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Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 6:44 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020
Now I have found there is more to it. She was planning to divorce me for other guy but in meantime milk me all she can.
I agree with this. I was a bit shocked that her last words after finding out that you were going to file were "What type of car would be best for the kids?" One week ago she wanted you to move out so she could "find her love" for you... Kinda sounds like she was giving up on the marriage....well that and having a boyfriend...
Ignore her. Don't have sex with her. Get your ducks in a row. Talk to your lawyer about seperating accounts ASAP. She's the type that might have been sneaking money out and setting it aside.
Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 6:46 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020
She’s going to be served THIS WEEK, as in before Friday August 28th, or NEXT week, before Friday Sept. 4th?
Hang in there and be strong.
Finally know what her plan was, which was pure evil, should help you out a great deal.
Don’t be afraid to start spreading the word about her affair to family and close & trusted friends. Don’t let her rewrite the history of your marriage and make you out to be the villain.
And as for ex coming back, mine still asks for another chance after almost 2 years of being divorced. There is ZERO CHANCE of that!!! Why would anyone ever even consider doing that??????
You’ve got this!
Do exactly what the lawyers say to do
[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 12:47 PM, August 23rd (Sunday)]
Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets
Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 6:54 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020
It is going to be interesting to watch the soap opera that her life is about to become.
She might soon discover that her boyfriend was only interested in your money as well as her money. He might hit the road as soon as her money gets tight and and it looks like her practice is about to collapse from her neglecting it.
Ask your lawyer if there should be a thorough analysis of all accounts to see if she has been hiding funds or giving it to him. You might be able to recoup it.
I strongly suggest you go ZERO CONTACT with her. Only communicate about kids!!!! Don’t give her the satisfaction Of seeing your reaction to her!!!
Good luck and be strong!
You’ve got this!!
Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets
Sceadugenga ( member #74429) posted at 7:14 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020
Oh my gosh, this is a soap opera. Once I am cleaned out, then she will divorce me and see how other guy pans out with the children. This is not just routine cheating, this is a movie.
Now that you know that, consider it a hit of blessing in disguise. It will save you a good deal of emotional turmoil down the road. Many BSs are left with a lingering feeling of self-doubt, inadequacy and regret. In your case D will probably feel like liberation.
Pandora16 ( member #56906) posted at 7:22 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020
Ask your lawyer if there should be a thorough analysis of all accounts to see if she has been hiding funds or giving it to him. You might be able to recoup it.
^^^^^THIS
My ex used LLCs to hide several real estate purchases from me. Don’t underestimate her duplicity. Financial infidelity often goes hand in hand with marital infidelity.
D-Day #1 12/8/16 (ILYBINILWY), D-Day #2 12/17/16 (admitted to affair)
Divorced: 10/24/17
Married 20 years, together 24, 1 young adult son
Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 8:24 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020
You are probably very tempted to confront her how.
Do not confront. Leave the room and/or fake illness but do not confront until your attorney is ready.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 8:52 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020
Good news on the serving. Hope you meant it would be in the next couple of days.
Please, please, please get the VAR or 2. Keep one on you at all times. Don't discount the very strong possibility of her charging you with DV (domestic violence). She's already shown you what she's capable of.
I think there is a strong likelihood of a large explosion when she gets served. Be prepared. Protect yourself. You are her enemy. You have destroyed her plans of cleaning you out. Protect yourself.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
totallydumb ( member #66269) posted at 9:03 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020
Please, please, please get the VAR or 2. Keep one on you at all times. Don't discount the very strong possibility of her charging you with DV (domestic violence). She's already shown you what she's capable of.
Take this seriously. This has happened to other BHs! You would not be the first.
PROTECT YOURSELF
If you see your ex with someone else--don't be jealous. Our parents taught us to give our old,used toys to the less fortunate.
HarryD ( member #72423) posted at 9:04 PM on Sunday, August 23rd, 2020
Nothing ends an affair faster then three kids. I am sure the POS AP isn’t going to have a sexy relationship taking care of three kids
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 4:43 AM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
My gosh, she just found out that I canceled the credit card.I used the I lost the card and they are sending another one. She said she doesn't believe me. She screamed at me, now I see what type of person you really are , I am the "stupidest guy on earth" , I deserve to be alone, she wanted no attorney and negotiate on friendly but instead I get an attorney. Then she tells me to get my clothes out of master bedroom and sleep in
another room which I was already doing. Again, she said why did you change your mind in a week. I just walked away. I will be locking my doors tonight.
We have 3 kids, 2 are high functioning autistic. That will kill any sexy relationship.
[This message edited by Vonbock at 10:47 PM, August 23rd (Sunday)]
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 1:22 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
When is best time to expose affair. I am goong to talk to my lawyer about it. During divorce proceedings, my lawyer tells her lawyer behind closed doors, i know about the affair and see if that gets advantage. Ot at home with her but then she will deny it and ezplode.on me.
WilliamM ( member #60910) posted at 1:26 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
DictumVeritas ( member #74087) posted at 1:53 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
Vonbock,
I would only advise against exposing immediately for the following reasons:
1) When doing so is against explicit legal advice for a good legal reason.
2) If exposing will hamper gathering information covertly.
3) When it will make the WS vindictive and hamper a favorable divorce settlement as a result.
From what you say, point (3) does already not apply.
Consult your lawyer and if there is no legal reason not to expose the affair, expose as soon as possible and as wide as possible.
[This message edited by DictumVeritas at 7:55 AM, August 24th (Monday)]
Your life is but a flicker to the cosmos and only the brightest flickers are recorded by history for good or bad. Most of us just want to live our lives without being interfered with.
pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 3:22 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
I am sorry you are living in a battleground. Your wife should not make strategies against you. Your focus is to help people heal. You help your children and you have been good to her. My WS works in the movies, he travels out of the country and works long hours. I did not get bored and wander off. You a good father. You deserve someone who loves you. She's thrashing around like a fish on a line. She bites like a wounded animal. Please protect yourself. It's hard to predict what will be next.
Keep thinking of your happy future. When my WH wandered off he was someone else. Now he says I remember all the kind things you did for me then in those days but I shut it out. Someone else will be happy to make a smoothie or give a massage or be a friend. I love my high functioning autistic nephew. I live with my sister and him. We are so happy. There are ladies out there looking for someone kind. She is making a tragic mistake.
But you will go on to wisdom and kindness and peace. It's only a little longer now. Her words mean nothing. Let them go into the air. She will blame, threaten, say mean and hurtful things. You know it doesn't come from love and respect so let it go. Her plan is ruined. She chases selfishness. She will not grow. She will not know gratitude and peace. It's sad to watch someone reject growing in spirit. That's why we are all here.
Look after your health and keep focused on your happy future. I'm proud of you you did not get even or be tricked by her into a car or a love nest. You will be fine. Do something nice for yourself and exercise to release stress. You are strong and kind.
Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.
Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 3:45 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
Confront her when you have enough proof (from your PI) to put you in a strong negotiating position.
It's the proof that will deflate her sails and bring her back to reality - and allow you to negotiate a fair settlement for you as well as your kids.
It's the proof that will protect you from false domestic violence claims, trashing you behind your back, and her making unrealistic claims on your income.
Do not expose to friends & family because that would dilute your leverage over her.
[This message edited by Robert22205https at 9:46 AM, August 24th (Monday)]
Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 3:47 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
Obviously do what your lawyer says, but I believe that if you want to save your reputation, you should at very least tell family and close friends. Don’t let her rewrite the history of your marriage or make you out to be the bad guy.
Sorry to tell you, but you are about to meet the true woman you married. Not the one you THOUGHT you married
Good luck and stay strong
Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets
Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 3:48 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
Sorry, duplicate
[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 9:48 AM, August 24th (Monday)]
Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets
Vonbock (original poster member #75204) posted at 5:28 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
I got mY VAR. Go ahead with PI, she thinks I already know but keeps asking about it its driving her insane. Do you think she wants to know so that way she can spin the story around and save her repustation when everyone finds out she cheated?
[This message edited by Vonbock at 11:28 AM, August 24th (Monday)]
Sceadugenga ( member #74429) posted at 5:30 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
Whatever she needs the info for is irrelevant. Stay shtum and don't disclose your sources and what you know. Unfortunately you must recon with some nasty fallout of the smear campaign / character assassination.
[This message edited by Sceadugenga at 11:34 AM, August 24th (Monday)]
Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 5:44 PM on Monday, August 24th, 2020
1 - Cheaters tend to only admit to what they think you know. She knows you're at least suspicious and that maybe you know more.
Therefore, she's trying to find out how much you know (and then how it will impact her plans).
2 - Never reveal how much you know (now or in the future after the divorce). Why? because under the circumstances where she doesn't known exactly what you know, she has to assume you know everything (which scares her very much).
The uncertainty gives you enormous negotiating power - not just during the divorce - but afterward with respect to future interactions with her after the divorce (the list is endless: child custody, birthday parties, scheduling vacations, exposing your kids to OM ...).
3 - The power to prove adultery to her family and friends also gives you great leverage to discourage her from discussing her marriage/you behind your back.
[This message edited by Robert22205https at 11:47 AM, August 24th (Monday)]
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