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Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 3:13 AM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020
[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:49 PM, August 31st (Monday)]
Sceadugenga ( member #74429) posted at 5:46 AM on Tuesday, September 1st, 2020
Was she narcisstic also?
Very probably. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't qualify for a full NPD diagnosis but when I think of her everyday behaviour, not only when she was in A, I get the impression she would score quite high on the narcissistic scale.
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 5:23 PM on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2020
While attorneys are talking.
She is now entering next phase using kids as pawns . EVerything is "don't you want to do it for the kids?" DO this and that for the kids.
I am NC with her. LAst night, while I was at home, she started taking all the pictures down with me in it and putting into boxes.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 5:36 PM on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2020
Your wife is just not a Nice person.
She just has to keep the evil going.
So sorry for you.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Sceadugenga ( member #74429) posted at 5:46 PM on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2020
Last night, while I was at home, she started taking all the pictures down with me in it and putting into boxes.
It's just to elicit an emotional reaction from you. Another form of narcissistic emotional abuse. Stay strong Brother.
HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 9:36 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020
Don't listen to her, or react to what she does. Show her you don't care, and just walk away. The way to defeat a Narcissist is to show them that they no longer have any emotional control or sway over you. They don't matter. It will drive her crazy.
The other way to defeat a narcisisst is to show others and reveal their true self to the world. if you have proof of her evil doings, it will cause her self worth to blow up. She will incur a Narcissistic injury, but you just need to be careful if you want to go that route. After all, you are going thru D, and that may not be the best move, although it might make you feel better at the moment.
Best bet is to move her ass out of the master bedroom, and you put a new lock on it. Just move her shit out when she is not there and put on a new door lock. Make sure you have a VAR on you at all times too.
pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 9:49 PM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2020
Ah, I'm sad that she's making all of you suffer. Yes, don't give in. She will say anything to try to get her way. Use the poor me, the kids, whatever. It's just games to her to try and win.
Too bad for her, she gets her old self, using, lying, eventing to herself. She cannot see her true nature. She goes on blindly devouring whatever she can use up.
You are going to a better future. Peace. Happiness. Prosperity. Goodness. Love. Kindness. Friendship. Truth. It's a completely different place from the selfish place she's headed.
This storm will pass. Show her you won't take the baits she throws at you. Maybe she leaves you alone or tones down her tantrum. She thought she could execute her plan without problems. Now she has to face what she is. She doesn't like truth. She is probably lying to herself to avoid it.
Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.
squid ( member #57624) posted at 12:05 AM on Friday, September 4th, 2020
This is when you have to dig deep, VonBock.
Ignore her. She gets off on watching you squirm. The best defense - indifference.
Google the term "Grey Rock". This is almost like an abridged version of the 180. It helps you detach and stay away from her toxic vortex.
Keep yourself busy. DO NOT ENGAGE.
BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18
This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 1:28 AM on Friday, September 4th, 2020
I am so stupid!!!
I know am doing the 180 on her. Attorneys working.
I was telling my friend that before I found out about the affair, I was talking to her. I told her that i have never cheated on her and I was proud of it. She said she would have left me in a second if I cheated on her. Then later, she responded "I told you that if you dont pay attention to me, I am going to find a boyfriend"
I interpreted as I need to spend more time with her or she will find a bf.
My friend said, she just admitted to you she has a boyfriend without saying it directly.
I am so stupid. I should have caught right there.
[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:31 PM, September 3rd (Thursday)]
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 2:12 AM on Friday, September 4th, 2020
Once again, Vonbock, she's blaming you for her behaviour. You are exactly right. She outright admitted she's committing adultery. Hey, bit it's your fault. You made her.
She is the height of self-centred selfishness. If you don't fawn all over her and worship her she will cheat. Because she deserves it. And it's your fault.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
survrus ( member #67698) posted at 2:39 AM on Friday, September 4th, 2020
Vonbock,
You wrote, My friend said, she just admitted to you she has a boyfriend without saying it directly.
I am.so stupid. I should have caught tight there.
Not especially, you just trusted your WW, which is a gift you gave her. There is nothing wrong with thinking the best about people it's a virtue.
Heck I took OM1-A out to lunch with my W and paid, and thought his girlfriend was crazy when she suspected there was an affair.
I ignored my Ws glowing admiration of OM1-B too.
I suspect many other BHs here have similar stories.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 2:47 AM on Friday, September 4th, 2020
Yes, VonBock. Love bias. We don't see things we think later that we should have. Love bias.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 2:57 PM on Saturday, September 5th, 2020
After i canceled a boat trip that was planned before this mess all started, she said she will take the kids camping, i said fine take them. I needed some time to myself anyways.
I am trying to 180 her. But she keeps sending messages through kids.
1. Mommy says she still loves you but you are a stupid man and do boring things
2. The 7 y.o. says mommy says daddy is mean to mommy.
I am having to really bite my tongue
Sceadugenga ( member #74429) posted at 3:09 PM on Saturday, September 5th, 2020
I am trying to 180 her. But she keeps sending messages through kids.
1. Mommy says she still loves you but you are a stupid man and do boring things
2. The 7 y.o. says mommy says daddy is mean to mommy.
She's growing more restless and pathetic by the hour, it seems.
I am having to really bite my tongue.
You're doing fine :-) I suppose quite a few folks over here are rooting for you.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 4:02 PM on Saturday, September 5th, 2020
I hope you're able to keep those messages, Vonbock. It sounds like she is shifting blame to you with your children. It could be seen as alienating your children against you and may prove to be useful information.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 12:56 AM on Sunday, September 6th, 2020
[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:28 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]
MorbidCuriosity ( member #74928) posted at 1:00 AM on Sunday, September 6th, 2020
You seriously need to start bringing a voice recorder around with you whenever she is involved. This woman is malicious and is getting her rocks of by playing this stupid game. I swear to god she is going to pull some shady shit after saying that you wont have access to the kids or whatnot. That is a blatant threat and could be used in court if needed. Start protecting yourself man.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 2:30 AM on Sunday, September 6th, 2020
You seriously need to start bringing a voice recorder around with you whenever she is involved. This woman is malicious and is getting her rocks of by playing this stupid game. I swear to god she is going to pull some shady shit after saying that you wont have access to the kids or whatnot. That is a blatant threat and could be used in court if needed. Start protecting yourself man.
X 100.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 2:48 AM on Sunday, September 6th, 2020
Just keep up the 180 and keep a VAR on you at all times.
Let your lawyer know she is using the children against you.
One day at a time
Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 3:48 AM on Sunday, September 6th, 2020
Don't engage, she doesn't want you to use the lawyer, she fears something and is probably trying to entrap you, so she can paint you as the unstable parent, don't talk or text her anything about that incident 10 years ago (or anything else besides D and the children), just ignore her and "keep your eyes on the ball".
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