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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 12:56 AM on Tuesday, December 29th, 2020
I don't blame you for having an issue asking for financial help, I hate it too and I've had to do it a few times as well. I'm glad you had a friend you could ask for that kind of support!
Thankfully I didn't have to get a lawyer, but I'll pass along what my mom told me when she was going through a contentious divorce... And that was: what price freedom? She gave things up and settled for less than she would've liked because she knew that getting free of it was worth more than anything. And she wasn't wrong in that.
Figure out what your hard lines are and stick to them, but if something doesn't *really* matter and it would make stbxww go away faster, be willing to let it go.
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 1:10 PM on Tuesday, December 29th, 2020
I'm so glad to hear that things are looking up for you and you are making progress. I'm glad you were able to come out of that dark period.
It sounds like you are still in a tough situation. My only advice is to keep up the work, it will pay off and you will be in a better place. Also glad to hear that you have some support.
99problems (original poster member #59373) posted at 6:38 AM on Friday, January 1st, 2021
You guys are the best. Your advice has been spot on. I actually paid my lawyer today!!!(he's letting me make payments towards my retainer)
So things are looking up!
I did contract covid though(found out today). I'm a healthcare worker, homecare, so I undoubtedly contracted it from one of the homes of one of my patients.
But I get a paid vacation I guess. The only thing that bums me out is that I won't get to see my kid for 14 days ...
I guess 2020 needed to take one more shot at me before it was done.
Fuck this year, I'm ready for a new one. :)
Got me a new forum name!<BR />Formerly Idiotmcstupid.<BR />I am divorced, so not as much of an idiot now- 4/15/21,
99problems (original poster member #59373) posted at 1:31 AM on Wednesday, January 13th, 2021
Update: Well I'm ok. Covid was like a bad sinus infection for me, so that was pretty okay. I'm hanging out with DD and it's awesome
On the lawyer front- my lawyer seems to have given up on my case, and I'm okay with that, strangely. He told me that with stbxw's new income and my new job, that I won't get any spousal support.
I am just ready for this to be over. And strangely enough, stbxw reached out and agreed to settle everything, no money, 50/50, joint decision making.
I'm just gonna do it that way and move the fuck on with my life. I need this part to be over. It feels good. I can pay my bills, I won't be rolling in money but at least I won't be paying a blood sucking lawyer thousands anymore.
On a different note- stbxmil, who is a bitch, is in the hospital. She's 75 and its fairly serious. I am not sad about this whatsoever, but I'm hoping that it doesn't affect my daughter too much.
Karma!
Got me a new forum name!<BR />Formerly Idiotmcstupid.<BR />I am divorced, so not as much of an idiot now- 4/15/21,
99problems (original poster member #59373) posted at 5:37 PM on Wednesday, February 10th, 2021
Ok, it looks like we could get an agreement between the lawyers by tomorrow.
I am freaking excited!
Assets wise I'm not gonna get what i feel i deserve, but I feel like nobody ever does and i'm not on the hook for any cs or alimony so that is pretty damn good.
Now to crank up the old life motor and get 'er running again. I think I'm ready to enjoy a life without the drama and stupidity of being chained to a selfish idiot.
Thanks to everybody here for all your wisdom and support.
Got me a new forum name!<BR />Formerly Idiotmcstupid.<BR />I am divorced, so not as much of an idiot now- 4/15/21,
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 5:49 PM on Wednesday, February 10th, 2021
Fingers crossed 99P - that's awesome news!
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 6:13 PM on Wednesday, February 10th, 2021
Great update!! 
Failure is success if we learn from it.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:23 PM on Wednesday, February 10th, 2021
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
squid ( member #57624) posted at 11:42 PM on Wednesday, February 10th, 2021
99Problems
And strangely enough, stbxw reached out and agreed to settle everything, no money, 50/50, joint decision making.
From what it sounds like, you got off pretty good. I know it's not exactly what you want. But it seldom is.
I wouldn't relax just yet. Try not to poke the bear, as they say. At this point it's best to lay low and get all the papers signed and hope your STBXWW doesn't change her mind on things.
There's definitely life on the other side!
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 1:06 AM on Thursday, February 11th, 2021
Good luck 99 and get this wrapped up. its like a huge anchor is off your chest
99problems (original poster member #59373) posted at 5:58 PM on Saturday, February 20th, 2021
Yes, I will not be poking at this particular bear any longer, my thirst for justice has miraculously dried up and been replaced by a desire to move on, up, and away from this chapter of my life.
Justice, or "fairness", is a fairy tale and only exists in Hollywood movies. I'm happy to be rid of the delusion that I "deserve" it. I feel 100 lbs lighter.
Got me a new forum name!<BR />Formerly Idiotmcstupid.<BR />I am divorced, so not as much of an idiot now- 4/15/21,
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 2:02 PM on Sunday, February 21st, 2021
Next up the x will want to be “friends”.
Definition of friend = loyal, honest and trustworthy.
Your best path forward is no contact.
[This message edited by Marz at 11:34 PM, February 21st (Sunday)]
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 4:31 PM on Sunday, February 21st, 2021
Yes, I will not be poking at this particular bear any longer, my thirst for justice has miraculously dried up and been replaced by a desire to move on, up, and away from this chapter of my life.
I didn't believe I would ever get over that feeling of needing justice either, but I did too, just like so many SIers told me I would.
That saying "the best revenge is moving on and having a happier life" is so true.
I'm happy for you that you turned the corner 99p! Get 'er done and life will be so much sweeter on the other side!
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
J707 ( member #63778) posted at 6:41 PM on Sunday, February 21st, 2021
I think I'm ready to enjoy a life without the drama and stupidity of being chained to a selfish idiot.
When this is all over, you're gonna realize just how calm your life is or can be. No unnecessary crap. The calm after the storm and it is peaceful.
DanielJK ( member #75654) posted at 9:51 PM on Sunday, February 21st, 2021
my thirst for justice has miraculously dried up
A friend said to me one day
"A successful divorce is where both parties think they got totally fucked."
BH 51
STBXWW 53
2 daughters, 14 and 16
Filed for divorce 12/23/2020
After a year of hell I finally moved out (5/26/2021).
Divorce still pending.
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