Newest Member: Serenity7

Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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Tanner ( Member #72235) posted at 12:29 AM on Friday, October 30th, 2020

Let me say I appreciate the community of people here willing to share some of the awful details of infidelity that has affected all of us. Monday I found a post that has absolutely shaken me and my W on our journey to R.

When I offered R I required a lot from her and she followed through on all of it. I never considered the work I should also be doing. Since discovering the thread we have had many discussions on making sure this is a 2 way street, we need to address any and all pre A issues. It also reminded me that although I thought all fronts of attack on our marriage were covered. I better make sure my issues are in check, being a BS does not make me immune to temptation. I hate that any of us are here but when people are willing to share very intimate, devastating things they are going through it can save someone else. I am not tempted to have a RA but it reminds me that I need to be vigilant on all fronts. Thanks SI

[This message edited by Tanner at 6:31 PM, October 29th (Thursday)]

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 715   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8603479
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 1:10 AM on Friday, October 30th, 2020

I am thankful for good health. This year my high school class has lost 3 guys - not even 60 yet. Left behind families and children etc.

But the FB posts about all 3 from our small HS class (maybe 130 kids) are nice to read. Good memories, photos and nice thoughts. Condolences to his family who still lives in the same town we grew up in.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 7:12 PM, October 29th (Thursday)]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10526   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8603495
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fareast ( Member #61555) posted at 1:44 AM on Friday, October 30th, 2020

I am happy to continue to contribute to this small but ebullient group. I am thankful also for my health but even more so for my athletic facility where I can be active and workout even during a pandemic. I am 72 and certainly in the vulnerable age group as is my W who also has a compromised immune system after her mastectomy removed her lymph nodes on one side. Our facility has thousands of members but they have structured usage so all feel safe using the equipment. Constantly sanitizing and limiting numbers. This damp cold week with the first snow, I was still able to schedule four lap swims of a mile each, and use the weight equipment. It would be awful and devastating to be so confined in the upcoming winter without this outlet for pent up energy.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 2794   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8603509
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Aching44giveness ( New Member #75759) posted at 4:44 AM on Friday, October 30th, 2020

Thankful Thursday! Today my H scooped out a bowl of ice cream to eat from a gallon of my FAVORITE chocolate chunky ice cream. When I went to scoop my own bowl a couple of hours later, I saw that H put all of his chocolate chunks back in the gallon for me to have. It’s definitely the little things 🥰

posts: 24   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2020
id 8603535
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Tanner ( Member #72235) posted at 4:53 AM on Friday, October 30th, 2020

I saw that H put all of his chocolate chunks back in the gallon for me to have.

Ok that’s a big deal, I’m a recovering ice cream addict, this triggered me

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 715   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8603536
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Nanatwo ( Member #45274) posted at 5:56 AM on Friday, October 30th, 2020

RIP JJW - my husband met him several times through his work and always said he was a really nice, down to earth guy. When we lived in Texas we would often go to Armadillo World Headguarters or Gruene Hall to listen to him play. We were sadden to hear of his death, but it got us talking about how much we enjoyed his music and our memories of the Texas music scene and those early years of George Straight, Willie Nelson, Gary P Nunn, Kinky Friedman, Tracy Byrd.

Tuesday was the 7th anniversary of the day my H told me he had found his soul mate and walked out of our 30 year marriage. Long story short - after a few days he begged to come back - I told myself I would be crazy to take him back - even our kids cautioned me against it - but deep down I wanted to give him a second chance. That is what I am thankful for - that against all common sense I took that chance - and he has proven himself more than worthy of the chance he was given. I am thankful for our marriage - for the life we have rebuilt.

"And somehow I've learned how to listen

To the sound of the sun dyin' down

Just knowing in the morning I'll be singing

A song for this life I have found"

Jerry Jeff Waler

Time heals what reason cannot. Seneca

First the truth. Then, maybe, reconciliation. Louise Penny

posts: 554   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2014   ·   location: Indiana
id 8603545
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sunwillshine ( Member #47200) posted at 8:57 PM on Friday, October 30th, 2020

"It keeps my feet on the ground."

Thank you Nanatwo! I have a lot of very found memories of the early Texas music scene. And I too am grateful for making the decision to stay when all reason pointed in the other direction.

W2BHA- THANK YOU! I'm glad you weathered the storm okay and prayers to everyone who has been affected by all these devastating problems in 2020. This tread does keep me going.

Thank you all for sharing. Especially sharing the really hard things in life and still finding something to be thankful for.

D-day 2/12/15
5 DD (3 his, 2 mine) all grown
married 9/97 together 8/94.
Moved back in 5/30/16 working on R

posts: 1136   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2015
id 8603879
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outofsorts ( Member #70701) posted at 3:03 AM on Saturday, October 31st, 2020

When I went to scoop my own bowl a couple of hours later, I saw that H put all of his chocolate chunks back in the gallon for me to have.

Oh, I love this so much!

Me(BW): 40
WH: 40
Married 7 years, together 20.
Dday 2/22/19
Reconciling

posts: 330   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2019
id 8604010
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Tanner ( Member #72235) posted at 5:27 PM on Thursday, November 5th, 2020

Happy Thursday, I am thankful I have a new wall clock. The down side is my W went to Hobby Lobby to look for it and found Christmas decorations. It seems we are revamping the whole operation this year.

We store about 15 totes of Christmas decorations 11 months out of the year. I dig them out and she returns 5 of them to storage, untouched “we aren’t putting those out this year”. So I’m seeing a lot of waste here. Now we are revamping, how many more totes is that?

Our friends and neighbors are already decorating for Christmas so we agreed this weekend we will also. I figure bring on Christmas and get us the hell out of 2020.

So the conclusion is I’m thankful I’ve learned to choose my battles.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 715   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8605841
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster Member #45088) posted at 9:24 PM on Thursday, November 5th, 2020

Tanner...yay on the cock...I mean clock !!! Our wall clock came from Hobby Lobby too...they have some very unique and pretty ones .

I thought we were the only people who had over a dozen totes for Christmas !! I LOVE to decorate for Christmas too . My problem is that it is hard for me to let go of the Christmas decorations...and I can't bring myself to buy new things without getting rid of older ones!

My one thing to be thankful for this Thursday is that I am truly and completely HAPPY today . My H has seen my anxiety from earlier this week and has done his best to help my stress level go down...and it has worked ! I have let some extended family issues get into my head and instead of just letting me stew about it like he has done in the past...my H has offered some advice...a lot of care...and has even picked up some of the household slack for me. It might not sound like much...but it is a WORLD of difference from the way he was pre-A .

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5567   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8605980
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Tanner ( Member #72235) posted at 10:23 PM on Thursday, November 5th, 2020

My H has seen my anxiety from earlier this week and has done his best to help my stress level go down.

My anxiety has been through the roof this week, Pre A I never experienced anxiety. It’s been elevated this week and I’m not really sure why.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 715   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8605993
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sunwillshine ( Member #47200) posted at 6:33 AM on Saturday, November 7th, 2020

How could I have forgotten about Thankful Thursday? Well last weekend, I when to the dollar store to get, well, you know, Thanksgiving decorations. I wanted to make some fall arrangements. They only had Christmas decorations out. No fall colors at all. In my mind when we set the clock back, it's fall, not Christmas. So my H volunteers to go to Hobby Lobby with me. Where we do find a few fall items left.

I had expressed my disappointment at not getting everything I wanted for my fall arrangements.

Later that day, we took a walk around the lake. My H says to me, wouldn't cat tails look good in your arrangements? I say, why yes they would but I'm afraid it may be too difficult to get some because it looks fairly wet where they grow. My H keeps his eye on them, finds a place where he can get to them easily, goes and cuts a few for me.

I am so grateful to have a H who does things just to make me happy. Watching him make the effort made my heart go pitter patter. Yes, I'm in love again 😍.

I made two beautiful fall arrangements. If I knew how to post a picture, I would show them off.

I will remake them for Christmas in December. Lol. It is the little things in life that truly make us happy. Enjoy your Christmas decorations they can be so festive. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying my fall decorations.

D-day 2/12/15
5 DD (3 his, 2 mine) all grown
married 9/97 together 8/94.
Moved back in 5/30/16 working on R

posts: 1136   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2015
id 8606479
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Tanner ( Member #72235) posted at 10:49 PM on Sunday, November 8th, 2020

So 3 o’clock this morning we we’re woken to a loud crash and glass shattering. I jumped up, my clock fell off the wall and the glass broke. It wasn’t an expensive clock so my W just throws it in the trash. I said let me remove the rest of the glass and hang it up. Long story short I bought a plastic black and white wall clock from Walmart today $3.88.

If my W desires a better one, well she can keep looking

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 715   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8606797
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster Member #45088) posted at 11:51 PM on Sunday, November 8th, 2020

sunwillshine...thank God you are alright . You and Tanner have been such great cheerleaders for this thread...and I was worried when you didn't write on here on Thursday!

That was so sweet of your H to get what you needed to complete your fall arrangements! I am also very HAPPY to see that y'all are IN LOVE again !!! It's such a GREAT feeling isn't it???!!! Getting to the other side of the HELL that infidelity put me in was something I didn't think possible on Dday. Now...it is a wonderful feeling to look at my H with total LOVE again!!!

Tanner...OH NO about the clock!!! We are doing the shopping for an elderly couple right now because of Covid...and they asked for the same type of clock you got. We bought one for them yesterday!

I am sad to see your anxiety has been up this week too. When I read your post...I was trying to remember WHAT anxiety I had...because it isn't there anymore ! All of the issues have been resolved with my family .

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5567   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8606814
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Oldwounds ( Member #54486) posted at 6:13 PM on Thursday, November 12th, 2020

I guess, on top of everything else in the world, our grocery store explained there is an aluminum shortage going on. It’s why I hadn’t been able to find my wife’s favorite soda (no caffeine, no sugar, she just likes the bubbles).

Our area stores were out, a couple delivery places were asking crazy prices for it, and this morning I found some.

My wife was so happy, you would have thought I discovered gold in the back yard.

I realized then it’s not just that my wife is grateful for my endless search for the beverage, she’s grateful we’re going out of our way to make the other feel cared about and loved.

Neither of us thought we would be at a point where the little things would mean so much, but...here we are.

Married 34+ years, together 40+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived
Restoration takes time.
"Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." ― Epictetus

posts: 4175   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: PNW. The adventure continues.
id 8608293
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster Member #45088) posted at 8:08 PM on Thursday, November 12th, 2020

Ah Oldwounds...my dear friend...you never cease to disappoint with your posts!!! Happy belated Marine Corps Birthday to you...and in honor of Veterans Day...thank you for your service !!!

My H and I were talking about walk in showers the other day...and I realized I had never asked about whether the adultery co-conspirator had a walk in shower or a tub shower. I knew they had taken several showers together at her apartment...but I always pictured them taking tub showers. Nope. I started asking questions about the walk in shower...such as the size...what kind of tile...just a litany of questions to be able to get a picture in my head. To ME...visualizing things as close as I can helps me to desensitize myself. I could tell it was making my H very uneasy having to relive that place...but he never got defensive or shut down on me. He kept apologizing for hurting me...and for the pain he saw from me having to visualize the things they did in this new picture he was giving me in my head.

There were sad moments...but I was able to rebound a little faster from it. When we had finished discussing it...WE rebounded faster too...assuring each other that we were alright . I didn't shed one tear !! My H did...but the shame is not as bad as it used to be. I am hopeful that he will be able to heal from that one day...and that is my prayer for him every day.

I am so very thankful that we can have discussions like this without my H getting defensive and without me breaking down! I am especially grateful for the PEACE I feel after discussions like this . I never thought I would have this feeling ever again...but I do...Thank You God!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5567   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8608356
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LemonSpearmint ( New Member #75630) posted at 10:13 PM on Thursday, November 12th, 2020

It's Friday here now, sorry I'm late, but I wanted to say that I'm thankful for the gym, and for all of you.

This whole A thing has made me feel so alone in the world, and when I feel that way I come in here and feel like part of a club of people who actually know exactly how I feel.

Also, I'm thankful for this thread. I haven't posted until now but I love the weekly reminder to look up

Me: BW 40 / Him: WH 42
Dday July 15 2020
3 month EA/PA - Working on R

Keep moving forward

posts: 44   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8608444
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Tanner ( Member #72235) posted at 12:07 AM on Friday, November 13th, 2020

My W came to me crying and upset and said “here I didn’t open his message”. A guy she had an EA with reached out after being sent the NC a year ago.

It had not been opened and said “how are things in your world?”

I was so glad that she brought it straight to me, but it still pissed me off and I worked very hard not to be an ass about it. I did respond to him with “what part of NC are you missing?” She then blocked him.

I am thankful that she is showing me transparency, and I didn’t blow it, by losing my shit. It was triggery but I’ve learned over the past year that I’m so much better than these guys. I will never again make myself feel lower than a scumbag that would mess with another mans Wife.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 715   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8608495
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Tanner ( Member #72235) posted at 12:13 AM on Friday, November 13th, 2020

LemonSpearmint

This place is the calm in the storm, I’m also thankful for the thread because it challenges me to look for the bright spots. I’ve had some really rough weeks but as long as we are trending forward I call it progress.

Thanks for sharing

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54
WW 47
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown, twin boys 12 yo 2 grandkids

One day you will tell your story how you overcame what you are going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.

posts: 715   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8608496
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sunwillshine ( Member #47200) posted at 8:04 AM on Friday, November 13th, 2020

I missed Thursday, again. However, I am so grateful for my H and his ability to help me through triggers. I was supposed to go to a scrapbook retreat this weekend. It was canceled due to covid19. I decided I would just get my scrapbooking done at home. Of course going through old pictures can be tricky. And of course there were pictures of one of the ow. This was long before the A, but she will not go into my books. I didn't say anything until I had a nightmare. I told my H that it might be hard this weekend going through the old photos.

He told me that he will be here for me and we can work through it together.

He made me dinner and took care of things tonight while I worked on albums! I'm so grateful to have a creative outlet and would not give it up for anything! Of course, it has taken years for me to go back to this time period. But I'm prepared and my H is prepared. In the end we will have beautiful photo 📷 albums to keep our memories. I won't let some bad memories ruin the rest.

D-day 2/12/15
5 DD (3 his, 2 mine) all grown
married 9/97 together 8/94.
Moved back in 5/30/16 working on R

posts: 1136   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2015
id 8608565
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