SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't know what's come over me. As of yesterday I've been moved out for exactly a month. My STBXWH didn't touch me (sexually) all Summer. The last time I had sex with him was May before the Summer from hell broke loose. It's not memorable to me. My drive actually went down over the years because of the things he did and not feeling close to him anymore.

Now I can't stop thinking about it. Not with him. But, man, I really just want to go out there and find someone to fuck the shit out of for one night. I know I shouldn't. It almost sounds childish. Reminds me of how I felt in my early 20's.

And I keep hearing people around me banging. All. the. time. I heard a neighbor across the street moaning earlier tonight while I was taking an online exam. 2 nights ago my neighbor next to my place had her bed banging against the wall where apparently our beds are both placed.

And now I can't stop thinking about finding some dick. Satisfying myself has not done the trick. The urge is still there.

I didn't feel this way all Summer. I didn't want it. Didn't even think about it. Now I can't stop thinking about it. I find myself sizing men up wondering if they'd be good in bed.

I feel like I haven't had enjoyable sex in years because I stopped being able to trust the person I once felt safe with. I don't know what to do with myself.

I don't want a relationship. Nothing close to that. But is there a too soon?

[This message edited by CatsNTats at 1:36 AM, September 13th (Friday)]

I don't see anything wrong with you. You're a full blown adult, so why not go bump uglies with someone, just for the hell of it. The Puritans might want to burn you at the stake, but I don't see the problem.

So long as the person you're with understands what it is (ie, not a long term relationship) find someone and have fun.

And I keep hearing people around me banging. All. the. time. I heard a neighbor across the street moaning earlier tonight while I was taking an online exam. 2 nights ago my neighbor next to my place had her bed banging against the wall where apparently our beds are both placed.

Now that's just cruel. Damn you Universe!

Tinder girl 😂

i know how ya feel; i too am in my first month of living separately after having an in home separation before d was finalized.

All you need is Tinder, or any OLD app..

Luckily for you.. You are a female.. You can get someone like super easy.

Just do it. I wound up sleeping with a young marine not long after I left my XWH and I can't say that I regret that one bit. Was quite awesome and needed.

@WornDown

The Puritans might want to burn you at the stake, but I don't see the problem.

That made me laugh cry. That, and I can't remember the last time I heard "bump uglies."

You're right though. It's just been over a decade that I've even thought to look for someone for that purpose.

So long as the person you're with understands what it is

That's never been a problem for me. It's actually been the other way around (I had a few - stalkers back in the day).

@director23, I know what that feels like. We started sleeping in separate rooms right at the beginning of June. But separate wasn't all that separate when he would still brow beat me daily about what I was doing to try to get me to confess to something that didn't exist. It was hard on the mind. I felt broken down. And he just sat on the couch, daily, drunk, and unemployed while I worked two jobs and was getting my credentials taken care of for my first semester of nursing school. It's amazing how a cheater and a liar can try and turn the cards on you when you are trying to succeed.

Not sure how long you had to live like that, but I can attest to how hard it is especially if the other person is just going crazy because they've lost all control. over you. over themselves. over anything.

@Maudlin and LilBlackCat I'm not sure I want to go that route. How do you weed out the creeps? I've never had to deal with hook-up/dating apps. They weren't really a hot thing 11 years ago. I had a friend who had another friend that was on a dating site back in 06' or 07'. Things went terribly wrong and the man she met on it shot and killed her.

I'm very high alert and aware of my surroundings because of my own experiences with fighting off an attacker at gun point (when I was younger) and saving another woman's life last summer on top of other things that have happened. However, you don't get to be aware of those surroundings in the online world. Anyone can put up any picture they want. Anyone can lie about who they really are. I've also watched a lot of real crime TV, including Web of Lies.

I think I'd feel better finding someone in real life.

@DevastatedDee - where can I find one of them?!?

Simply post a pic of yourself and in the profile details keep it simple with something like.. Looking to meet new and make new friends.. or if you are wanting a faster response.. Say, that you are looking for some NSA fun.

The flood gates swill shower you with options.

@DevastatedDee - where can I find one of them?!?

Ha ha ha! Backyard barbeque next door to me, apparently!

I had just turned 45 and he was 26...do I need to tell you what an ego boost that was? lol

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 1:13 PM, September 13th (Friday)]

Say, that you are looking for some NSA fun.

The flood gates swill shower you with options.

Omg absolutely. You get dick pics even if you post you want a relationship. You can't beat them off your profile if you offer no-strings sex. It is definitely an unfair advantage that we have.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 1:15 PM, September 13th (Friday)]

There must be something psychological to this. I was like this when I separated years ago. Like mad driven to finding someone. I fought it for a long time because I didn't want my marriage to end.

I have also referred to recently separated people as "low hanging fruit".

Best of luck, although you don't need it. When it comes to that women are very lucky.

There must be something psychological to this. I was like this when I separated years ago. Like mad driven to finding someone.

I agree, I went through this too..

I wanna get laid too.. but ain't nobody interested in me.. Women do have it so easy in this department.

@DevastatedDee - Heeeyyy! You go girl. Haha. That's hot.

I've been hit on recently by as young as a 22 yr. old (no way in hell for this one); he told me his "cut off" was 42. I don't even know why he said it. He's got a lot of issues though and is really immature. After a few brief chats with him, I wonder if I was that big of a dumb ass at that age...(surely not). I've tried to give him some sound advice if not just to give him some guidance but also because he's asked for it, yet I don't know that he listened.

People tend to mistake me for being a lot younger than I am. They think I'm in my mid-20's just off appearance (rather than closer to 40). I don't know if I'd want to bang a 20 something year old though. I'd be worried about their level of experience.

Not saying they're all bad, but in my 20's, I had some bad ones. No clue what they were doing. I want to be ravaged by a man.

There's a 23 yr old man that I met that is the exact opposite of the 22 year. Much more mature, wiser beyond his years, but still so dang young.

My STBXWH at the age of 44 didn't seem to have any issues with the 22 year old I found out about. I don't think I could go below mid to late 20's.

I assume you have control of the age limits on these "dating" (hookup) sites? I feel old just asking about how these things work...

@WornDown, and yes! The universe is cruel.

@SumofOne, maybe you're right. I wonder why. I was fine up until this past week. I had been on Lexapro for part of my M because of the things that transpired sent me into a pretty deep depression. It really messed with my sex drive. I hit what felt like my prime in my early 30's and wanted it all the time. After the things he did and Lexapro, that seemed to diminish. So I haven't felt this way in a long time. I got off Lexapro a few years ago because that was the one thing that bothered me about it. Maybe it wasn't the medicine (although I've heard it can do that), maybe it was him that killed my sex drive.

(Damn it, I hear my neighbor screwing again - RIGHT NOW!) What the hell?!?!

@LBC, I'm sure that's not true. You got married. So someone has wanted you and someone will want you again. You can't let what she did destroy any confidence in yourself.

And women, like a man with confidence. Find it. And then go get you some.

Her shitty behavior has nothing to do with you - and everything to do with her. Just because she chose to stray does not mean no one else will ever want you.

I have seen what a wife's affair can have on a man's masculinity as I did everything in my power to pull my STBXWH out of that (a long time ago before we were together) after he found out about his ex-wife's 14 month affair. Not only did her actions make him feel that way, but also her words.

Clearly, I was not able to save him. The damage she did damaged him forever. On many levels. And he did things to me I never in a million years thought he was capable of. I was the woman that he told everyone had "saved him", yet he spent so much time trying to destroy me.

I hope you are able to realize that these things cheaters do, have nothing to do with someone not wanting you, but something to do with what is deeply broken in them.

[This message edited by CatsNTats at 2:41 PM, September 13th (Friday)]

Oh honey, he didn't know what he was doing, ha ha ha. But he had muscles the likes of which I hadn't touched in years and hearing "oh my God, this is like porn, you are so hot" made me pretty happy with being the teacher, lol. Ego boost. I wouldn't want to date someone so young, no. Not at all. I will always be grateful to him, though. I needed that badly. My XWH had paid for sex with women so young. I got a lot of pleasure about being able to get it for free with someone who actually found me attractive and was into it.

That was better than a years worth of therapy.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 2:50 PM, September 13th (Friday)]

Funny you would mention Lexapro. I was on that when I was going through a divorce. I was early 30's at the time. It messed me up so I always took it at night when I went to bed. Well...one night I am in bed asleep and my phone goes off. It is the cute little 20 something that works at the gas station. We had only briefly talked and I got the impression she wasn't interested. Yet, she tells me she is in my driveway and to let her in. So I do. What followed is one of the more humiliating attempts to hook up that I have ever had. That Lexapro was hitting me hard, I was shaking like Michael J Fox and was having equipment malfunctions. Of course I tried to explain what was going on but that just made it worse. She thought something was wrong with her. I tried to schedule a do over but she was having none of it.

So, I wouldn't be surprised if that stuff was messing with you. It certainly did me.

Maybe find someone to chat to, maybe go get laid, as long as you are happy with your choices and you are doing no wrong to others the crack on! You need to release that tension some times and you are probably not wanting any emotional ties so use tinder or plenty of fish and have a giggle and maybe a little more, you're not harming anyone

My H and have reconciled, but I can understand the want/need to get laid issue.

Do you have a friend that can be a "Friend with benefits"?

I am just thinking about being safe. There are soooo many fucking weirdos out there these days I would be more willing to fuck a hot friend than fucking some stranger that may or may not be a crazy freak-a-zoid.

@SumofOne, it messed me up even after I stopped taking it. My sex drive felt like it never came back. I tried. I did. I just didn't want it the way I used to. Like this urge I have now.

@PinkyPeach - those sites make me nervous.

@Evertrying - I wish. Unfortunately at this point everyone is pretty much married. I'm really one of the few that has been divorced out of my friends and now headed for my 2nd. Also, don't really want to be with anyone that knows him. He has made threats to kill another man for touching me. It can not be anyone he knows. I'm well aware of the crazies out there. I've had a few in my day.