SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello all and Happy New Year!

My divorce is going on two years. Things were going good till Covid hit. I miss hanging out with my family and friends. But I must say, I have been really relishing in the fact that my ex has to pay me child support and maintainence. It is the only thing he regrets about what he did, losing his precious money. He will tell anyone he can about how he has barely any money now. Especially our kids. Cry me a river! It brings me great joy to see him struggling. I know that is wrong of me. But I can’t help it after the horrible mental and emotional abuse he happily put me thru for so long.

I just found out he came into some money. Just like that his arrogance and narcissism are back with a vengeance. Now he has all this money dropped on his lap, for doing nothing! It makes me so angry!!!

Everyone told me...he will get his! Karma will get him! Well, sure doesnt seem like it. I feel like he keeps catching all these breaks while I struggle to work, provide a home and take care of my kids. Why does it seem like I keep getting punished when he is the one who did such horrible immoral things!!! It is eating away at me! And I don’t want it to. I don’t want to give a crap what his gross loser life is like. Any tips on how to not focus on this?

I can def relate. Just found out xh made $75,000 profit this week by selling his house. He and OW already bought another one with his inheritance from his parents so I guess that $$ goes right in the pocket of their new clothes (and driving around in their 2 new vehicles). While our children and I drive 20 year old cars and our house needs lots of work.

On the other hand, earlier today I was thinking about how grateful I am that I’m not getting mentally manipulated by xh, not fighting with him. I could actually feel the sun in my face and take deep breaths. Peace, calm, etc., Our life is better now, in my opinion.

I remember someone on SI said their xh had gone thru 3 inheritances!!!!! And was now broke!!!!! So, I’m hoping I get to see something like that ! 👍

Hey Jess:

I struggled with this for a while myself.

Assclown really blew up his world across the board at the end of our time together, and I was certain he would be homeless or in jail or something else before long.

He seemed to manage to avoid serious trouble the way he always had - manipulating, running away, putting his head in the sand. Beg, borrow or steal. Whatever. I was kind of expecting the piper to show up for payment in some glorious fashion.

And I realized that the true "karma" was that he had to wake up with himself every morning and look in that mirror. That most likely - at the end of his days - he won't be consoled or surrounded by genuine love that he nurtured in his life. He won't leave things he's touched any better - more likely he's left a path of destruction.

My assclown will always be small. I suspect yours might be the same way. If yours is anything like that, those "momentarily rich" periods are just that. Momentary. It will most likely burn a hole in his pocket or not be used for something to enrich or better his life or that of his loved ones. It's exactly as you said - catching a break. He didn't earn it in any real way and it's just a short respite from his real woes. Which have to do with his character.

If he hasn't gotten healthy or authentic or kind or giving, then he is riding the Karma bus like crazy.

You struggling to work and provide a home and take care of your kids is where the real wealth resides. Maybe try looking at the long game? It helped me goo gobs.

My exdouche moved in with a new victim less than 3 months after our D was final. Not gonna lie, at first it kinda hurt. Like why does he get to find someone when I still feel so broken?

But here's the thing. Changing who he is with does not change who he IS. And he is a liar. A manipulator. A scam artist. He is incapable of true meaningful connection. He is incapable of love, of either himself or anyone else. He will say whatever bullshit he has to to get what he wants. He will spew whatever lies he has to to keep a roof over his head. Every. single. thing. he left with, I bought for him. He has nothing. And he can bang however many skanks he wants to... that doesn't change any of that shit about him that is so severely lacking.

I have my family. My good friends. A good job. My pets. My house. And most importantly, I have my self-respect. And I have all that no matter whether I have an SO or not.

So on the surface, it looks like he's better off. But dig a micron under that surface and his bullshit unravels in short order.

Karma is knowing that I have value and worth and he has... nothing.

[This message edited by EllieKMAS at 6:52 PM, January 30th (Saturday)]

Why do you want to see him struggle? Then your alimony & support could be in jeopardy.

I think you just want him to be unhappy. Miserable.

You won’t necessarily see it b/c the X is not going to show it. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist it just means they choose to keep up the charade.

EllieKMAS said it best. You are striving for the point where you no longer care.

Bless you 1st wife

I'm working on indifference but nowhere near there yet!

I still want him to crash and burn and wind up with necrotizing faciitis of the gonads. I still want to hear that the 18 yo slutcake he fucked has gotten a beat down by the next wife who's husband she flaps her diseased twat at.

But in the big-picture view, I absolutely know I got the better end of the stick for sure!!

It's all about the balance.

Yeah, mine keeps catching breaks too. Just landed a new job with a 50% bump in salary - doesn't even have a degree. The perks of being a mediocre white guy never end.

I won't lie I want him to get flattened by the karma bus but mostly I just want to be happy again and not give a fuck about him.

Chili hit the nail on the head - he has to wake up to himself everyday. That must suck - going through life pretending to be a decent human, pretending he's not spending every hour he's not at work chasing hookers and shoving crap food in his face, pretending he's not a disordered predator - yuck. I not only get to be me, a much better human, but I also don't have to see his lying face anymore.

I’ve been divorced over seven years and I needed the karma. I needed it! I wasn’t happy with indifference. Well, Karma came slowly and when it did, it came in a tank.

My ex married a wealthy woman because money is all he cares about. She caught him cheating within a few months and threw him out. His side piece was such a nut job the police had to get involved. Unfortunately his wife took him back, but with a post nup that he can’t so much as cast an eye at another woman or she gets everything. So I’m told. So he lost me, put an ugly permanent stain on his new marriage and shined a light on what a terrible person he is in full view of his daughter. His parents know everything and are mortified. This is a person who prides himself greatly on how others see him. And now everyone knows he’s a cheating POS.

All of this to say, it took time. Karma always comes on it’s own schedule. Keep the faith

I can so relate to this, and I was thinking heavily on it yesterday. STBX and I have a lot of assets, and I suspect he's going to ends up with most of them. Because we are likely going to trial, as it is impossible to mediate with a cluster B, I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for him coming out way ahead financially. He earns over twice what I do, and child support in my state is a joke, so financially he will be better off no matter what.

However, as stated above, he is still a liar a cheat and a thief. This is why he has no true long-term friendships. And he cannot maintain a romantic relationship. He's still cheating on every girl he dates (I see the evidence in his financials). Wherever he goes, there he is. He will most certainly have more money than me, but I will most certainly have a better life. I already do. And the biggest prize of all, divorcing his toxic ass. Not having him in my life on a daily basis polluting my space.

It is the same for you. Believe me, your kids will see this, if they don't already. My STBX takes the kids to fancy resorts with water slides, etc and on his yacht. I take my kids camping in a tent, because that's what I can afford. Guess what--my kids absolutely love camping. We have two more trips planned this season and they cannot wait. My kids would rather run around the yard with their friends than have me take them to an expensive dinner. Kids just need love. The basic things, food clothing and shelter as well, and it doesn't matter how big a fancy your house is. Are your kids warm? Safe? Fed? And dry? Well then they are doing great.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 6:58 AM, January 31st (Sunday)]

Amen!!!! Kids will see it. They are not dumb.

Thank you all for the input. It helps so much to hear other’s experiences and see things that I wouldnt have on my own.

It makes me remember how happy I was the very first day I didn’t have to spend one more day with him. It makes me tear up just thinking about it.

Karma will come for him. And I hope the day it does...I wont even give a crap!

I’ll tell you a good Karma story with two great outcomes.

My friend married her HS sweetheart. Turns out he was a serial cheater. After 10 years of marriage (no kids yet) she learns the truth. He’s has an OC, fiancée and two other side chicks. And his beautiful wife. All at the same time. Everyone knew but her family snd friends. The neighbors knew. His work colleagues knew. Etc.

They D. Messy ugly long court battle. She got everything she wanted b/c his job and pension were at stake. They go their separate ways.

Years later she gets a call from the serial cheater’s young and dumb wife. She’s hysterical that her H’s cheating in her. My friend told her never to call her again and what did she expect?

My friend no longer cared. About her XH or his life or his karma etc.

It didn’t matter what happened to the XH

OK, trigger warning, this is dark.

I was in the supermarket and got to talking to two ladies in their sixties. One of them was dissing men and passing by with my cart, I threw out an, "Amen." The one lady tells me her cheating ex was driving to pick up the stripper girlfriend he left her for. Somehow he ran off the road and got buried in an avalanche. Took them awhile to find his body. I know, that's harsh but I'm a little angry these days.

[This message edited by skeetermooch at 2:55 PM, January 31st (Sunday)]

How's this for a dark karma story....

*********TRIGGER*******WARNING************

****Repeated AND EXTREME narcissistic abuse as well as REPEATED physical neglect AND abuse of BABIES****

************************************************************************************************* ***********************************************************

I was with my xh for just a little under 14 years & married for 10.

The last four but especially the last two years of my now deceased former marriage, unbeknownst to me, Xh had an equally married 24 yr old meth smoking high school dropout almost incessantly whispering in his ear & harping on him to leave me so that they could run away together & play insta-family with ow's almost preteen child. Yep. The off & on heavy meth smoking ow was only 24 yrs old & already had an almost preteen kid. Xh picked a real work of art to chase after & began f-cking almost immediately after meeting.

Our marriage slowly then gradually then increasingly became shakier & went from bad to awful to unimaginably hellish within a matter of a few short months.

My then husband began both talking to AND speaking to me - his WIFE of several good, bad & ugly years - in ways that mentally & emotionally healthy individuals just simply would NOT even THINK to speak to...let alone treat an animal.

I still firmly believe that the circus ugly meth smoking Amy Fisher wannabe ow as well as xh's #1 favorite decades long pill popping junkie happily egged ex on, to treat me in increasingly shocking & crueler ways simply bc I absolutely flatly REFUSED to NOT call attention to nor bs on ex's nastiness.

I guess it can be easily argued & said that the still very much married young ow finally AND ultimately "won" bc xh literally & very cruelly abandoned me but not before either stealing &or irreparably destroying so many of the antiques we bought over the years as well as untold personal belongings, clothing, jewelry, etc.

My husband, his equally married young psychopath as well as ex's #1 favorite flying monkey practically gutted our little apartment home in the days & hours before ow sped down here to help whisk her very much married "soulmate" off to a supposedly shiny happy wall to wall full of nonstop sex...yet mysteriously free of any real, real life responsibilities.

Just *how* these two asshatted adulterers planned to get/keep everything together AND successfully pull it off is still, 8+ years later, a head scratching mystery; the proverbial 6 million dollar question.

I digress..back to my story of xh's EXTREMELY DARK karma story...

Please bear in mind that I wouldn't begin learning the truth about ex's abandoning me & what happened to ex & the ow in the weeks & months after both ex left & I divorced him just a few short weeks later; when it became painfully crystal clear that my then husband simply was NEVER returning.

I began learning the truth when one afternoon, a many years long implicitly trusted Army friend requested that I meet him at his civilian job on a day off. Thinking that my buddy just wanted my company, some Subway & coffee, I was happily on my way or so I thought..

Upon meeting my friend & exchanging the usual friendly pleasantries & brief few minutes of informal catch-up gossip, my friend began asking me several EXTREMELY uncomfortable questions that I answered both promptly AND as truthfully as possible. I still wasn't 100% sure where my friend was going with everything so far until he asked me 2 questions - How well, even after almost 14 years with Xh did I REALLY know ex AND did I want to know the real reason "why" ex cruelly abandoned me so suddenly. I offered my friend a sincere albeit apprehensive "yes."

Friend began typing on his laptop then motioned me to come into his desk & work area. Friend turned his laptop to where I could get a better view of the screen & its contents.

Friends, to this very moment, I still VIVIDLY remember covering my mouth with my own hands so that I wouldn't literally SCREAM - and understandably scare employees working in the business next door.

My friend gently swiped his laptop back in his direction & began typing a little more then just as quickly turned it back towards me.

As I type this, sometimes I think I can still hear a faint distant thud as my jaw hit the floor in my friend's office.

There staring back at me on the screen of my friend's laptop were 5+ pages of Dane County, Wisconsin court documents courtesy of Dane County's Freedom Of Information Access Act - as well as xh's last known arrest from a couple of years ago.

Ex's recent arrest was't what made me cover my own mouth so that I wouldn't scream though.

Staring back at me were online documents that spelled out in layman's language how my xh had been arrested, found medically AND criminally responsible for not just one or even two but three, repeat, THREE separate instances AND charges of/for FELONY "class H" INTENTIONAL Child Abuse/Harm To A Child; all between October 1, 2012 & May 13, 2013!

To say that after so many years with xh that he would've alternately REPEATEDLY both neglected AND REPEATEDLY hit & battered, yes BATTERED the 2-5 MONTHS old twin boy & girl babies that ow DELIBERATELY became pregnant with literally just a few months previously..I was absolutely & almost literally dumbstruck.

According to these court documents, I got to read where instead of ow getting off her nasty greasy meth addled back, calling 911 &or simply grabbing her babies & making a rocket speed beeline for the nearest police station & having ex both emergency evicted AND arrested, what did ow decide & choose to do? According to these 5+ pages of online court documents, apparently ow freely & likely very happily decided & freely chose to CONTINUE living AND sleeping (100% UNPROTECTED, of course) with my by then ex husband.

OW happily stayed shacked up with my ex for at least seven MORE months, culminating in TWO MORE arrests for "class H" INTENTIONAL Child Abuse!

Again, according to these online court documents, my xh was sentenced to 4 years WORK RELEASE - for THREE separate charges of INTENTIONAL child abuse!

Xh was ordered by a Dane Co. judge to not only 4 years work release but to participate in AND successfully complete courses in anger management.

Xh was ordered to undergo, willingly participate in, fully cooperate with & successfully complete a professional psychiatric evaluation as well.

To be brutally honest, all of these court mandated requirements couldn't have happened to a more deserving monster than my ex!

I do know that the state of Wisconsin legally terminated both xh's AND ow's parental rights sometime between mid to late 2013 - but bc everything happened across state lines as well as involving minor children, their babies, as of me sharing this, I still do NOT know ANYTHING beyond the twins names.

I don't know if xh's or ow's parents or family members were awarded custody of their twins - or if the twins were quietly legally adopted by unknown parents; all behind closed secured courtroom doors. I just DON'T know. Furthermore, I have no way of knowing IF the twins foster parents eventually legally changed the twins names thereby making it all but impossible for neither my ex, their disgusting meth addled mother or anyone in their families to locate the twins & attempt to establish any kind of relationship with them.

If I'm not mistaken, I think the twins would be 8-9 years old by now.

As for the circus ugly still very much lying all over 8+ social media accounts, the absolute only & I do mean ONLY affair related consequence that the ow experienced/suffered was the state of Wisconsin point blank told ow to either freely relinquish both physical custody of AND legal parental rights to her/their babies or that ow would be arrested AND charged with not only THREE charges of INTENTIONAL child abuse but what Wisconsin legally terms Party To A Crime of INTENTIONAL Child Abuse/Harm To A Child. So what did ow do?

Well, according to these 5+ pages of online court documents, ow decided & chose to happily take the coward's way out & she freely signed away her parental rights - to the twin babies that she very much DELIBERATELY became pregnant with less than a year previously!

OW then seemed to happily jump back up on a seemingly endless merry-go-round of job changes, bed hopping, new/different men & currently resides & works in a Milwaukee area suburb - get this - as an elementary school paraprofessional aide employed by the Milwaukee Federated Schools System!

Seriously, given ow's legal track record, HOW the actual f--k is this even possible?!?

Both my xh AND this dangerous young psychopath caused so much wholesale, unwarranted, unjustified & genuinely unprovoked undeserved emotional & financial destruction to at least two or more marriages.

Both xh AND ow seem to alternate between steamrolling AND/OR happily figure skating through life & through other people's hard earned time, money & resources - but ESPECIALLY their money.

And it all seems to count for nothing to these monsters.

OW's attitude both on SM as well as IRL has ALWAYS been that NOTHING EVER HAPPENED...or IF something DID happen, well, it was NO BIG DEAL; so NO HARM NO FOUL!

Both xh AND ow get to happily continue with their lives like everything's in the past, me & other individuals very basically need to "get over" everything & just "get on with life."

Meanwhile, in 2017, I was professionally diagnosed with Complex PTSD & was in weekly then biweekly PTSD therapy for two years.

Due to difficulties with the therapist processing the insurance claims on their end as well as a huge downturn in finances, I was forced to take around a year-ish long hiatus from much needed & long overdue therapy.

I was blessed to find an affordable decent PTSD therapist much closer to home & one that is a BIG proponent of alternative therapies long BEFORE the therapist refers patients to a MD Psychiatrist for Rx pills &or other more in-depth actual clinical treatment.

Mercifully, I no longer have to travel literally OVER halfway across a medium metropolitan city for therapy. Getting to my last therapist was slightly daunting & definitely stressful.

Personally, I DON'T believe in "karma" in the traditional or feel-good New Age sense.

I do, however, firmly believe that life & our universe has both odd & mysterious ways of eventually righting wrongs & injustices; that life has just as mysterious & unusual ways of leveling things out; evening the score - even if we neither know, personally see or understand things at a given moment.

I'll say that it's definitely worth sharing that my xh's published arrest report AND cold arrogant mugshot are STILL very much on Madison Police Department's Facebook page from May 13, 2013.

Up there in Madison, Wisconsin, that I could see, my xh was the ONLY individual arrested that day for "class H" INTENTIONAL Child Abuse.

No one seems to believe *me* UNTIL they look for, find & read about ex's abuse record.

Why? I wish I knew.

I can only assume that bc individuals that know my xh &or the ow simply do NOT WANT to BELIEVE that xh AND ow are disgusting meth smoking baby beating worthless malignant narcissistic adulterous monsters.

This, I believe, makes for one of the more dark karma stories here on SI.com.

And 99% of what I've said & shared can easily be verified either on Dane County's court documents site AND/OR simply by looking for my xh who was arrested for his THIRD [INTENTIONAL] child abuse charge on May 13, 2013; definitely on Madison Police Department's Facebook page.

Life with Complex PTSD is challenging some days & definitely some nights.

But I'm still very much here & that's my main focus.

((gentle virtual hugs)) from a fellow SI member & narcissistic abuse survivor, 1ptsdsurvivor71

At the time of our split my fiancé was a young up-and-coming beauty salon-owner. The “hottest” place for whatever it is you women do at those places in our city, booked weeks in advance and all the work and money she could have. She’s still possibly one of the most beautiful women I’ve seen – Hollywood stars and supermodels included.

I left that relationship and basically cut off all contact. I saw her, her friends and family every now and then for about a year and then it just dropped off. Left that city just over 2 years after d-day and lost all contact with her and everything/anything involving her.

Nearly 20 years later I met my never-to-be father-in-law by chance. He had always been nice to me, so we stopped for a coffee and a chat. His daughter (my ex) was twice divorced, unemployed and on disability, had a son that was destined for juvenile jail, had been physically abused by her first husband and the second a raging alcoholic that emptied her savings… Basically he described an unhappy, miserable woman living in squalor and poverty.

About a year ago I visited my old home-city and ran into her former co-owner of the salon at a party. Still going strong, still crazy busy and still making a great income.

She told me that she had to fire and buy out my ex about 2 years after d-day because of her drinking, erratic behavior and financial irregularities. She had rehired her as an employee but that only lasted a couple of months. She still saw her occasionally when the “girls” from their HS year met and showed me a photo from their last meet. That was the first time in over 25 years that I saw her… and I wouldn’t have recognized her had I met her on the street.

I guess karma did get her.

But I don’t feel any better, more justified or any more a victor.

I would be just as happy had she lived a better, healthier and saner life.

My happiness is not dependent on her misery.

I am very much a believer that cheaters are really miserable on the inside.

That is, they are broken people who are incredibly unhappy. You can divorce them, but they cannot divorce themselves... so consider yourself lucky.

Like the other folks who posted above, I have a similar story. I divorced my first wife about 20 years ago and I haven't really spoken to her since.

A few weeks ago, I was playing online with court records (related to my divorce, or at least that is how it started). I eventually meandered my way to the state where I grew up and I looked up family members (my brother is getting sued right now, apparently) and my first ex wife.

Since she and I parted ways, she has had a rough go of it. She has been sued (and lost) 3 or 4 times. She has filed for bankruptcy twice. She has had her house foreclosed on her.

Do not confused who they appear to be with who they are.

He will tell anyone he can about how he has barely any money now. Especially our kids.

I don't know that I believe in Karma as some cosmic force which rights all wrongs. But I do believe that some people are just jerks and that they invariably reveal themselves in time. My own father never wrote a child support check that he didn't bitch about. Never mind that the $100. per child per month he was responsible for didn't even keep us in shoes and coats, that every scrap of clothing on our backs were hand-me-downs from people who felt sorry for us. We were a financial burden to him, and no amount of pretend concern could make up for having heard him complain about the paltry sums he spent on our maintenance.

Your kids will remember who bitched about their very existence and who didn't.

Consequences (what some call Karma) come in their own way and on their own timeline. Bad behavior has a nasty way of coming back and biting you in the ass, eventually.

Xhole's life is a train wreck of his own making. Sure, he looks respectable on the outside with new wifey, but I would bet my life savings that she knows nothing about the true extent of his irresponsible and selfish behavior, and that he hasn't changed. He still has debt collectors after him (default judgments readily available on the public court site), his baby momma in another state trying to nail him for child support, and none of his kids want anything to do with him. It would be interesting to know how he explains and spins that to new wifey in order to make himself the victim. I'm sure my kids have been brainwashed by me.

Right before Christmas he sent an email because my dad accidentally mailed gifts to our kids to his address (dad's almost 86, he gets confused sometimes). I told Xhole to drop off at my house (marital home). He did it during the day, probably thinking I would be at work. He doesn't know I'm working from home and have installed security cameras. I was watching him the whole time, and I was absolutely shocked how much he shuffled like a really old man (he's 65). Haven't seen him since summer of 2018, right after he abandoned his elderly mother at the hospital (yeah, he's a gem of a human being). I shared with my kids so they could at least see what their father (they refuse to call him dad) looks like these days. They just shrugged and said, "Looks about right." No interest at all, and that's Xhole's biggest loss.

So, he gets to grow old and eventually die with all that hanging over his head, a wife (maybe, she may bolt if she ever learns the truth) that has no clue of who/what she married, and no kids to be there for him. Sounds incredibly sad to me, but those are the consequences of his choices. He will never change who he is. I'm just glad he is not my problem anymore.

Focus on you, know that looks can be deceiving, don't focus on his Karma, and eventually you will become indifferent. Indifference doesn't mean you won't find some comfort in his eventual crash and burn, but instead means you don't waste any energy or head space waiting for it to come.

He lost you. Karma has already struck.

If you put so much stock in karma, then you would need to believe that you must’ve done something to deserve the pain he caused you. That’s bullshit.