Topic is Sleeping.
PearlyBaker (original poster member #69981) posted at 6:48 PM on Sunday, March 8th, 2020
Just curious...Would you date someone who cheated in their last marriage?
alphakitte ( member #33438) posted at 7:12 PM on Sunday, March 8th, 2020
No. It signals the individual’s ability to discount their commitment to the marriage, to devalue the marriage and the feelings of the person they are married to. It denotes their morals, and values, or lack thereof.
------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt
Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 7:39 PM on Sunday, March 8th, 2020
This same question comes up periodically, and you will likely see a mixed bag of responses from an emphatic no to a yes if they've done the work to fix their brokenness that caused them to cheat. It is a very personal decision.
For me it is a big no. I know me, and it won't matter how much personal work was done. I would always wonder, and possibly misread the smallest suspicion. That would not be fair to the other person. It's my own baggage to carry and I won't knowingly inflict it on an innocent party. Better for me (and them) to just not go there.
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
TheLostOne2020 ( member #72463) posted at 10:54 PM on Sunday, March 8th, 2020
Fuck no. I might date someone who cheated in a relationship, did some work, and became a better person - but not someone who cheated in a marriage.
Somber ( member #66544) posted at 12:35 AM on Monday, March 9th, 2020
Nope. Never. Not a chance!!! It’s too great of a trigger and would immediately cause some mistrust.
Me: BS, 41 / Him: SAWH, 43
2 children ages 7 and 9
“The truth is still blurry but the lies are getting clearer”
ShatteredSakura ( member #70885) posted at 1:17 AM on Monday, March 9th, 2020
Hard nope. Cheated in any relationship, so even if it was just a BF.
Sure maybe they worked on themselves and are better, but I think that's rare. Most rather just start over. I don't want to invite that into my life.
[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 7:17 PM, March 8th (Sunday)]
Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 2:09 AM on Monday, March 9th, 2020
Me: BH
She: EW
Divorce in progress
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19
What a wicked game we play.
Pandora16 ( member #56906) posted at 3:41 AM on Monday, March 9th, 2020
D-Day #1 12/8/16 (ILYBINILWY), D-Day #2 12/17/16 (admitted to affair)
Divorced: 10/24/17
Married 20 years, together 24, 1 young adult son
hardtimesinlife ( member #10468) posted at 5:52 AM on Monday, March 9th, 2020
Hell no! For the same reason as Phoenix. But...cheaters are also liars. I didn’t know x had cheated in his 1st marriage until after dday 1..
Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)
gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 6:31 AM on Monday, March 9th, 2020
Hard no. And it includes cheating at any point. I knew my WH cheated on prior GFs.... turns out being M didn’t make a difference. Too many triggers now.
M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived
It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies
StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 8:09 AM on Monday, March 9th, 2020
No. I've never cheated so why should I be with someone who has?
"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014
J707 ( member #63778) posted at 4:49 PM on Monday, March 9th, 2020
AbandonedGuy ( member #66456) posted at 5:25 PM on Monday, March 9th, 2020
No, but this assumes I'll ever want to get married again (I don't).
EmancipatedFella, formerly AbandonedGuy
lettingo ( member #61631) posted at 12:56 AM on Tuesday, March 10th, 2020
Me: BS (49)
Married 16yrs
DD18 & DS15
DDay 8/16/16 LTA
False R for 10 months, Filed for D 6/2017
"Without courage we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest." -M Angelou
phmh ( member #34146) posted at 1:42 AM on Tuesday, March 10th, 2020
Absolutely not. I wouldn't date someone who'd cheated in a previous relationship. Past behavior is absolutely the best predictor of future behavior, and after reading tons of books on behavior, I no longer believe true -- permanent -- behavior change is possible. People can learn to manage their bad behaviors, but when things get rough, you know what one of their coping mechanisms is. And if someone goes all the way to cheating, there are likely other bad behaviors involved. So even if they never cheat on you, they likely have other behaviors that make them a bad partner (selfishness, entitlement, etc.).
However, as hardtimes said, sometimes cheaters lie about being cheaters. However, when I was dating, I found many who admitted to it with whatever flimsy reason to excuse it 
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
Thanksgiving2016 ( member #63462) posted at 3:16 AM on Tuesday, March 10th, 2020
NO why leave the current one
EmbraceTheChange ( member #43247) posted at 3:24 AM on Tuesday, March 10th, 2020
No thanks, lol.
I divorced my x-husband to not have a cheater in my life, so I'm not going to date another one.
I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination
LoveTKO ( member #54298) posted at 1:13 PM on Tuesday, March 10th, 2020
I wouldn't even date someone who cheated in a long term relationship. No way. To me it's a question of character.
Next!
Me: BW
Him: FWH
LTA one year with local MOW
Dday: 12/4/15
Done - separated
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:23 PM on Tuesday, March 10th, 2020
No. But how would you know? If they told you they're honest, at least. I'm thinking that there are a lot who wouldn't admit it.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
BigBlueEyes ( member #71441) posted at 1:34 PM on Tuesday, March 10th, 2020
Cheating...hard pass for me
Violence....hard pass again
Narcissistic or sociopathic behaviours...do not even pass go!!!
I don’t care how much work they have seemingly done,
I won’t ever be vulnerable to any of the above ever again,
I can’t & won’t take that chance!!
Me- BW, 47
Multi Dday's,
DB A's x 2 BFF
Multi ONS's, Online shit.
Serial cheat, Abuser,
D 18.02.20
Stay strong, just because it’s hard today, doesn’t mean that next week it won’t get easier!!
Topic is Sleeping.
