SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Dealing with legal issues is so hard. I could use some words of support. You wonder why it never seems to end and why would someone choose to hurt a person they spent over 3 decades with rather than engage in a good faith negotiation.

The cautionary tale? If someone can lie to you and risk your sexual and emotional and spiritual health then consider the possibility you need to prepare for them to be capable of anything. They have shown you what they are capable of.

(((Hugs))). It’s truly like they become aliens. Mind-boggling.

The person you marry is not the same person you divorce.

I hope the nightmare ends soon.

It's incredible. I never thought the words I would use to describe someone I had been with for 40 years, married 35 of those would be liar, cheat and thief.

1st wife

You are absolutely right. In my case thought I think the man I married was a mirage and the man I am divorcing is the real man.

((hcsv))

So very hard for me to wrap my head around even now. You keep looking for the good.

While they are emotionally and financially stabbing you repeatedly and smiling for the other people in their audience.

It really knocks me back to level I thought I had crawled out if..how he plotted with the AP against me sexually, emotionally, financially. Ouch.

Then he lied about a simple uncontested divorce and is asking for alimony from me.

I had no idea what he was capable of.

:-( what a giant jerk. I’m so sorry.

The person you marry is not the person you divorce. The evilness comes out (in some people) during a D. It’s about “winning” not about what’s right.

Sorry for you. You deserve better.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 5:44 AM, January 25th (Monday)]

Divorce brings out the darkest parts of one's character. For normal folks its not dark at all but for these sociopath's it's truly evil. I can only imagine you pain and frustration right now. I would feel exactly the same.

You're going to come out of this with your integrity intact. You will heal and have a good life, no matter what the outcome. This dirt ball will continue to be scum, swimming in a cesspool of his own making.

Thanks everyone :)

Wish the whole covid thing was over and we could be eating good food at some warm seaside place like from the good ending of a great movie.

Actually was on the verge of D from my cheating H a few years ago.

It could have been vicious b/c of his lying and cheating. Except I was determined to mediate and my plan was to end it quickly. For the sake of everyone involved.

Pipe dreams b/c who knows how he would react. If he was w/ the OW I’m certain it would have been ugly. But I would not willingly behave in a way to defraud or steal or destroy him.

That’s just too evil.

I feel your pain. Stay the course is so easy to say but so difficult to do. My divorce started June 2017. He is still screwing me around.

Sending you hugs.

Spouses who use the divorce proceedings to extract their pound of flesh just transfer marital assets to the lawyers involved. The only thing I would suggest is trying to point that out.

The ex and I's cost less then $300 to file. We both feel we gave the other a good deal so it was likely not incredible far off from fair.

If someone can lie to you and risk your sexual and emotional and spiritual health then consider the possibility you need to prepare for them to be capable of anything.

This should be the header for Divorce/Separation.

And it would be a wonderful first sentence to the book that I will never write about my experience with divorcing my STBXW.

Looking back, I was so stupid about infidelity the day before D-day. The ironic thing is that I was even stupider the day after STBXW and I decided to get divorced. She and I discussed having a quick, easy divorce so that the kids would be spared the heartache of their parents divorcing. It would also save a lot of money. STBXW thought this was a great idea, at least that is what she said.

Now, 30 months later, we have spent about $60,000 on a divorce ($30K each), we still aren't divorced, and our kids have been severely traumatized. Ironically, it is likely that she is going to get less money (child support only) and more responsibility (i.e., more custody) than I offered her in December 2018.

As far as support, just be really patient. Get a good lawyer (which is not what I did... I got a bad lawyer... then I got a worse lawyer... and then I got a good lawyer). The legal system can be slow and expensive, but it usually reaches the right decision in the end.

As I told STBXW before she went really crazy on me, divorces are pretty much the same... you take your assets and your debts and you split them in half.

The person you marry is not the person you divorce.

I disagree with this in the both the strongest and nicest ways possible. STBXW was an asshole then; I either didn't see it or I refused to admit it.

STBXW was an asshole then I either didn't see it or I refused to admit it.

Isn't that the truth. STBXH thinks he puts his family first, but I can look way back and not be surprised at all that in D he's looking out for #1.

Thanks for the perspective, Shehawk. Hoping it ends well, and soon.

Thanks for the well wishes spades. Me too. I gave up a lot to him in the interest of keeping the peace and minimizing collateral damage to our adult child.

I hope it ends quickly too. If it doesn't I won't be surprised at the lies and deception this time, and I will know not to trust him again.

[This message edited by Shehawk at 1:44 PM, February 25th (Thursday)]

So sorry Barcher. It blows me away that the wayward don't seem to care who they hurt or burn...even their own children. That amount of money they waste could have been a nice college fund or down payment on a house.