SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Now that I am divorced, I am trying to remember all of the things that I have wanted to do for the last 30 months but I have not been able to do because the divorce was not final.

For example, I am going to work with my insurance agent to kick her off of policies that I am paying for (like my umbrella policy) and kick myself off of policies that have nothing to do with me anymore (like her homeowner's policy).

Are there other things that I should be doing? I am talking financial/practical loose ends, not the emotional stuff.

Thanks!

Check the beneficiary designation on your 401k, etc.

Make sure all shared credit cards and other financial entanglements are cancelled/fully paid.

Change your will to remove her as an heir.

1. Make sure to separate any deposits into the correct bank accounts.

2. Take care of getting any auto-pay billings moved - streaming services, utility billings, credit cards, etc.

3. Change passwords or set up new accounts for streaming services (my xwh gave his stupid sister MY netflix password after we separated and the dumb twat set up a kids account for her brats whaaaat? I very much enjoyed signing off all devices and changing the password).

4. If you have credit cards, make sure to remove your xww as an authorized signer.

5. Unless otherwise specified by your divorce decree, remove her from health/dental/vision insurance (mine tried to do a dentist visit a couple months after our D was final using MY insurance. Yeah, that was costly for him cus he'd already been removed).

6. Change your wifi password. In fact, change any passwords you can think of.

Take her off of your Amazon account - I recently realized my ex was still getting free shipping from my account.

She might be the beneficiary on your bank accounts - so check with the bank on that.

Change passwords on everything - I don't want my idiot ex snooping into what I purchase on Amazon or accessing anything personal or financial: MSword, google photos, drop box and other cloud storage, etc.

Block her on messenger and other social media so she can't stalk you online. I don't want my ex to see anything about my life ever.

Change your will to remove her as an heir.

Correction.

Meet with family law attorney to draft a will

Thank you. Good suggestion.

Check all credit cards

Any and all vehicles. Are both names on the pink slip, if yes, easy fix

All passwords changed

Check your credit report. There may be some inaccuracies in there that you can report as false. Or accounts you didn't know about

All retirement, 401ks, pensions. Change the beneficiary.

Buy a bottle of champagne and enjoy. Congratulations!!

Thank you, everyone, for the suggestions so far. I've definitely missed a couple of these.

One snarky comment:

Change passwords on everything - I don't want my idiot ex snooping into what I purchase on Amazon or accessing anything personal or financial: MSword, google photos, drop box and other cloud storage, etc.

I actually had to change my USERNAME and my password to everything about two years ago. She tried logging onto my accounts just as our divorce process was starting and even though she didn't know my passwords... she knew the answers to most of my security questions and she was able to break into those accounts.

These days, most online accounts send me an email or a text message when there is suspicious activity, but that wasn't the case 2+ years ago.

Barcher your comment reminded me of something I did. I changed the security questions and created an email for password recovery when I changed my passwords. Some of them I had to use anti answers so my STBX couldn't guess. For example, favorite song became least favorite song in my head.

Congratulations on the divorce being final. I'm still waiting on mine.

Congratulations on the divorce being final. I'm still waiting on mine.

Good luck.

I have to tell you that, right now, I feel a little bit like Inigo Montoya at the end of The Princess Bride. I have been working on this for so long that I don't know what to do with myself. The pandemic and the weather (it's COLD) certainly don't help, either, as the idea of going out to do something fun is not very safe or very much fun (because of the cold).

Believe it or not, the thing that was the most difficult to change was getting the cable bill in my name. The cable company practically wanted my first born to change it even though I had been paying the bill for over a year.

If you use those reward cards at the stores, like gas points from the grocery store, make sure their name is off the account.

I made sure that he was off all of my memberships (like museums)

Also, you may not find anything, but it certainly doesn't hurt to do a search of unclaimed property in your state to see if there is anything.

Running free annual credit report (mentioned prior) a great idea to make sure there isn't anything you've forgotten about.

Do you have retirement accounts you've forgotten about from a previous employer? (This is ridiculously common). If so, make sure beneficiary is changed there and/or consider rolling over into an IRA.

Make sure she’s off all credit card usage notifications. We had a joint AmEx card for most of our marriage, and I took her off that card about 3 months before the divorce was finalized. About 6 months after my divorce was finalized, I was completing a travel reimbursement request form at work and had to access my AmEx account online to get a copy of a receipt that I misplaced, and at the end of that process the AmEx website asked if I still wanted notifications of my expenditures sent to my XWW’s email address. I was dumbfounded, my XWW had been receiving real-time notifications of my dinner dates, etc. that I had been paying with my AmEx!

[This message edited by Alonelyagain at 2:23 PM, February 6th (Saturday)]

I guess I was looking to access some discount but late one night I decided to join AARP on the internet. So I logged onto their website & signed up including paying with my credit card. Transaction is complete and the receipt pops us - turns out it automatically re-instated the X-hole's account with me as a spouse. No indication of that until the receipt! I get on the phone with them first thing the next morning. I figured the easiest thing would be for them to cancel the transaction and start over for me. Guy on the other end of the phone says he tried that and it wasn't going thru. ??? He is struggling (new?) and decides the way to accomplish the mission is to tell their computer database that X-hole is dead. Alrighty then, go with that option. As of last summer, their database is accurate but I don't think AARP caused it.

Yeah, I forgot to change my CVS discount card. Until I read the 6’ receipt and see that I am only 2 boxed hair colors from a reward. I don’t color my hair from a box. Jerk was letting the AP use the card for her hair color and taking my savings. Changed that in a hurry. So many little things to unwind.

Yeah, I forgot to change my CVS discount card. Until I read the 6’ receipt and see that I am only 2 boxed hair colors from a reward. I don’t color my hair from a box. Jerk was letting the AP use the card for her hair color and taking my savings. Changed that in a hurry. So many little things to unwind.

Snort. I still use the exs petsmart awards. Has her name but is under my phone number.

I also used the old sam's club card for a couple of years post D as it had no credit attached. Took my GF shopping the day I learned they cancelled it. Gfs contact in my phone became samsclubwife that day as I signed her up for the 2nd sams card on my new account. it became her email address not long after. Ended up marrying her for real 7 years ago.

I got a giggle out of changing the grocery store rewards card. Went to change the address and my phone number and the girl said "let's just cancel this one and move your points to a new account." I was cool with that and wished I could be a fly on the wall next time he tried to use it. Not big in the whole scheme of things but enjoyable as I went on my merry way into a new life.

About 6 months after my divorce was finalized, I was completing a travel reimbursement request form at work and had to access my AmEx account online to get a copy of a receipt that I misplaced, and at the end of that process the AmEx website asked if I still wanted notifications of my expenditures sent to my XWW’s email address. I was dumbfounded, my XWW had been receiving real-time notifications of my dinner dates, etc. that I had been paying with my AmEx!

Honestly, this sounds like the most passive-aggressive way to show an ex-spouse... ha ha... I am so happy without you!!!

(A more serious response... I want privacy from xWW, so I like this suggestion and I am following up on it. Thank you!)

Did you sign any HIPAA privacy forms that allow your healthcare providers to release info to her?

Barcher,

There are so many things to consider before and after you divorce. 'HIPA forms: I have removed the idiot from all of my medical forms. I even got a POA listing my daughters because he continues to drag out this divorce. (almost 4 years). I sure wouldn't want him in charge of my med decisions since we are still legally married. I wish you and your children well!

Have a credit report ran!! You never know how sneaky a cheating spouse can be.