Oh.. Well. Didn't know that part. There it is then. She can't go NC with him and has not broken up with him at all, it seems.
Does she KNOW you know, now? Did you confront her with the fact and that it's full steam ahead into D?
It would be useful to get access to phone call records (this is doable) to see what number she keeps calling. You're not exactly in data gathering mode any more, but it could be handy to provide hard verification that she never kept her word about breaking up with him.
She does now. I just went back and forth with her on text. I lost my cool. Probably said too much. I will report below.
I'm pretty sure I already have his number.
Your STBXW has seemed pretty wishy washy throughout this narrative. Sometimes I get the impression she doesn't understand what the hell she's doing and what the impact of not having her plan B around any more is going to be. As in being oblivious, delusional or not believing you'll ever pull the trigger. If you don't want to drive that home, that's fine-- it looks like it's not worth saving at this point.
You're entirely correct; MC is a waste of your time and money now.
Extremely wishy washy. Could open up a car wash, wishy washy. I think she doesn't fully comprehend what she's doing. She feels as though SHE'S in pain. No shits given about me.
So, on to the text messages. She sends me some bullshit about cashing out something her mother left her and the taxes eating it up. I say 'okay. that sucks'. She says something about wanting to buy a jeep.
I say 'have you called the mediator?'
She says that the counselor told her that she doesn't have to be on my timeline. I say okay, just asking. She says that she's clearly not on my timeline. I say, I want to have this settled before I move out.
'I can't talk about this'
I say it's either the mediator or lawyers and the mediator is cheaper. She tells me to stop that I'm bullying her. I say that's manipulative and bullshit.
She plays the victim card about how I see her. I say just call the mediator I want the abuse of the affair to stop, i need to heal and get this done with. She says she has needs too. I say 'I know that, clearly'.
She says she'll call when she's ready. I say why are you torturing me. She says that she doesn't want to hurt me, she wants to fix things.
I say no you don't, if you want us to be friends at all, call the mediator.
She says stop pressuring me, you really want out of this?
I say I'm done with this marriage, I will be out by March and YES I DO (want to be out of this).
She says 'I haven't wanted out, guess I'll have to catch up'
I say, I do (want out), you love him, you are stalling for 6 months to be with him and be in a better financial situation.
She denies it.
I say I overheard her. Stop lying, call the mediator.
She says 6 months is what the therapist recommended. 'everyone would benefit from that'
I say I'm out by March and not me, I'm suffering. I say that she had no intention of staying with me - it was a stalling tactic. That's why you said 'can I live like this for 6-8 years until the kids get out of school?' (that's what she said to the shit stain)
I said 'no i will not be staying with someone who is intent on abusing me, call the mediator, I'm done'.
'I can't talk to you'
I say 'because I know you're lying to me? Just call the mediator, let's keep this civil'
She says 'I love you and I hurt you and I'm hurting too, I want to keep things civil'
I said 'oh bullshit, I heard you, I heard you talking to him, you don't give a flying fuck about me'
'You don't know what you heard, you are misrepresenting me'
I say 'Gas lighting'
I say, does this sound familiar? "I will never have this connection with anyone, how could I feel so good and happy and then just push it away and not want it?" I follow up with 'you're busted'
She said 'I'm not busted, I told you I was struggling'
I tell her that she's just trying to manipulate me - or you're lying to him'
She says 'I see value in our marriage'
I say, which is it? then, no you don't - that would suggest you're lying to him.
She says 'I'm trying to get enough space away from you both to see clearly. I am buying time with everyone - I need time'
I say bullshit, I'm gone by March - my decision.
She says 'thanks', I say, because you lie. She says ok.
I say so please keep this amicable, call the mediator, all you are doing is hurting me more, please stop.
She says 'I don't even know who I am anymore, I only wish I could say to you what I want to say but I know you don't want me to talk'
I say 'I don't know who you are anymore either, but whoever you are, I don't want to be married to you. I will co-parent with you. I already know what you want, you said it to the douchebag. I then said 'another nonsensical spout of bullshit from her 'no one is saying we could work this out' (we being her and I, she said this to him).
I said, yeah working things out was called marriage counseling and trying, you didn't want to, now I don't. I'm done with your abuse, I need to be away from you. We need to be amicable for the kids, you are NOT making this amicable!'
She says 'how am I not making this amicable'
I say you aren't calling the mediator.
There's some more bullshit about cheaper options - her sister didn't spend a lot of money on the divorce, I told her I'm not trying to take the chance that she just jumps state with the kids.
So...Overall, I lost my cool. Should have disengaged. I was shaky with adrenaline afterward. I knew she would pull this shit though. She wants to stall, stall, stall.
I am not stalling. I cannot live like this.
