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NOw she just texted me and said that she is about to buy a home to rent out to invest. Does she want to join her in the investment?

Dude, she is planning her new life without you. I suggest you do the same.

Who's money is she planning to use to invest? Yours? Marital assets? Can you see where this is going? If she makes any major purchases while you are still married she may be entitled to half of any profits made on the sale.

Separate your finances and start the D process. You need to wake up.

Looks like she's trying to engage you in some kind of power play (which tells me she might have more than one narcissistic trait in her personality). She's trying to call the shots. First, she wanted you to move out, now she wants you to remove yourself from the bedroom, next she decides about a rather significant investment without consulting you - she just plainly announced her decision. This investment might be an example of future-faking, but more likely than not she's arranging her love nest under the pretence of rent-out investment. But I think it's more probable that she's deriving pleasure from ordering you around while at the same time provoking you to blow up and give her a good excuse to leave "her paranoid and irritable husband".

[This message edited by Sceadugenga at 12:09 PM, August 18th (Tuesday)]

Keep doing the 180 and separate yourself from her to clear your head so that you can plan your next moves.

Gently. You seem to get hung up on what she is doing and if there is any hidden agenda behind each move she makes. It will drive you insane.

Don't worry about her and her motives around you. Just move forward with your plan.

Get the PI going now. Get the lawyer drawing up the papers now. Get your plan in place to separate the finances and anything that has both names on it now. Don't allow her to use your money to buy anything. Don't allow her to control your actions. Don't allow her to set the tone in the home. She moves out of the master bedroom, not you. It's your house.

I wish the best for you.

I know i am trying to move forward and these things come out to irritate me. I feel like doing pi because of reputation. We are known in the community. She could say i was paranoid and neurotic and accused her of cheating. She couldn't take it and divorced me. If i have evidence then she wouldn't be able to use those lines.

Sorry I am irrtable and neurotic right now, it just hit me like a hammer

It sounds like employing a PI would be a wise move for you. Call one today so they can get started before your WW realizes that you're on to her. This life is about you now. Take care of yourself.

I think she she knows I am on to her so I am wondering if PI could catch her now.

I think I did the 180 wrong. I have been cheerful around the kids but when she talk I just talk calm voice and answer her question and thats it. Almost cold. SHe did the same 2-3 weeks ago to me when she played the I don't love you anymore .

Put a freeze on all your credit reports and hers too. You can do it online. Easy and fast. This prevents her coming getting new credit cards or making large purchases or buying a new home or car.

If she buys anything it is a marital asset as part of your divorce. So her “ investment property “ is half yours and you get half of the equity.

Sorry it has come to this.

Put a VAR in her vehicle and spyware on her phone. As good as any PI almost.

Von, don't bother with the PI. Listen, there are so many people who cheat, I wouldn't worry about it. The PI is going to take more time, and that is not something you have right now. Her planning on getting new place is for her to enjoy with her boyfriend, and it will make your Divorce even more complicated.

Do not let her buy that place right now. You need to file the Divorce papers right away. If you do, her attorney will advise her not to buy a new property, it will be more to untangle.

If you want, put a VAR in her car. You can get more from the VAR than from a PI, and its much cheaper. You can do that today, and get your answer in 2 days.

In the meantime, dude, you really get the ball rolling on the legal side of things. As a physician, your expertise is healing people, not the Law, and not infidelity. You need to start listening to the people on this forum and your attorney. Plus, if your WW tries to badmouth you to people, she will have to be held liable for that in a court of law. If she slanders you or otherwise, she will have to answer to that. Right now, you need to get the ball rolling on D, prevent her from buying that new house, and secure your kids from this bomb that is about to go off. Do not let her kick you out of the Master bedroom either. The kids need to know that you did nothing wrong. Start lining up IC for the kids.

Her world is about to implode, and you can already see, that she is not going to be kind to you. Kicking you out, blaming you, dumping the kids on you. You need the help of the attorney ASAP, but you need to get moving.

my attorney already has paperwork ready. Now devising best way and time to end it.

Just wondering, is it possible that she was never at the office working late when you said you would bring the kids by to say hi? since you said she has cut back on a lot of billing hours.

Von, go with the VAR even after you serve her. You will hear her call OM, friends, family, and spill all of the details. I'm also betting she will likely go public with OM not long you file and separate. There's still plenty of opportunity to learn the truth after you have legally protected yourself by filing.

[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:05 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

I said the usual it is just the usual I am trying to win you back.

That's the exact opposite of 180' - by admitting you're trying to win her back, you diminish your own value in her eyes; she knows she can have you without putting in any effort whatsoever. Inadvertently you are making yourself low-hanging fruit. That's not something you want to be - even for the sake of your own sanity and self-respect.

OH no, I am not trying to get back with her. She kept asking what is the grave info I got. I just trying to win you back to deflect it.

What would be a good response because I know she is going to ask everyday. " what is this grave info" She is going crazy trying to figure out what it is.

At this point I think you tell her that you know and that you have begun putting a divorce together. I think she pretty much knows you are on to her now and I am not sure you are really gaining anything by pretending now. You don’t have to tell her what evidence you have (or don’t have) or how you got it.

You can still use a PI if you want, who can get phone records etc so there’s a limit to what she can cover-up but she’s probably already in cover-up mode because she suspects you know something.

I am getting my finances in order 1st.

When everything is ready, just tell her it is over, she will ask why, I will just say you know why.

I will end it, I will stay in the house until everything is finalized. We will take care of the kids until they finalize the divorce

You are right she is in deep cover up mode right now. I don't know if a PI will be able to get anything.

I kind of get a good feeling watching her squirm. I wouldn't mind extending it out a little longer just watch her act pathetic trying to get me to open up.

She did same thing to me 3 weeks ago. She treated me like dirt,wouldn't even let me kiss her on the cheek, and acted like she had disdain for me. Now magically she acts like this.

[This message edited by Vonbock at 2:12 AM, August 19th (Wednesday)]

What would be a good response because I know she is going to ask everyday.

I would go for surgically crafted truth which builds upon the previously mentioned attempt to win her back. Tell her simply that after some soul searching and internet research, you've come to the conclusion that things have gone too far to save the marriage as it is. You don't need to go into detail about what you know or that you're preparing your own exit. Chances are she's doing the same or she's at least vetting her chances of transitioning smoothly into a relationship with her AP.