SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So. It is about 3 years since the last Physical affair I found out about really kicked off (although there were so many massive online and irl boundary violations that who knows, right?).

I have worked really hard to find the woman I was before my abusive marriage (If you haven't read my other posts I believe infidelity/lies constitute severe physical/sexual, emotional and spirital abuse).

Anyway, I have a couple of cool new covid friendly hobbies.

I have begun fixing things like small appliances. I have had mixed success but the whole experience had been fun none the less.

I fixed a robot vac (he just needed a battery replaced properly). I named him sharky and he is vacuuming my room as we speak.

I took apart the cord on a broken pressure washer to replace the plug (gfci plug). I was not able to.fix that because the pump was also bad and it was an inexpensive pressure washer so it is heading to the recycling.

I am working on a dehumidifier today (did a diy diagnosis and ordered a small part and gonna give it a try). Next is replacing a fan on a coleman cooler.

I am also going to shoot my borrowed bow a bit more if it stops raining. I used to shoot a rrecurve but I was loaned/"given" two really really nice older compound bows that the lender adjusted so I could pull them.

And some friends dropped off a new few targets recently.

(I am not saying these hobbies are for everyone..You don't want to start repairing appliances if you don't have the skill set for it for example. But I have friends who do and they help me when needed. So I am not promoting getting in over your head just to be clear :)

Wondering what cool new hobbies everyone has picked up or picked up again?

I was a huge bookworm before I got married, but really stopped reading during my marriage. I have totally rediscovered my love of books and reading.

I have also started taking old furniture pieces and refinishing them - not like restoring, but painting and jazzing up. I had an old entertainment console that I was gonna replace, but I really couldn't afford to buy a new one. So I painted it a really bright vibrant green (that incidentally my exdouche would have hated) and added stain glass window film to the glass and put lights behind it. It came out amazing! And has inspired me to redo several other pieces too.

I didn't do christmas last year really. my D finalized on Dec 13 so I really wasn't in the mood. part of it too is that all the christmas stuff I do have was stuff he and I bought together. So I decided that I was gonna toss all the old christmas stuff and do a 'me' tree. I have made all my own new ornaments - cool mirror ones, hand painted sugar skulls, and butterflies. Bought a black tree and some pretty colorful flower lights and gonna have an awesome tree for myself

I rediscovered my love of singing and auditioned for a professional community chorus. I now serve on their board, as well as sing.

I have done things I have always wanted to do, like explore antique shops and go to the Brimfield Antique Show (LOVE Brimfield--can't wait to go when it reopens). I get to see the performances and plays *I* want to see, not what I think my ex would have liked.

My SO has encouraged me to take up shooting again. He regrets it now, as I absolutely torched him on the clays course last weekend.

Cat

I have an old house dating back to at least the 1880’s. I’ve rediscovered my love of renovation projects. There’s a lot of new helpful information on YouTube.

I remembered how much I love the outdoors. I have been hiking, kayaking, skiing, etc. In preparation for the upcoming season, I have purchased snowshoes and microspikes (I already have downhill and X-country skis).

My SCUBA diving was put on hold during my entire marriage as Xhole was not a water person. After D, I've resurrected that hobby that I began when I was 14, and having a blast traveling to places to indulge. 😎

I threw myself into animal rescue work. It's something I'm passionate about and it is a form of therapy in itself. Nothing heals my heart like helping to rehabilitate a mistreated dog or foster abandoned kittens. I'd always been into it, but I made it a large part of my life and I am so much happier for it. Kind of a hobby, kind of a passion.

I grew up riding my horses all over the mountain canyon that was home.

After having children, I developed a, literally, paralyzing fear, of mountain lions... don t know why...

This made camping and, even hiking, a no-go for me.

Though we did live up in that same canyon for a few years, most of our marriage and child rearing days, we lived in town. We still do.

A few years ago, I discovered dirt bikes. Shortly after, I went trail riding and, even camped, so the whole weekend could be spent riding.

Since then, every weekend of the summer months and, currently, for as long as the weather holds out, I am camping, in the new-to-me motorhome that has been purchased, riding the new form of horsepower.

So, I have overcome the conditioned fear of motorcycles and, have come leaps and bounds, in dealing with my fear of mountain lions!

This is my therapy. I love it!

As the weather continues to grow colder, I am reading up and you tube-ing any and everything, about camper renovation. That, will be what keeps me busy, when riding season is over.

I used to ride a mountain bike when I was in my 20's and 30's. That went away with kids and time spent on her hobbies. I dusted off a mountain bike this summer and discovered that even in my late 50's, I have a really fun time riding single track and exploring my area from two wheels.

I've started cooking again. I'm now lactose intolerant and working on recipes that are lactose - free. (Biscuits and gravy)

I've been learning new recipes, like tomatillo salsa. I'd like to try squid ink pasta, then maybe how to make pasta.

Still so many things to learn. I need to learn how to replace the cord on an old lamp, so there's that.

On top of working out I have recently started teaching myself to cook. I have been buying cookbooks and watching YouTube instructional videos. I had never taken the time to really teach myself to cook in the past, but now that I don't have to take care of a wife I have more free time now. My daughter is definitely reaping the benefits. She loves the French dishes I have been making for her over the past couple of weekends when she stays with me, and she helps me with them. It has been a bonding thing for us.

[This message edited by Westway at 11:36 AM, November 9th (Monday)]

Well, my D-day and subsequent divorce was nearly 20 years ago , so I've had a LOT of time to develop into a new and improved me.

I discovered that I loved keeping tropical fish. I'm now up to about 700 gallons of fish. And that is after "downsizing"...

I've re-discovered my love of houseplants and have spent the better part of this pandemic adding to my collection.

I've rescued a small dog and he's the current love of my life.

But mostly, I've found ME and what makes ME happy. And, I've learned to be truly content taking care of me. Honestly, I think I'm in the most healthy relationship I've ever had as an adult, and that relationship is with just me. No desire to date or find an SO; just happy living my life according to what I want, how and when I want it.

This journey has been quite liberating, actually.

This is such a cool thread!! I am smiling ear to ear learning all of this about you.

Surfing is next. I want to go to California for a couple of weeks and learn to surf. It has been a lifelong dream of mine. I love to watch surfing videos. Those surfers look so carefree and easygoing. I need some free and easy in my life right now, and I'd like to do it before I get too old.

I've re-discovered my love of houseplants and have spent the better part of this pandemic adding to my collection.

This made me chuckle. I grew up with house plants (mom had them all around the house) and, before I married ex, so did I. Ex hated house plants so I never had any. Just one more thing I put aside for him.🙄

Now, I've got a house full. One schefflera is about 7 ft tall and still going strong (it seems to be really happy with its location) and a pothos and philadendron covering the top of my kitchen cabinets, trailing down the sides. They have names - Wanda (the wandering philadendron) and Jeremy (pothos) - compliments of my youngest DD as we were waiting to see how long it would take for the two to hook up (they were at opposite ends of cabinets). They did finally meet, and their relationship has really blossomed!

I had forgotten how much I enjoy them, and will never be without again. I'm a package deal now.

I started buying old beat up bicycles and restoring them... my latest pride and joy is a 1960’s Firestone cruiser I bought for $30. Restored to mint condition even the original tires were salvaged! She’s a joy to ride around the neighborhood on a sunny day!

I also have begun to dabble in houseplants, my latest is a baby banana tree I propagated from a friends 30-year-old plant. Her third shoot is sprouting now!

And most recently, started diving into the world of podcasting... I don’t need to plug it here (I have a separate post about it), but it’s been a really fun new project and it’s keeping me really busy!

I agree with you that cheating/lies/manipulation constitute severe abuse. It took me MONTHS to get out of the fog of the trauma when everything blew up in my marriage. To process that I had been lied to for 17 years, and in THAT way... it had me on the ground for a long time. Just getting up on my feet was a miracle most days. So... GO US for finding new passions and ways to serve ourselves. We’ve come a long way :)

For many years I just threw myself into work. Working 110-130 or more hours per week. I've cut my hours way back now and have taken up woodcarving which I love.

This is good to hear and even though I do not know you I am still proud of you. Keep busy and continue to enjoy life and work on your happiness. I’m learning to do the same day by day