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Mental health and separation

Sallyjay posted 2/15/2021 11:29 AM

Since my separation, I have been seeing more and more clearly as I finally am out of the narcissist fog...

That being said, my sons father seems to be getting more and more delusional with what happened in our marriage and how he is behaving...

I wonder is there a way I can make him go to therapy? Or seek help? He has major childhood trauma that he never dealt with and needs to before he has a full break down... Hes taken on his new girlfriends children, when he never took care of his own son at that age and its like I have a crystal ball and can forsee him falling apart sooner than later...

Thank you in advance

JBWD posted 2/15/2021 11:40 AM

Iím afraid to say that I donít think there is.
Folks with experience on the legal side of if/when he becomes a danger to himself or others will likely chime in.

I know itís excruciating to watch someone suffer and inflict their suffering on others, but... You can lead a horse to water, but you canít make it drink. In the event there is no legal recourse, I propose the best you can hope to do is ensure your son can maintain a clear perspective: That perspective CANíT be maintained by telling him his fatherís grasp of reality is nil.

I believe (and once again those with experience will provide a clearer perspective) that the way your son will develop this understanding is by seeing consistency from you. That modeling of integrity will help him to discern whose words are reliable and whose arenít.

crazyblindsided posted 2/15/2021 11:47 AM

This is what I am seeing from STBX as well. I am faring better post separation but he is not and he refuses to go to therapy. I canít help him because he makes me feel mentally sick so I have to maintain my distance and no contact when itís necessary. He keeps blaming me for breaking up the family but doesnít realize his actions led to that. Unfortunately I donít think there is any way to get them to see that they need help and itís unsettling watching the kids have to deal with him as he gets them involved in his emotional instability. Iíll be watching this thread as Iím dealing with the same thing.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 11:48 AM, February 15th (Monday)]

skeetermooch posted 2/15/2021 12:31 PM

All you can do is keep a close eye on and document things as they impact your child.

My ex is increasingly delusional as well. Perhaps they need to break down completely in order to get help.

barcher144 posted 2/15/2021 14:15 PM

To be honest, I think that what we all see in our exes... is how they really are. Previously, they "behaved" (a relative term) in front of us because they wanted us around. Now that our marriages are over, they are showing their true self.

As far as I know, you can only force someone into mental health treatment if they are evaluated and identified as a danger to themselves or others and then it's merely a 72-hour hold.

If your relationship with him is good, then you could suggest that you think that he would benefit from seeing a therapist. The chances of someone going to see a therapist, though, I'd guess is very small.

Beyond that...

Not your monkey, not your circus.

p.s. Yes, this sucks because this person is still your ex and still the parent of your child.

J707 posted 2/15/2021 21:32 PM

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do. Nobody can make him go to therapy but himself.

In my experience with my narc ex, her true colors shined during the process. But I couldn't just say shes crazy or look at this or whatever. Which sucks. If your child is endangered in any way, then you would have a recourse. Which at this point you don't.

OwningItNow posted 2/15/2021 22:04 PM

How can one drowning man save another drowning man? It's time to take care of you. You simply cannot save him from himself. He'll drag you down with him.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 10:04 PM, February 15th (Monday)]

WornDown posted 2/16/2021 09:02 AM

Once you divorce (separate), he's not your problem any more.

I know that sounds cold, but it's true, and you need to cut ties with him or it will (continue to) affect you.

If it means that he has a bad relationship with your son because of his mental illness, that's on your ex - not you - to fix. All you can do is support your son with any decisions he makes regarding his relationship with his dad.

As for your ex's physical/mental safety...again, not really your concern. At most, you contact the relevant authorities (911, etc.) and they take care of him.

Obviously, this is hard to do ("turn your back on him") with someone you have cared deeply for, but as more time passes as you separate, and finally divorce, it will become easier. In fact, you'll probably realize how much better life is without dealing with a crisis every week/day/hour.

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