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Jumping Back Into the Pool Again

heartbrokeninNC posted 9/9/2020 11:44 AM

So, itís been a couple of weeks since WW and I separated with her moving out of state permanently. Iíve been working on myself a lot lately getting ready to get back into the pool after being out of it for 20+ years and believe that Iím in a good emotional spot right now since Iíve come to accept the finality of the M. Itís time for me to move on and be happy. Went ahead and set up an account on a popular paid site. I did this because most folks would seem to have a vested interest and to weed out the pretenders (there will still be some but minimalÖhopefully) and spent the whole weekend tweaking my profile (which I still am) and choosing pics (which I need more of). Going to see where this leads and getting on with my life. In my eyes, there is nothing wrong with trying, and wonít be upset if nothing happens just yet due to the ongoing COVID issue which is understandable. Just having fun with the whole process which is exciting and scary at the same time. There are just so many options!!!!

twicefooled posted 9/9/2020 12:33 PM


I learn more about myself with each date and interaction. I wish you the best of luck :)

heartbrokeninNC posted 9/9/2020 13:59 PM

Thanks, twicefooled!!! Excited to get back out there again. It's going to take time to get back in there. Definitely have my floaty water wings on .

DevastatedDee posted 9/9/2020 18:11 PM

I keep signing up and then signing back out and deactivating profiles every few months, lol. I get some obnoxious message immediately on all the unpaid sites. There are guys just sitting there waiting for a new one and will hit us up before we even get a picture up. I wish you all the luck and I hope you have lots of fun with this! Just keep your mind about you. If I start seriously thinking of dating, I'll do the paid sites too.

heartbrokeninNC posted 9/9/2020 19:57 PM

DevastatedDee, the paid sites are the way to go from the way it looks. Taking it slowly and haven't got any messages yet but I'm hopeful. Had some looks but attribute the apprehensiveness to the ongoing pandemic. Screw COVID!!! On the contrary, heard horror stories from the free sites and was told to stay away by just about everyone since no one has a vested interest.

Just keep your mind about you.

Definitely so and have pretty good intuition and can gauge people pretty quickly. Always been a good judge of character until this last relationship . If the spidey sense starts going haywire then it's time to make for a hasty exit .

Booyah posted 9/10/2020 03:03 AM

Good for you!!

Enjoy it.

Keep us updated on how it's going.

heartbrokeninNC posted 9/10/2020 06:43 AM

Enjoying the thrill of just being able to put me back out there again. Feel like a kid in a candy store !!! Getting nibbles here and there but no messages believe those will come in time but not holding my breath. Might just have to relegate myself to Netflix and pizza for a while and work on me . Anyways, just wanted to stick my big toe in the pool and check out the water.

heartbrokeninNC posted 9/13/2020 18:47 PM

Everything is going well here. There has been some interest in my profile and it gets better with each tweak but still looking for pictures to put up that aren't selfies. I've had a few women asking me why only 2 or 3 pics but most of them have either XWW or the kids in there and would not be appropriate to post, guess those come with time post-separation. Kindly let them know that I'm still a work in progress. So much to learn but having a blast with it. Figured it is one of those things that you have to put some effort in to get results and there is nothing wrong with striking up a conversation. I'm curious to see where this is going to take me!

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 6:49 PM, September 13th (Sunday)]

LadyG posted 9/17/2020 19:10 PM

I love the Title of this Topic.

I just pictured myself in the Pool with a bunch of 50+ Year olds trying to figure out this new single life and the OLD world.

Good luck in the Pool.

heartbrokeninNC posted 9/17/2020 19:19 PM

Now I have the visualization of a bunch of 50 year olds bobbing around the deep-end daring each other to go and talk to the boys/girls on the other end.

WhoTheBleep posted 9/17/2020 19:38 PM

Have a friend take a couple of pictures of you. Or buy a small tripod for your phone. Use the timer option, and voila, a non selfie photo of you

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:38 PM, September 17th (Thursday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 9/17/2020 20:48 PM

WhoTheBleep, I've had a full-body picture taken and used that for the profile. It's actually worked out quite well but will have to submit more. Having a lot of fun with this.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 8:49 PM, September 17th (Thursday)]

Anna123 posted 9/20/2020 13:20 PM

Getting nibbles here and there but no messages

I am old school but if you are a man and get a like but no message, it means she is interested and is waiting to see if you send a message. That's just me, I have female friends that are more direct. Definitely more photo's is important. I personally skip profiles with only one or two. You can crop others out in group shots, that is what a lot of mine are.

Someone here mentioned learning about themselves with each dating experience. That has been remarkably true with me also, and fun. You seem to have a great attitude and will enjoy it.

heartbrokeninNC posted 9/20/2020 15:53 PM

I am old school but if you are a man and get a like but no message, it means she is interested and is waiting to see if you send a message.

Started doing this and it has worked in spades, just had to get over the "teenaged angst" because what is the worst thing they can say, "no thanks", and move on. I've had some very good conversations and enjoy getting to know them.

steadychevy posted 9/20/2020 19:33 PM

After my divorce was final I signed up to a Christian dating site. It's interesting what range there is in what constitutes a Christian. I had one fairly pushy person from the Philippines and another from there that seemed like she wanted to convert me from my denomination. I've provided a fairly limited geographic area and don't know how they got through the filters.

A while ago, after my divorce was final over 3 years after separating, I did ask a lady out. First time other than my XWW when we were married that I asked out or planned a date. Guess what. I didn't die. She turned me down. Guess what. I didn't die.

I'm comparing it to boxing or a fight. You don't want to take the first punch (or potential for a refusal). After the first punch (or decline) you can keep going. You're going to be okay. I'm going to be okay.

countrydirt posted 9/22/2020 06:01 AM

I have a friend who is plotting out ways to "fix" me up with some of her friends. I guess I'll play along. She tells me that I'm an attractive man and plenty of women will want to date me. My STBXW says the same.

I'm just so darn nervous. It's been over 32 years since I've been out on a date. I went on one "coffee date" and well, lets just say that the photo on the dating site was somewhat altered to change the appearance. I think I might stay away from the online deal.

But I'm in no rush. I do enjoy the company of a woman. Right now I wouldn't want to give any woman an idea that I'm emotionally or 'legally' available because I'm not either of those things, but I would like to find some new friends who might like riding mountain bikes or hiking or watching a nice show on the television.

SuperDaddy1027 posted 9/22/2020 16:47 PM

Good luck out there! I am surprised how many people are from NC on SI! Stay safe but have fun with OLD. Go in with zero expectations and just be yourself. Youíll meet some very ďinterestingĒ people I guarantee it 😉

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 4:48 PM, September 22nd (Tuesday)]

Westway posted 9/25/2020 13:19 PM

I took a pic of myself for my FWB and she teased me saying I'm a hunk from the waist up but that I look like ET from the waist down.


[This message edited by Westway at 1:19 PM, September 25th (Friday)]

thebighurt posted 9/28/2020 23:56 PM

HeartbrokeninNC, I give you a lot of credit for rolling with it and adjusting your OLD profile to work better for you. Good for you for hanging in there.

I tried it a few years ago and gave up on a paid site. Men who responded were pushy and seemed to think I should be there for one thing only, like they were.

Countrydirt, have you thought about Meetup Groups? You might find groups exist with your interests or you could start them yourself. Friendships often start in these groups. I have found them much more satisfying than OLD since I am not interested in M or a serious R. My new friends suit me just fine.

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