If you see something that sucks, the way to change it is to be among the people who stand up and say "no more." Just because it's always been this way does not mean it has to stay that way.
What exactly am I saying "no more" to? I've already removed myself from the extra-curricular activities at work (well, not the activities themselves, I was never involved in them, but the discussion of those activities). I don't hear much about it anymore, but I'm sure it's still going on. But I really don't know what you'd have me do here? Get myself invited back to "drinks with the guys" and then blast them when they start telling their "war stories". What do you think that's going to accomplish? They're not doing anything illegal, there's no way to get them fired for it, these women (much like my W) are entirely willing participants. If I slam my fist on the table and say "no more", great. I'm sure they'll have a laugh at my expense and move right back to the iPhones. I'm not even sure what I'm condemning here (let's leave the married guys out of it, that's obvious, and yes, that's the vast majority of them, but not all). Stop lying to women to get laid asshole! Ugh, OK, now I'm actually a hypocrite, because, I did exactly the same thing before I was married. I'm not saying there's nothing to do here, I just don't see what my role is in it. In fact, if anything, I think that the biggest role here is with women, stop falling for this shit and they'll stop doing it. I know, that's not fair either, but that has a much higher probability of stopping their behavior (and my behavior before marriage) than anything else. If the BS stops working, or if it did, for me, I would have tried something else and stopped it.
As a parent, your job is to instill the values you want your children to take out into the world.
Of course, and I think that's very important. And, making this less inflammatory, when I asked my father, as many young boys do, "how do I get a Ferrari", he gave me both answers. "The car doesn't make the man", but, if you really want one then, this is what you do. It's a complete answer, and one that doesn't judge the choices, just lays out the fact that some choices make more sense than others.
That sure doesn't sound like advice from someone who reviles the system and wants to see it end. That's the plan made by someone who is counting on that system remaining the status quo and then teaching his child how to perpetuate it.
Perpetrate it? Absolutely not. Operate inside that system and succeed in their goals, absolutely. Look, I'm going to be honest with you, I absolutely HATED the system when I was younger. Hated it with a passion. And then, in time, I grew to accept it, an acceptance that came as I learned to operate effectively in the system the way it really works. See, my father, in particular, was much like many of the posters here, a starry eyed optimist. "Just be a good man and it'll happen for you". And while I think we all agree, that's a great "fatherly" answer, it's also, in my personal experience, bullshit. If you want it, you have to go after it, not wait for it to fall into your lap. What my father taught me was how the world "should be", and I'm grateful for that message because it gave me a compass. What he did not give me enough of is the "world as it is" version. It's great to instill hope in children, I agree with that, but don't stop there, teach them how to make their hopes a reality. Want to be rich? OK, fine, here's how you do it (and no, it's not fun at all, you'll sacrifice a ton of your life for it, and it may not make you happy; all things I would add to the conversation; but it's NOT my decision to make, and I'm not going to tell you to "follow your dreams" as the way to get rich, it's not (or not for most people)).
