. The stone cold ability to discard another with no empathy.

This is an aspect that really bothered me for a long time. The truth of the matter is, most affairs are not “exit affairs.” The wayward knows they aren’t going to actually leave their spouse and ride off into the sunset with their AP. They know at some point they will have to end it, even if the AP thinks they are their “true wuv.” Waywards lie to their APs all the time. They lie about the state of the marriage. They make false promises of the future with zero intentions of any of it happening. It’s rarely some open and honest relationship.

Perhaps my use of the word “dispose” was off putting. The truth is, most APs are in fact disposable. How many waywards have dropped their AP like a hot potato after discovery?

My wh wanted to cover his ass like most waywards do. He didn’t want the OW to ever expose the A. Didn’t want to potentially be blackmailed. He did not want her to know anything about his children. Nope, he wanted to keep “reality world” and “fantasy world” entirely separate. That’s not uncommon with waywards, in my opinion.

I would feel sorry for her, but I don’t. I truly believe she figured it all out at some point, but was scared he would never talk to her again if she confronted him. I have my reasons for believing this. Plus, one google of his phone number, and there’s all the information she could have ever needed. I know she knew.

BW (32)
Found out 3 years post end of A
D-day 12-9-19
Meh-ing through R

Infidelity brings out the cuss in me. I’m not as foul mouthed in real life. ;)

posts: 658   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2019
id 8648840
Topic is Sleeping.
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