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He texted me Friday night to let me know the company we used emailed him to say that our divorce was granted. Oklahoma is very fast if both parties agree on everything.

I texted him back saying how I held out this small bit of hope that I would never receive that text even though I caused it.

I broke down crying when he sent the text. Our daughter was with him, so she didn't have to hear or see me. I woke up Saturday and just laid in bed. I couldn't move. I eventually got up and then sat on the kitchen floor crying.

Sunday morning when he dropped our daughter off, I asked her to go inside for a minute so I could speak to him. Once she was out of sight, I hugged him and cried. He put his hand on my back and stayed silent. We then made some small talk. I thought he was about to turn around to leave, but instead he hugged me. We both stood there crying.

The reality of being divorced, having to call him my ex, comes and goes. I'll have moments when I'm fine and then BAM. Everything stops. My heart pounds. My stomach feels empty. I can't move. The complete and utter sadness just washes over me.

Sometimes, this still doesn't feel like real life.

Didn't mean to leave the stop sign on.

Well, now you’ve got me crying, friend!

Just remember that our lives continue and we owe ourselves (and those we love) the very best effort to make it worthwhile. You will never have the same thing you had, but you will never be the same person you were, either! Doesn’t mean any one of us is cured, but you remain on the journey forward, rather than down.

((((LD))))

I removed the Stop Sign for you

I'm sorry. I know what its like to want R more than anything and not get it. This process is hard. After almost a year I think I've finally healed that hurt. Maybe.. idk still sucks but the heartbreak doesn't hurt as much. Just take some time to actually heal from it. Do a lot of self care like your sanity relies on it. And in the immediate, have compassion for yourself. Let yourself grieve.

keep working on yourself to show that you can be a safe

partner. remember actions speak louder than words.

my prays that BH sees these changes in you.

((((LD)))))

I'm so very, very sorry.

Very sorry to read this. :-(

I just cried reading your post! I am sending you hugs and I am thinking if you!

Please continue going to IC. Hold on to your hope. Take your time to grieve. I have been telling myself that feeling the loss, the sadness, shame and self hate is actually good. It is a sign of change within you!

A divorce is a paper. It does not change the way you feel or the way he feels. Please, continue your healing and your progress! Wish you lots of strength!

(((LD)))

LD,

As Old Truck stated;

keep working on yourself to show that you can be a safe

partner. remember actions speak louder than words.

This includes remembering that with your daughter you will always have a relationship with him.

Whether that turns out to be more than just a co-parenting relationship remains to be seen.

LD, this is a great opportunity to start working on the rest of your life, forgive yourself and move on. Become active in things you like and make plans for your future. From what I see you've made positive changes for yourself. Deep Breathes, you will be happy again!

I'm so sorry to read this, LD. It's heartbreaking. But there is definitely hope for you and your daughter to have a better, healthier life. You have a purpose beyond being N.'s wife. Everyone, whether they are happily married (or unhappily), single, or divorced has an individual purpose that exists outside of even their children and families. This can be a new beginning for you. Consider starting with changing your name on here?

Very sad. I am truly sorry R couldn't happen. Please try to stay strong, stay healthy and hope for your future.

I'm so sorry LD... i know this has been a hard road for you and you were holding out hope that this day would never come. I'm so sorry it did. You can survive this and be stronger for it I know it.

(((hugs)))

LD, so sorry. Hugs.

LD

My wife's mother was widowed at 36 with seven children. She is now 94 after being married again and widowed again.

My mother (mother of 4) lost my father to a heart attack when he was 47 and she was 42. She was devastated.

My mother passed at 84. She was married twice more and was a great mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother to 3 families. She said the last marriage was the best!

My point is that you are young and you have a life ahead of you (maybe 2). You have to suck it up and get to work. Learn your lessons, and move on. Stop being so hard on yourself.

You both have to co-parent. Be a great Mom (but not a pushover). Be a wonderful grandmother to her kids, and a feisty great-grandmother to HER grandkids.

Hell, you're YOUNG. You may have other children ahead of you. The point is you're an OKIE now. Okies are tough. Boomer Sooner!!

Get going now. You have at least two-thirds of your life left ahead of you. It's going to be a great adventure!

[This message edited by skerzoid at 6:11 PM, October 4th (Sunday)]

I took our daughter to the pumpkin patch. It was fun but hard. Every few minutes, a memory of the three of us being there would pop into my head. Then I would get sad thinking how I wish it were the three of us there. We then went walked by through a trail where the three of us went a few times together. It sucks. Trying to make new memories with her except I can't get the old ones out.